I could never feel safe on a date with someone who censors swear words in screenshots they post to the fucking Internet.
I think if someone implied they were bringing someone without at least asking, as this person did, I would match their rude energy and say “I did not agree to that, so here are my boundaries.”
The way the other party phrased it would annoy the shit out of me. 'I’m bringing my best friend." Ok, so why don’t you date them? Causes way more friction than asking “Hey, I know it’s unconventional but I would like a friend to be there just for my safety since we don’t know eachother yet.”
This happened to me, but we all went back to my apartment and played Smash Bros. I did not get laid and I have no regrets.
Man, I think I’d prefer that outcome. Getting laid is easy compared to finding fun people to game with
If this had happened to me there’s a zero percent chance I wouldn’t have taken a shot at the threesome at some point.
Opportunities don’t come along like this every day.
I had a girl bring a guy friend along on our first date without giving me a heads up for the same reason. I was like, ok that’s a little weird but whatever. I’m certainly not going to give someone shit for doing something that makes them feel comfortable. Ended up chatting it up with the guy friend who turned out to be super cool.
So me and the girl end up seriously dating after a while and she later tells me that she spent most of our first date trying to subtly get her friend to leave so that she could spend more time with me.
Lol there’s got to be a term that’s the inverse of cockblocking. Maybe like cockenabling for something.
Wingman is the term you’re looking for.
But in my date’s opinion, he was clam jamming her!
But clam jamming is what you wanted to do, so he was helping,lol.
It wouldn’t bother me if somebody wanted to bring a friend on a date. However, I would communicate that it would change the dynamic into a “hangout” over a traditional “date” for me. The difference being that a date carries romantic intent and a hangout is for the sake of connecting with others without romantic expectations. Also, a hangout means everybody pays for themselves.
This takes the pressure off by lowering the stakes since it’s now just a casual hangout between peers. It also has the benefit of making the third not feel excluded as a third wheel but a welcome part of the group.
Last time a chick brought a friend with her, I got on better with the friend… And I went home with the friend. Pro tip, if youre bringing a friend. Dont make it a friend thats better to talk to than you are.
I had a girl cancel and reschedule our first date shortly before we were supposed to meet up. That date happened, and she confided in me that she’d done that on purpose to gauge my reaction and general demeanor before actually coming out to meet me. I respected that move, and I think I would have been okay with her bringing a friend instead, as long as it was just the once.
Anyway, that was eight years ago, we’re married now.
Nice that it worked out but deception and playing games would be a huge red flag for me. Nothing about that instance in particular, it’s just that I’d always wonder “is this situation for real or another trick?”
Maybe the immediate followup fixes it. You were strangers then after all. And after eight years of course you know what you’re working with haha
Damnit now I’m just rambling to myself, carry on!
Look at this dude… Being happy
Quick! Scan his post and comment history to find something to bring him down!!
Weakness identified!
Who do you think you are, flexing your relationship like that.
You’re a dumbass for playing along with such insane bullshit but I’m glad it worked out for you.
I don’t think “begrudging women a single test to see if someone is the type to explode over a single inconvenience” is the right hill to stick your flag on.
Trying to start a relationship by playing games is very much a good place to find red flags.
It might seem like a game to you but that’s someone’s life.
Do you have an alternative for how they should determine if a potential partner is a danger? Besides hiring a private detective or rolling the dice by finding out after they’re invested?
If you can’t trust a stranger even a little bit then don’t date complete strangers. Limit your dating pool to your circle of friends, friends of friends, people you already know or that your friends vouch for.
That is so utterly devoid of empathy that I have nothing left to say to you.
Yeah, lack of empathy on her side, I know. If you think your date is a potential rapist/murderer/… then why are you trying to date them?
Yeah, I’d say it’s a red flag except there are a ton of crazies that this quickly filters for them and keeps them safe from.
So in an ideal world it would be bad, but it makes sense in the one we live in.
Is it still normalized that the man should pay the date?
What year is it? 1825?
If i invite someone out to dinner I pay. If someone invites me out to dinner I expect them to pay. However, I think in general in the US most men and women expect the man to pay.
This is an outdated expectation, although it could also be considered respectful on a date.
I’ve heard that in restaurants in the USA you often give your credit card and they scan it and return it because they don’t have portable terminals. I’ve also heard that it’s often returned to the man regardless of name on card / who gave it. Both of these seem very outdated.
Smart servers just put the check and the card between the people if it’s not obvious who’s paying. I’m a great test case for this because my spouse and I both happen to have first names that could belong to a man or a woman.
It’s pretty much random which one of us pays because we pool our money anyway.Often they drop the bill in the little book and we stick the card in the end of it and put it back on the end of the table, they come by, run the card and then come back….
you can see the fear in their eyes sometimes, like “oh shit. This could be either one of them… 50/50 chance I annoy the one who’s writing the tip”.
We’ve both worked service industry so we don’t care at all and tip well either way but it’s pretty funny to see the realization sometimes.
Oh and, if it’s two people on a date (not a boring old married couple like us eating dinner) and there’s only one bill… 9/10 it’s the guy paying.
If it were the girl shouldn’t have any choice.
Now they have things called rights and stuff
Who gives out money on a first date? Go have walk somewhere.
Grey text is looking out for their safety, good for them. Blue text is clearly communicating their boundaries, good for them. Neither is phrasing their needs as I would, but that’s small potatoes. I’d rather date either of these people than most of the ones replying in this thread.
I get it, I absolutely respect someone wanting to be safe, but i think it would also absolutely ruin the date for me. I just can’t really interact the same way in a group as I do one on one. Either that, or I’d end upv mirroring both of them simultaneously and it would end up in a throuple.
throuple goals!
throuple
Threesome. Corrected for you.
Nope. Throuple is dating, threesome is a one-time thing. Like if my wife and I have a girlfriend, we would be a throuple. And if we all sleep together, it would be a threesome. But saying “throuple=threesome” is like saying “couple=sex” when the two describe fundamentally different things. One is the relationship between people, and the other is just a physical act.
Nice condescending attitude though.
throuple : threesome :: couple : hook-up
is this valid C code?
It could be valid C++ code within a function, if not for the last colon which isn’t a unary nor binary operator
There’s a unix/eunuchs joke in there somewhere.
nope, it’s the verbal analogy puzzle format used by tests like the SAT.
I’ve been dating most of my life and never once had a woman ask to bring a friend and I am a very large man. Also, I feel like 1st dates are implied dutch unless someone offers to pay. I’ve never discussed who will pay before a date in my life. I don’t know how he would even think he’d be paying for the friend too. It wouldn’t even cross my mind as something a woman would assume a date was expected to do. If a woman expected that at check time, I would be pretty surprised. Maybe I’m just old, but this whole interaction feels weird.
There’s a non insignificant amount of women dating only for free meals, and a lot of them expect men to pay for any number of friends. A lot of guys have opted for lower cost or zero cost first dates, like walks to screen for this.
I’ve never discussed who will pay before a date in my life
Either this person in incredibly tactless or this is some kind of incel meme shitpost.
Either way, whomever is passing it around seems to have a bone to pick.
It wouldn’t even cross my mind as something a woman would assume a date was expected to do.
Idk, really depends on the dynamic between them all. If they’re broke college kids and he’s an older person with a stable job and surplus cash? If he’s picking the restaurant to impress her, knowing she can’t afford it? If he already offered up thread in order to entice her out?
But that makes the “date” feel more like a Sugar Baby relationship than a proper date. Also might explain why she feels the need to bring a friend.
Yeah, I have never had any desire to date a woman I had to pay for everything to impress. I am happy to pay if I know their financial situation is sketchy, but I would offer that. I don’t do sugar daddy shit. I prefer women with better motives in dating.
Anyone afraid to go to an agreed meeting in a public place NEEDING a friend along is beyond weird
The friend isn’t there for when the date is in the public space. The friend is there for after to ensure the girl gets home safe.
I had a girl ask if it was OK to bring a friend once, I said it was fine. She ended up coming alone anyway.
You showed a green flag by saying yes, so she probably felt safe enough.
Or a serial killer that was only interested in double kills
Everyone loves mind games :3
Its not really a mind game IMO, if he had said no she might’ve still gone with a friend. It’s not a test it’s literally just wanting a clue re safety.
Have you considered fearing all men isn’t a healthy way for an adult to live? And how is that level of prejudice shows through this action?
Adults can go on a date in public by themselves. There are some men who will be hurt but still tolerant, and there will be some that find it offensive.
First dates are Dutch. Hard stop.
Anything else is an escort, and at least double means something with them.
You bring your friend, fine, but you or they pay for their meal and yours.
I’m here to see if we match, not serve as a stopgap in the apts food budget.
Dutch?
Swamp Germans
Means you pay for your own meal. Not sure why it where but probably some racist thing, I assume
More of a cultural thing, I think. From what I’ve gathered from a friend that lives in the Netherlands the dutch are pretty serious about paying for their own meals and getting people to pay for theirs. I even remember seeing a sketch made by some dutch people where one gives a bite of their sandwich to a coworker or something and then they tell the coworker that they’re owed x amount for it.
it’s not about race, but nation. it’s probably xenophobic
I remember when a date auction at my college worked this way, the girls always came in pairs. When I thought about it afterwards, it made sense, but it still made me feel just apprehensive enough in the moment - being outnumbered in a moment of social vulnerability - that I didn’t bid on anyone.
