I used to have this problem, but I somehow got over it by imagining to piss in the face of the queen of England. Something about unloading in her face while she’s sitting there all prissy like makes me laugh which relaxes my muscles enough to piss.
So thankful the internet still says infinitely more hilarious and baffling things on a daily basis than AI could ever manage.
Why do you think this couldn’t have been written by AI?
But what do you do now that there’s no queen?
I tried this, but got a boner instead
This is what I stay on Lemmy for
I don’t think this will help me, but thanks for the laugh
The Queen and peeing reminds me of this
You think someone will follow a youtube link in the context of peeing on the queen’s face?
Who wouldn’t?
In the end she’ll be sitting there all pissy.
Thank you very much for sharing
What is opposite of this image/gif? That’s how I feel rn
This reminds me of one night where a group of friends went out drinking. Just before we were going to leave the pub to go to one further down the road one friend said he needed to take a piss. It triggered something in a bunch of us as most of us realised we needed to go.
The toilets were really busy; that situation where you’re pissing in what is basically a trough with your elbows touching the elbows of other guys next to you. Immediately on trying to go it just wasn’t happening. I stood awkwardly for about a minute, zipped up, washed my hands and went outside.
Everyone gathered round and we started walking. We were walking in silence for about a minute when one guy said “Did anyone else manage to actually pee?” To which loads of us burst out laughing. Turns out we all did the same thing, even though we needed to pee, we all failed to do so.
That’s a real group of bros
One time I was in line to piss before watching a Mastodon concert, and I really had to piss, and I stood in line with like 50 dudes waiting for ye olde washroom, and there was like two urinals and a stall. Well fuck me the stall was taken, so not wanting to be a rude dick to every other dude in line I tried to use the urinal. So I whipped out mah johnson, and it was pretty much like the comic, got pee shy, held it for like 30 I don’t know 45 seconds or something. Nothing. I’m like looking over my shoulder at this massive line of of dudes behind me. Fuck. So I just pretended to shake it, shoved it back into my pants and was miserable having to piss the whole Mastodon set.
I fucking hate having to piss in public around people. It’s so terrible.
Pro tip: If you have a shy bladder, you can just go into a stall to pee.
The walk of shame to the stall after standing silently surrounded by confident urinators for 3 minutes
Just announce that you were mistaken and you also have to shit, that should dispel any awkwardness.
Honestly no one cares. Do your thing.
If only anxiety listened to reason
Agreed.
However, you can’t spend your whole life listening to anxiety - that road leads to madness!
I still think full disclosure is the best policy, keeps everything above board.
Like other people give a piss.
Doesn’t work for me, must be different room.
In high school I was sometimes late because I had to find empty restroom, which sometimes meant switching between different buildings (4 of them).Damn, that sucks. You ever pee outdoors? Is that better
Old guy from the comic presses his ear to the door “Hey! I don’t hear shittin! This guys just pissin in there!”
Now I need an extra panel with him sliding under the stall like a mechanic under a car.
That guy is way too interested in other people’s evacuations.
I already do that. Urinals don’t have tp for pp.
You mean you don’t vigorously shake piss droplets all over the place?
That’s Neil Kohney! Can recognize them testicular chins anywhere.
that guy looks like the dad from cloudy with a chance of meatballs lol
I don’t get fishing metaphors!
Thought the same thing.
The comic for the women’s bathroom is two girls in stalls waiting for the other one to leave so she can shit.
I sit down when I pee. There nothin that crazy bout me.
In the urinal? Like, facing forwards?
sidesaddle, like a prim and proper lady, all shipshape and bristol fashion
Like planking face down
You’re sitting down but You’re not making brown?
This guy gets it
Great, now I’m not going to be able to pee all day.
Try counting to ten while you pee.
That doesn’t work if I can’t start peeing!
Hah, I’ve literally been there. Imagine a 9’x9’ prison cell with two men, steel bunk “beds”, and a solid steel toilet. Also, you’re high on suboxone because there’s not much else to do in prison.
You’re a grown man, standing facing the toilet with wiener in hand, with another grown man’s head like 3 feet behind your ass. Standing there for what feels like eternity. And you’re thinking “Oh shit. He’s going to think I don’t know how to piss or something. This is weird. His head is way too close to my ass. Fuck, I’d better not fart. I forgot how pain killers and shit can make you unable to piss. It’s got to be the sub I took. I have to go so bad but I don’t know how to make it work. I did forget how to pee!”
And as you panic, your bunkie finally says something like “What the fuck, dude? Did you forget how to piss?” and all of your fears come true.
I used to sit because it was more comfortable.
Now I sit for… Different reasons lmao
All right then, keep your secrets.
frodo.gif
There are some clues though
Anybody that has actually cleaned a toilet will be aware of the benefits of sitting
Because you might unexpectedly shit too, I presume
I guess you should change your name mmh
Ha! I bet you don’t have balls to tell the reason! /s
Sitting is also nice because you don’t have to worry about potentially wiping the seat.
I feel this, also if I just can’t squeeze anything out there is this additional awkward thought process.
When do I put it away? Will they know I didn’t pee? Should I shake it to pretend I peed? Oh God there is a child next to me. Now everyone will think I am pretending to pee to see this child’s weiner. I can’t step away now. I’ll just have to wait until the room is empty.
the bathroom never empties out, I die there.
I always thought this comic was upvoted because the absurdity of it is funny, not because it’s a thing that people are actually anxious about and therefore relate to.
Oh it’s definitely a thing which makes it funnier on top of the absurdity.
one day you’re the dude with the hair, then you grow a mustache or something idk how this universe’s power scaling works
I’ve got this trick. Basically, I start relaxing the muscles on the way to the restroom. Not enough that there’s any chance I’ll piss myself before I get there. Just enough that by the time I’m in front of the urinal, it’s not difficult to start the stream quickly.
There was this one time I felt kindof bad about. went to the restroom where I worked (back before I was working remotely) and used “the trick” as usual. I get there, and there’s a guy at one of the urinals already. I peed, flushed, washed my hands, and left the restroom before he produced a drop.
Of course, in all likelihood, “the trick” won’t continue to work so well as my beard grows grayer, and some day I’ll be the other guy.
Honestly, leaving ultra quickly is the kindest thing you can do if he’s struggling.
I could write a lengthy essay about how the design of modern western public bathrooms reflects our social hypocrisies, inconsistencies, and social ills. In fact I have been gathering thoughts for a while now with plans to do so.
And I too opt for a stall whenever possible, I’m a cis-presenting man but I still don’t feel safe enough at a urinal for the pee to flow. But this stuff is often invisible to those it doesn’t affect adversely.
!subscribe
I wish I could sit down when I pee, but my dick and balls are so long they get dunked when I do so. 😔
I know what you mean, my dingley dangleys are so big that i have to use a hand rail to support the weight shift when i unsheathe 😔
Uh, Relevant username? (My DMs are open lol)
