I was a bouncer. A lot of people claimed to be someone important. They mostly weren’t. I pulled Jess Gower (a local celeb) and her friends out of the queue years ago because I knew she was a bit famous. She seemed a really nice normal person.

IT here so “customer service” but internally for a company, and yes I get this one from time to time. More often than its because someone failed their ID check and or forgot their security questions and they blow a gasket when we tell them to open a ticket by email or the portal.

Blah blah blah, do you know how busy I am, blah blah blah do you know who I am, blah blah blah…

Look, I dont care if your some security guard or the CEOs personal ass wiper. Resetting credentials is a critical function that the admins pawn off on us techs because users are insufferable and they dont want to deal with them most of the time. If you cant be bothered to do a little managment of your creds and keys, how the fuck do you still have a job. Get a password manager if its allowed but if we fail an audit because you wrote it down under your keyboard again… Well that problem is above my paygrade.

Well I’ve got to drop Ronnie Pickering

https://youtu.be/hg5cJNXWEpk

Do you know who I think I am?

My friend was working front of house at a posh hotel in Edinburgh and Irvine Welsh (the author of Trainspotting) tried to pull the “Do you know who I am?” as he was being thrown out for being rowdy. My mate responded, “Yes I know who you are that’s why I’m chucking you out!”

My brother had a funny story about this. His friend worked in IT and was doing one of those system things that take all day and take the system down. He wasn’t supposed to let anyone in the building during this. So an executive comes to the door, his key card doesn’t work, he buzzes the bell. The guy inside answers, and says he can’t let anyone in. Exec says “Do you know who I am?” and the employee responds with a tentative “well, do you know who I am?”

“No”

“Ok, I can’t let you in.”

State senators are pretty easy to overlook. I know one and he’s not super recognizable, he just looks like a well-dressed guy.

Famous old story. There is a fire alarm in a fancy hotel. Guests are told to go to the front of the lobby (near the exit, in case they have to evacuate) and wait for an all-clear. They do that except for this one guy, who lingers around the service desk or something. Hotel worker goes up to him and says “excuse me sir, guests have to wait over there (pointing)”. Guy puffs up and says “you know you are talking to the vice president?”. Hotel worker goes apologetic and says “oh I’m sorry sir, I didn’t know! Do whatver you have to” and leaves the guy alone.

A minute later the hotel worker returns with a suspicious look, and asks the guy “Wait a minute sir, what are you the vice president of?”. Guy puffs even more and with a chill in his voice says “the United States of America!”. Worker says “Oh! Get over there then (points to guest area). I thought you were the vice president of the hotel!”.

worked at Walmart. someone pulled that on me. my response, “If I knew who you were, would you have to ask me that?”

they stood there, kind of stunned and asked to see a manager.

evidently they were some distantly related person to the regional manager.

🤷 like that fuckin matters. I still didn’t know, nor care, who they were.

Heh. Not exactly. But I worked retail in college and this really popular chef opened up a new restaurant near us. He came in one day and was being helped and every time his phone rang he stopped the person helping him to go walk off and take the call. This happened A LOT. So, I went out there and said clearly you’re not in a position to be helped today so we’re going to take care of these other people first. Then I paused and looked him right in the eyes. He got it, left then came back in a few days later when he was actually ready. I looked out there and he threw me a nod. After that he’d come in every now and then and we’d talk a bit. We never talked about that day but I think he respected what I did and understood he would do it for his staff also.

Nope, but I did go to school with a kid whos dad worked at Nintendo.

I was the sysadmin for a local company that mainly did custom ecommerce & CMS site building for local companies. Way before I started they also provided email addresses to local residents, and the first like ~100 people to sign up got a free account for life. We offered like 250MB storage, which was pretty awesome in the pre-gmail days.

Anyway, one of the lucky residents to sign up was a very interesting guy. In and out of homeless shelters, he ran for mayor every election, and at one point built his own three-wheeled Segway-like thing that he decorated to look like a Roman chariot that he would ride around during the weekly farmer’s market.

So yea. One day we get a call and the usual tech support bump it up to me because they don’t understand it. I answer the phone and am met with a barrage of rants about how my company is in league with the satanic monsters at AOL trying to stop him from becoming mayor and how once he’s elected he’ll blow our cover and expose us all.

Dear reader, he was trying to send an email to an @aol.com account that didn’t exist, and was getting a “no such address” reply from their “mailer daemon” - their mail server software.

I didn’t know who he was before then, but that’s how I learned.

I have met some celebrities. Didn’t know a single one of them. Have been absolutely uneventful in these conversations. I did get the ‘Hey I used to work here you know!’ a couple times at my current job at a supermarket. Which is always funny because our turnover is insane so like, yea, you and a thousand other people who tf cares, I’m not looking in the back for your apple juice sir.

“You don’t know who you are!? Do you have dementia? Is your carer here?

Hey Dave, this lady doesn’t know who she is! Can you get her a cup of tea while I call the police, somebody must be missing her”

I actually had to do this twice to two different customers over a number of years. Both times they backpedaled quickly and stopped being dickheads.

Working on the helldesk of an internet provider in the early 2010s.

Dude had our bog standard account and tried to claim he was our biggest customer.

Really mate? You aren’t a university, you are a mum and pop shop that got shafted by our competitor and we came in and rescued you.