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So many dumdums trying to gaslight their partners into thinking that it’s not cheating, it’s an open relationship.
If you have to convince your partner, it’s not an open relationship, it’s a toxic one.
It’s really no wonder most marriages end up in divorce, when I see the quality of the relationships I wonder how they lasted more than two weeks.
If you’re going to do this as a man, you need to be in amazing physical shape. Otherwise it’s going to be difficult for you. Hit the gym and get stacked.
Interesting. I don’t find that’s the case at all. I’m certainly not “stacked”, yet I’ve managed to find two partners that I absolutely adore. They each have other partners as well.
I’m pretty sure being open, honest, and vulnerable with a high EQ is far more important than having great abs. Don’t get me wrong, I’m going to the gym when I can, but real open relationships are about more than sex appeal and jealousy.
Yeah, that scans with my own experience. I’ve known plenty of poly dudes who aren’t necessarily “conventionally attractive” (ugh, I hate that phrase) who have multiple partners and/or lots of casual sex. All of them are pretty charismatic and sensitive, and that’s a big deal even if we’re just looking at sexual relationships.
Recently I’ve been trying out online dating, and something that has been super striking to me is the number of guys who end up being terrible in bed because they go into things with a sort of guidebook, treating “good at sex” as being some kind of objective trait, and measuring their self worth by whether or not I orgasm. That’s one “archetype” I’ve stumbled across a bunch, but the other is much more like the kind of guy who successfully does polyamory, regardless of their physical appearance. Their “strategy” involves actually listening and being open to learning what makes me in particular tick. You used the word “vulnerable” in your comment, and that’s exactly it — in my view, that’s an essential quality, even in more casual relationships. You’ve got to be comfortable in your own skin.
And for some people, going to the gym does help with that. I know that I felt a lot more confident when I was more of a beefcake. But it’s certainly not the only way to do it
Yep, otherwise get used to sitting at home playing video games on a Saturday night while your wife is our getting plowed.
I’ve been poly for almost 5-6 years now and I do better than most, but nowhere near as well as women.
I have some women friends who see several men a night.
I did well in my 20s with hookups but also I was a touring musician, comedian and actor who lived in major cities, a rakish waif and, at least at the time, I was kinda cute if I do say so myself.
Married for 8 years now and although I am confident I have a lot to bring to a relationship should something unthinkable happen to my marriage but I am under no illusion that I would not do nearly as well in my mid 40s with a stable regular job, 20 extra lbs and an inch less hairline.
I’m mid 40s and have a stable job. Hair is full but a bit heavier since my 20s.
What I’ve learned is that most women that I end up dating are usually looking for consistency and not being an asshole. Having a decent personality helps as well.
I’m in competition with a lot of conservative men. If I can’t win against them, I should look inward.
we were having lunch beside a pond the other day, a bunch of fairy wrens came close by, a single male with about 3 or 4 female wrens in toe. My gf asked if I had ever thought about having a harem, i was “no no no, waaaay toooo much work”, she laughed and laughed
Dude is an idiot. Should’ve just find other couples who wants to swap.
Hah
Sure, you may have multiple partners
But do you have four feral cats you feed regularly who think you’re the best human being on earth?
No. You don’t. Losers.
this
Whats crazy to me is never that women can get more action then dudes most of the time, but that people have so much free time. Like dating several, not in a dining table relationship, but like planning a time to go out and meetup for some time, dating.
Let alone the finances fuck
For women that part is easier since you’re generally not expecting a woman to pay on a date anyway.
Good luck affording dating multiple people as a dude though.
Yeah even in completely mutual open relationships this is typically what happens.
And it doesn’t help that I’m bad at talking to women. My girlfriend ended up setting me up with more people than I found myself.
Either you interpret “completely mutual” differently from me or you’re wrong. When people go into it with open communication and really ask themselves what would happen if their partner acted like them but was more successful, this doesn’t happen.
???
I don’t understand what you’re trying to say?
I was just saying even when it’s mutual women get more interest than men.
I see, I meant the part where the dude gets flustered about that fact and problems arise.
It’s often a part of these stories and I never get how a couple with communication skills that bad expects a different outcome.
Yet all poly people I know just … do their thing and are happy.
Bro should have tried Grindr.
Gender…
Sure, try it after 35…
I have, and it’s working out just fine! Negativity doesn’t encourage growth and exploration. High standards and low expectations do.
The question is, in an age of guns for self defense, what do men have on offer? Will they end up learning how to diet, exercise, cook, clean, and look after the children in order to maintain stronger relationships with hot partners? Will men finally be in charge of the domestic sphere, and women rule elsewhere? Some perhaps having cicisbeo?
What men have to offer is that they are people, who each have their own unique, inner world, shaped by their life experiences. They have the capacity to learn and grow beyond their past, and to learn how to facilitate the growth of a partner.
Some men won’t allow themselves this kind of growth, and will condemn both themselves and the people around them to being miserable, but you can’t force people to change. But there are many men who relish the chance to be something other than the narrowly defined ideal enforced by the pressures of hegemonic masculinity.
We have penis to offer lol, not appealing to me but for some reason lots of women like it.
Men and women (or any genders) are not different in any meaningful way
They are just people
The only inherent difference is identity, and the exherent differences (norms, expectations, how they are viewed and treated (including by themselves)) are unnecesary and often harmful
