My favourite theory of the rapture
It already happened … no one noticed because no one was taken up.
With a hard cap of 144,000 in Heaven, the rapture happened already.
Isn’t the rapture supposed to be like… the first step of the apocalypse? Cause I’m lookin around at the state of things right now and uh…
Yup, the skull fucking imps will be a part of the first wave of demons. Should get used to wearing helmets now to protect your skull.
How can I make my skussy more appealing to the imps?
Don’t wear a hat and keep your ears clean.
Also known as the skussy
Hell yeah it is
卄乇ㄥㄥ ㄚ乇卂卄
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Or so few people were taken up that it just amounted to a few missing person’s cases
It’s all the missing prostitutes from around the world, which is either heartwarming or horrifying depending on your level of trust in theoretical God.
Just leave me behind. Thinking about it someone needs to do a pro rapture movie where all the people left behind live in peace now that god has taken them all away. Can you imagine the shit that would get thrown around by these dipshits if that movie hit the net?
Skipped over again. Thank god.
HECK YES LETS GET RAPTORED AF
reads closer
Wait what?
raptor sauce
I missed something were we supposed to be raptured today?
Not you.
Fuck… I had it in my calendar for next Tuesday
On the plus side, you can feed my cat now.
I will abduction your cat
His name is Bitey. He’s very sweet but don’t get your face too close.
I wanted extra facial piercings
There is some wild pastor (from south Africa?) who “dreamt that jesus is coming. Soon.” Apparently it’s tomorrow to thursday. And then there is some sort of tribulation for 3.5 or 7 years or whatever.
There is going to be lots of people “disappearing” during those two days, according to all this bullshit.
I can’t wait 🥱😴
Occurring over a couple of days? Guess that finally answers my question on whether the rapture would happen planet-wide all at once, or go by time zones.
The real rapture will be over in a few hours once all of the bombs have gone off.
Thank you! I was genuinely curious what happened
I got raptured but I was hung up on my bedsheets and just floated in the bedroom for 20 minutes. I guess I’ll have to catch the next one.
Ah that sucks! I got halfway up and my beam started sputtering, letting me go a little, and struggling to pull me up again. An angel flew down to warn me there could only be one person per beam due to weight constraints and realized it was just me.
They slowly lowered me back down, stuttering the whole way. Dropped me the last 5ft, than I heard a booming voice from the sky say “No fatties”.
Turns out a lot of them were in Gaza, they left behind more than their clothes however maybe we can reconcile this with a metempsychosis model of rapture ?
The rapture happened and all I got was this stupid t-shirt
Maybe next time
It would be good if all the hypocrites who preach about how christlike they are would go away
They all are disqualified for praying in public. Shouldn’t have done that.
Also, presuming to tell God what is what, and vanity.
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I was very disappointed at the gym this morning when I realized I didn’t have it all to myself.
Lemme tell ya, I have never been more raptured!
Props on the username, OP
✋
