Acquire drugs and go see Koyaanisqatsi.
Get Jodie Foster’s attention?
Go back to sleep. Finally I can get the 43 years of sleep I always wanted!
Perfect, I didn’t exist yet. I’ll stop my parents from having me
Find evidence of Trump’s crimes and try to get him convicted, or at least discredited, before people even think about electing him
Change my underwear
First I’d bask in all the social and financial safety nets that Reagan and the Bushes hadn’t been able to destroy yet. Watch some pro-union TV ads. Then try to meet Mr Rogers and Ramblin’ Rod.
Then I’d probably try to invent rechargeable lithium tetrahydride batteries a couple years ahead of time, use the money to invest in MS and Oracle, and funnel the profits to Enron and Bernie Madoff before their bottoms drop out. Once I’m too rich to jail, I’d have some other people I’d want to “meet”… while armed.
Do you know how to invent rechargeable lithium tetrahydride batteries right now?
I know the chemistry and I know some of the universities working on it in the 70s and 80s. I don’t know how I’d get in the door with no credentials. I like to think I could talk myself into Oxford… it’s delusional, but I like to think it.
Your mom does
Fucking panic, try to get a life together, and watch the whole world lose their complete shit at 9/11 again. But like. I’ll buy popcorn this time you know.
Go to kindergarten, same as always
visit New York and take out some trash before it gets too orange
Invest in CD players.
Move far away and do as little as possible for effectively the rest of my life, to prevent some butterfly effect shit from interfering with the birth of my child. Become a fucking hermit in Spain or the Philippines or something.
Buy some shoulder pads and cocaine. Kill Elon Musk.
Say “why’s it so dark in here?” from my dad’s nutsack
The boys are back in town!
Buy some stock.
80s? Get as big of a loan as you can from anywhere you can, then buy Hasboro, Nike, Disney, McDonald’s, Walmart. Then sell off Hasboro in the 90s to buy Apple or Cisco, sell McD’s and Nike in the 00s to buy Sandisk or Nvidia, and sell Disney in the 10s to buy Tesla, and enjoy your fuck off money from there out.
