Or is there always some nagging feeling & angst about things you wish for & you’re not sure how to achieve them?
My wife of 30 years died a few months ago and I’m having to adjust to life without her.
Life is freakin weird now … I feel like some kind of ghost that doesn’t exist … I feel like a big part of my life died with her and at the same time I feel like I’m alive but not fully … I’m alive but not fully … I feel like part of me disappeared but I didn’t die … quite honestly, sometimes I feel like a ghost that didn’t fully cross over and I’m stuck in this life until I can move on.
I have a ton of supports, family and friends, work and things to do and I keep very busy with stuff … but all of it just doesn’t mean much to me any more.
And family and friends keep telling me I have all the freedom in the world to do whatever I want … but you know what? … life is no longer enjoyable when you don’t have the person you want to share everything with. I had so many plans and things I really, really wanted to do … but now it’s all meaningless and pointless … I have no real enjoyment for many things any more. Even turning on the TV to watch something, anything no longer really thrills me and I watch something for a few minutes, my mind wanders and I have to go do something else. I go online and it’s the same thing, I read part of something and I have to move on to the next thing … I play video games and I can’t concentrate on it for too long.
About the only thing left to me now is riding my motorcycle but I can’t even do that because the weather is still too cold here in northern Ontario … so I can’t even enjoy that.
And in the meantime, I have to watch the world burn … life is just very strange for me at the moment.
Sorry about your loss.
Hey, did you know you get to send your deceased love one a letter once your life comes to an end? You can write about how much you have enjoyed your life when you were together, and your life later without her. How you accepted, how you coped, how you overcame. I’m sure you don’t want her to know that you lived an extremely terrible life afterwards, right? Definitely not good, but not too bad. You can’t end your life early just to send that letter, for the obvious reason!🙂
The US oligarchs are not suffering enough.
Home life is great. I love my kids and my partner and they’re all amazing.
but I’m currently taken out of this feeling by stress and anxiety about work. To the point that my partner is concerned about my health. it’s really not good.
I kinda broke into laughter when reading your question, at the absurdity of the idea. So that’s probably a no.
However, I’m doing better than I have been for a while, and am capable of laughter, so it’s not all bad.
However… capable of laughter
Proud of the strength of your optimism my king
I might be sleeping in my car in six weeks time. What could be wrong
Hey it’s not so bad 😄 I kid you not, I’ve been living in my car for SIX YEARS. It’s a lifestyle choice. No rent, no mortgage, no utilities, no property taxes, no HOA, and you can live wherever you want! 😃 It’s friggin’ awesome.
It’s illegal to sleep in a car where I live. Also I have a job in retail so I need to shower regularly. I don’t want to think how I’ll manage my period or just toilet in general, I hate shitting in public toilets. I have a small car, not a van, and I’m not looking forward to switching to one. But thanks for the positive outlook
Understandable. This lifestyle isn’t for everyone. But it’s absolutely criminal how extortionate the housing industry is, vs how low jobs pay. I don’t know every detail of your situation, and you’re under no obligation to explain it here because certainly it must be overwhelming for you right now, and I’m sending you powerful positive energy and boy do I sure know that when we go through hellfire, if we survive it, we come out stronger like refiner’s fire making metal harder.
I just want to comment on regular showers: 24-hour gym membership! I’m a massage therapist and oh yeah I need to be clean 24/7 too✨😄 And we have showers at my place of employment too but I feel weird showering there so I’ve only done it once or twice. And yeah I confess I am doing this lifestyle in a tall comfy van. Would be less comfortable in an actual little car. 🙏🏼
But my paychecks are all for me, no way I could have saved up all this money if I had to pay landlords every month.
I am so in love with this freedom lifestyle.
Yes it’s illegal to sleep in a vehicle where I am too, but there are so many homeless people around here, law enforcement focuses on the ones actually sleeping outside on the sidewalks & beaches & in tents. Law enforcement does not bother us in vehicles at all unless belligerent, making messes, or staying parked in one place for too long. I’ve never had a problem.
Anyway I know you have no desire to live in a vehicle, most people would consider it a hardship, so pardon my tangent but this topic excites me 🤭
Ideally I would have a house AND this van but as most of us know we can’t always have everything we want, which probably the slight discomfort I always feel is a reason I thought of this post topic.
I get it and don’t get me wrong, I’ve considered it as a temporary solution. But I don’t think I could last for too long
It’s not perfect, but I’ve got quite a few of the things I wanted to have when I was imagining the future back then.
I’ve got a partner that I trust and love, I do the job that I wanted to be doing, albeit not the perfect company or the most satisfying position, I’m still in touch with the friends I wanted to keep (and happily not in touch with some of the rest), I’m no longer living with my parents and have two cats that are the perfect little creatures for company.
Some things could be better, many of them completely out of my control. My current goal is to just make my lifestyle healthier, I’m too sleepy all the time because of staying late trying to regain the time lost doing the boring adult things, and I get exhausted and out of breath extremely easily.
❌ everything the way I want it
✅ comfortable
✅ no angst
🤷♀️ no nagging feeling
🤷♀️ sure how to achieve goalsFirst ignoring everything outside my direct control.
Still no, but I know what I want in my personal life and I see the path to get there. If the world doesn’t fall into chaos first. It’ll just take time, but what better use of my youth? If the past few years have taught me anything, it’s that trying to get there too fast will wreck my mind and body.
I think a lot of it now comes down to having a ‘Platonic ideal’ for myself and not living up to it. Like strictly an internal matter, I’m fine with other people seeing me the way I am. Even if I lived in a secluded bunker, I’d still be bothered that my eating and sleeping habits suck, my time management needs work, my athleticism is lacking, I never finished learning German, and my screen usage is ruining my back and eyes.
Actually, that would be kind of nice. I’d like to think that if I could be minimally- or un-employed but still well-housed and well-fed for a year, I could finally take a breath and go fix everything that’s been nagging at me.
There is always something I want that I dont have. I dont focus on it anymore outside of having goals. I focus more on the plan and executing and living in the moment and its helped my mental health tremendously.
Having said that, im very fortunate to have all that I have, so its pretty easy for me to focus on the positives
I’m transgender and live in the UK, so no
I’m only aware of a lot of what I find distressing because of my superpowers. I can know what’s happening everywhere in the world within minutes of it happening. Somebody I will never, ever meet in person can say something mean about me and put a shadow on my mood, if I choose to pay attention to it.
My day-to-day is idyllic. Modest, urban, a bit ecclectic… but comfy, by American standards. Food, shelter, medicine, recreation, community, art, adventure, mobility, and friendship are all in adequate supply. I’m employed and paid fairly. Accepted by friends and family, valued by my colleagues. If my sphere of awareness and sphere of routine travel were the same, I would think myself a prince.
But my sphere of awareness is vast. So, I know my comfort is a byproduct of privilege, which is withheld from millions of other deserving people because… reasons. I know there are other parts of the world where logic and justice and tolerance are in widespread, societally upheld ascendance, and that those places are far, far away from where I live.
Immediately outside the personal bubble I labor to maintain, there’s pain, violence, fear, hunger, and hatred. One misstep on my part and I could find myself there as well. I know that fear is wielded as a tool by people who live in fortresses made of money, by people who claim to represent the ideals of my nation, but only care that they are the winner and everybody else is the loser.
So yes, there are many nagging feelings. I wish my comfort was more than the byproduct of somebody powerful wanting something from me. Much angst, as I sit in my comfortable chair with my expensive technology, in my lovely house on a gorgeous spring day. I wish I was stupider, less aware, less experienced in the motivations of horrible people.
I’m perpetually tired and stuck in a loop. Full time job, and carer for a disabled parent.
It’s not easy, I do get frustrated, but I would not change it because it would make things worse for mum.
Are you registered through the government as a carer so you get paid for that hard work & sacrifice?
its alright, no major problems maybe could be better in some ways but could be a lot worse
Is everything the way I want it? No, I could stand to lose a few pounds and be a bit stronger, make more money etc.
But I am comfortable and feel no angst.
Of course not lmao. I’m pretty sure I will starve to death before I reach my parents age. Or at least experience famine.
