This has been on my mind lately. My dad is going through it, his sister has got it pretty bad and I apparently have the predisposed gene to get in my future.
I’m leaning no because I wouldn’t want to make my child go through slowly watching their dad’s mind leave them and also potentially pass it on to them when they get older.
It’s thrown me for a loop since I always imagined myself having kids and I’m around that age now.
What do you think?
Edit: I just want to say that I did not expect the kind of response this post got. I’m grateful for all of your comments and the perspectives it’s allowed me to peak into.
I also should mention that were I to have children they would most certainly not be burdened by being the crutch of my own personal journey of accepting and loving who I am. That is work for me alone and I would never unload that responsibility onto those I love and especially those who I’d be raising.
As for my partner not wanting kids, I would never consider forcing or persuading them to raise a child when they know for certain it’s not in their cards. This is another element in how I’ve been navigating this question. I love her with everything I have and I can’t imagine us being apart and yet there is a pang that lingers of the father I assumed I would eventually become.
Anyway, thanks again for your thoughtful replies. They’ve helped so much especially since this is the first time I’ve voiced these thoughts.
Yes, but I’d adopt if I thought it was inheritable. Raising kids doesn’t have to mean giving birth to them.
not having kids means ending your own gene pool litereally weeding out your gene from thousands of year of evolution.
Yeah, because my genes, in this case, are debilitating.
I care a lot more about my memetic legacy than my genetic one.
There have been some major strides in treatments that slow and/or halt the progression of Alzheimer’s recently. I would think that in the next 30-50 years it would be a much more manageable disease.
I understand the concern of passing it down, but there is always adoption or sperm/egg donation, if you still wanted to be a parent. Honestly, nothing is guaranteed. You could die of something else long before Alzheimer’s could develop, or you could live to 100 in perfect health. Most of us will fall somewhere in between.
I wouldn’t let something like that stop you from starting a family if it’s what you really want in life.
Yes, my dad has been on medication that slows it, but it’s definitely taken a turn these past few months. We had to get the doctor to tell him to stop driving this month. It’s been really hard on him especially since he doesn’t know why and thinks it’s his fault and that it must be because he is simply too dumb enough to drive. It’s truly heartbreaking.
Also, that’s a good point that something entirely different could happen before Alzheimer’s.
I don’t have really any big fears in my life. I’m good with heights, I can run workshops and talk in front of hundreds of people. But I’ve always truly feared losing my mind since my psych 101 class in college. My plan is to go to a country that allows assisted suicide if I do end up getting it and can still make decisions in my right mind.
From your other replies it seems like you’re unsure you want kids in any case, but if you do there’s a simple thought experiment here: do you wish your father hadn’t had you? If not, it’s reasonable to think your children would be just as grateful to be alive as you are, sick dad or not.
it seems like you’re unsure you want kids in any case
Unless you’re certain you want kids, don’t have them. I love my little one, but it’s not easy.
Kids deserve to have parents who can give them 100% and you do not want to live the rest of your life resenting them.
The positive for experiences dont equal out the negative experiences though. Negative experiences weigh more
But still, that would be weighed correctly in the question whether OP is glad their dad had them, the question isn’t whether they haven’t had happy memories
I have strictly instructed my family, including my wife, that if I ever develop alzheimers I want to be euthanized. If I am sufficiently lucid at the point of diagnosis I will have no problem overdosing on something and going out in peace.
I’ve come up with the idea of an annual test of basic facts and current events (very basic). Once I get to the point where I can’t pass this test with flying colors, off me and launch my corpse into the ocean via trebuchet plz. Game over. Not interested in seeing where the rest of that ride goes. Seen it many times before with family members and I don’t like it.
Problem is there’s a catch 22. If you’re not lucid enough to answer those questions, you’re not lucid enough side whether you live or die from a legal standpoint.
Every law I know that allows euthanasia requires that the person have a terminal illness and enough mental faculties to make the decision. You run the risk of a loved one getting tried for murder if you ask them to give you the drugs and you are not competent to make the decision yourself.
Hell No. why hand that crap on to someone else. If I want kids I’d adopt.
There might be a cure for Alzheimer’s when you turn 65, medicine is advancing pretty rapidly now.
There might be a cure for Alzheimer’s when you turn 65, medicine is advancing pretty rapidly now.
Or even more likely by the time your (potential) kids get to that age.
This is the main reason I have not had children. I am almost 100% guaranteed to get Alzheimer’s in the pretty near future. Having watched countless of my family members go through the absolutely heart wrenching process of Alzheimer’s progression, I can’t in good conscience have children (so far anyway, I’m not 100% on it) for two reasons:
-
I don’t want to put them through the grueling process of caring for, and dealing with someone dying from Alzheimer’s
-
While it’s not guaranteed obviously, I don’t want to doom a child to a very very good chance of getting Alzheimer’s at some point in their lives.
There is of course a chance for a treatment to be developed but they’ve been saying that for decades and haven’t really come up with much of anything so far.
-
I wouldn’t have kids regardless. So…. No- I wouldn’t.
I wouldn’t even be alive to this age, much more having kids
How inheritable is it (50-50%)? How certain is that fate? How old are you?
I would not count it as an absolute no. 65 years of life is better than many get, and everyone has something bad in their genetics.
Also, you seem to care and that is rare. As you care, that is a plus for you raising someone. Maybe not your generic kids, but someone.
deleted by creator
This thread makea me think of dark souls 1, where Siglinde of Catharina had to kill her father as he went hollow.
But seriosly, you seem like quiet a good parent, maybe adopt children, if you don’t want them to have bad odds of getting Alzheimer. Also realisticly your partner would be the first person who’d take care of you.
I don’t want to have children, but if I knew I was going to get Alzheimer’s at 65 I would plan to leave this world at 64.
Absolutely not, what a cruel thing to do that would be, knowingly and willingly putting the risk and the needed care on an unborn child.
I lost my grandmother and dad to Alzheimer’s. I feel like it’s probably in my future, as well. It’s a miserable disease that makes me question a lot of end-care practices and my wife & I are absolutely going to have some strategies in place, but to answer your question we already have 3 beautiful children that I can’t imagine life without (pretty sure there’s an Alzheimer’s joke in there, somewhere). I certainly don’t want to put them through what I saw with my Dad, but I also wouldn’t want to have missed out on all the wonderful experiences I’ve had/will have with them on account of a “what if”.
Ultimately, the choice is yours to make but you’re clearly putting a lot of worthwhile thought into it and I’m sure whatever you decide will be the best choice for you. I’m sorry about your dad & sister, and if you ever need someone to talk to I’m here.
That means a lot. Thank you. ❤️
Yes.
There isn’t much that could make me not want to have kids.
…
I actually already have children. It is one of the best things I have ever done in my life.
