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"no" banana to Lemmy Shitpost@lemmy.world • 3 months ago

Stop touching your stuff!

lemmy.world

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Stop touching your stuff!

lemmy.world

"no" banana to Lemmy Shitpost@lemmy.world • 3 months ago
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  • @ArbitraryValue@sh.itjust.works
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    39•
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    3 months ago

    You can hang on to the penis of someone who’s climbing.

    • unalivejoy
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      26•3 months ago

      You can also buy an auto-jacker and go hands free.

      • @rockSlayer@lemmy.world
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        18•3 months ago

        I love living in the future

      • @DickFiasco@lemm.ee
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        4•3 months ago

        Does the auto-jacker go on the penis or the ladder? Honestly sounds like it could work for either one.

        • @slackassassin@sh.itjust.works
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          4•3 months ago

          Don’t let them upsell you on an auto jacker, the manual ones work just fine.

  • 👍Maximum Derek👍
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    28•3 months ago

    I hate being on ladders, I’ll stay down here with the penises.

    • Midnight Wolf
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      4•3 months ago

      Hello.

  • Boomer Humor Doomergod
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    19•3 months ago

    Thanks for assuming it’s a handful

  • @slackassassin@sh.itjust.works
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    15•3 months ago

  • Zloubida
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    13•
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    3 months ago

    I know it’s shitposting, but even if we accept the idea that God would be interested by what you do with your own body when you’re alone, isn’t the whole point of the Bible that you don’t have to climb to go to heaven, but accept God’s grace?

    I.don’t understand evangelicalism.

    • "no" bananaOP
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      6•3 months ago

      Some would even argue that the point isn’t to accept god’s grace but to be a good neighbor and take care of your fellow man.

      • Zloubida
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        1•3 months ago

        Yes, I agree. I meant the point about heaven 🙂.

    • "no" bananaOP
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      2•3 months ago

      Some would even argue that the point isn’t to accept god’s grace but to be a good neighbor and take care of your fellow man.

  • @hperrin@lemmy.ca
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    11•3 months ago

    So stop at every rung to jerk off. I’m not in a hurry.

  • 𝔳𝔢𝔩𝔲𝔪𝔪𝔬𝔯𝔱𝔦𝔰
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    9•3 months ago

    What about two penises

    • @Frozengyro@lemmy.world
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      10•3 months ago

      What do you think the ladder is made of?

      • @werefreeatlast@lemmy.world
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        4•3 months ago

        Penises obviously.

        • @SkyezOpen@lemmy.world
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          4•3 months ago

          Watch me climb the dick ladder mouth first.

        • @0ops@lemm.ee
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          2•3 months ago

          I heard that ladder had like, 30 goddamn dicks

  • modifier
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    8•3 months ago

    I was literally touching my penis when my eyes alit on this post.

    My first thought was that this was an incredible coincidence, and worthy of remark, but now I’m starting to wonder if maybe I’m subconsciously handling this thing more than I realize.

  • @ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world
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    8•3 months ago

    Protip: you can climb perfectly well if said dicks are in your ass.

  • Diplomjodler
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    7•3 months ago

    Wait, I have to climb all the way up there? No thanks. I’ll rather stay down here and spank the monkey.

  • @realitista@lemm.ee
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    3 months ago

    No!?! Watch me!!!

    • @finitebanjo@lemmy.world
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      3 months ago

      TBH I could easily climb 1 handed.

      • @realitista@lemm.ee
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        1•3 months ago

        Just switch which hand grabs your johnson as you climb each rung.

        • @finitebanjo@lemmy.world
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          2•3 months ago

          Or you can skip the rungs and hold the side of the ladder.

          Then at the top Kermit the Frog is waiting “each rung represents a sin in life to overcome. Try again.” and kicks me down to the bottom.

  • @DragonsInARoom@lemmy.world
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    6•3 months ago

    Sex gives you STI STOP SEX NOW

    • @PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca
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      5•3 months ago

      Oh fuck, for free???
      I love Subaru

  • @Prime_Minister_Keyes@lemm.ee
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    5•3 months ago

    🎶 What’s love but a second hand in motion. 🎶

  • @TempermentalAnomaly@lemmy.world
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    3 months ago

    I hoping to ascend and not to climb. I’ve gotta say, I’m worried that after a while god might not be able to do it. Like he gets me half way up and then I just kind slowly drop down to earth… And hes like all apologizing … “Sorry, it’s been a long day. This has never happened to me before. Maybe we can try again in the morning.” So on and so on.

    All the while knowing he was intimidated by me swinging around my rock hard cock yelling “Look mom! No hands!”

  • @Tylerdurdon@lemmy.world
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    5•3 months ago

    I mean, wouldn’t you have fairly strong grip strength with a lot of “practice?”

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