I’ve realized I’m a very atypical person: talking to coworkers in my age range today I realized they have a better financial situation than mine: they are married, some with children, own their own condos, houses, or are paying a mortgage, but can still live a normal life, own a car, some even have the luxury of not having to work 40 hours a week, but 32 because they don’t need to work more, house already paid, family and life objectives achieved.
Me: I’m 43, I don’t own but rent, meaning I pay for something I’m never going to own. The last 2 years I’ve been saving like crazy because I’m afraid of not having enough money for retirement, and because in my past I did so much stupid shit, meaning I wasted so many years not doing anything of use.
I have around 100K in the bank, I know I should invest but I’m also scared of losing that money and I don’t know if I should use that money as a down payment for a house.
My father owns 3 houses and I envy him. I’ve been thinking about asking him to sell one of the houses and give me the proceeds so I can buy my own place because some of my coworkers did that and could finance their own home. When my father went to study to another state my grandfather bought him a house there so he wouldn’t have to rent. When he moved back to home state he sold and invested the money to buy a new house there. He had way easier than me. It’s not fair. I feel… unloved?
I guess this makes me an entitled ass but I feel so… lost?
To summarize, I feel like a loser because I’m old, I’m behind most of my coworkers my age, I’m a very individualistic person but this means I’m going to die alone, but sometimes I feel alone and scared of being old and alone. I don’t own anything of value to my name, it’s like I’m an old teenager.
they are married, some with children, own their own condos, houses, or are paying a mortgage, but can still live a normal life, own a car, some even have the luxury of not having to work 40 hours a week, but 32 because they don’t need to work more, house already paid, family and life objectives achieved.
Do you actually want these things as well or do you just feel inferior when comparing your life to theirs?
You have more money stashed than the majority of people in the US. You could do practically anything you wanted to with enough conviction and a steady job and that much in savings.
The only person you should be comparing yourself to is your past self. Life isn’t a competition, you’re meant to find joy within it. That’s where I would start if I were you.
what i told you being an adult is an arbitrary and made up distinction and nobody ever actually grows up and literally every single person you have ever seen is to some degree faking it until they make it
Correct and anyone who feels otherwise is not to be trusted
Nobody ever makes it. You just get so good at the faking that nobody including yourself notices.
As someone with far less and fully satisfied, there is truly no standard. The idea of always wanting or needing more is something that is pushed upon us at a massive societal level. If you have the things you truly need, you can work towards things you want, and if you have the things you want, congrats. You’re there. It is an option to feel like you need more than what you have once your essentials are met. No one other than yourself actually cares if you’re ambitious and if you don’t get satisfaction from the ambition to pursue more, then don’t.
You are doing better than most with 100k in the bank. I wouldn’t sweat it much.
For real. Most people live paycheck to paycheck, including people who make $100k+ a year. They just have bigger bills. Living within your means is one of the most essential adult skills there is. It’s also lacking in most adults.
Daaamn, you have a hundred grand?
I’m almost 41 and you’re doing better than I am!
Also 41. Also same.
Yeah, im 41, i have a wife, a nice house, 2 cars, 4 kids, 3 dogs and quite a bit of debt. I wouldn’t trade any of that for the world, but i would love 100k in the bank…
The difference between you an a teenager is 20something years of life experience. Don’t infantalise yourself
And $100k in the bank 🙄
There is 100% teenagers with access to assests far beyond this, being in your 40s doesn’t mean youve got access to anything tbh
OP literally has access to $100k in the bank right now.
Gosh darn it I joined this new instance that doesn’t allow me to downvote comments that bother me 😐
Gotchu fam
Thank you!! 😂
Getting married and having kids really really sucks. This horrific world is going to ruin my children. I am not rich enough to protect them.
I am terrified. I should never have thought I could do this. The worst part is, I knew better.
Don’t do it. The rulers don’t deserve your children.
If you do get married, marry someone you trust with your very life itself, and don’t have kids.
Unless you are very rich and already own a lot of shit. Then do what you want.
I relate to this a lot.
Solidarity.
You don’t sound atypical to me. The millennial generation is buying houses later and starting families later, or not able or willing to do either one. $100k in the bank is doing far better than most your age. At least in the US, something like 50% of people are living paycheck to paycheck, and wouldn’t be able to pay a $1000 emergency expense.
Don’t take this as financial advice, but it seems there is evidence that all the housing speculation is nearing an end. There is a lot of supply that is currently just being sat on by companies who are hoping demand catches up again. But we’re starting to see a rise in foreclosure rates, and it’s suspected to go up through the year.
Many people in their 30s-40s have instead been spending their money on things like pokemon and sports betting. I recommend going to your bank or credit union and just putting the money in some kind of high yield savings account for now. Again, not financial advice, but I would not buy a house right now.
The potential exception would be if trump deliberately triggers mass inflation in an attempt to “offset” a market collapse. In which case…I don’t know how it shakes out in the end, but it can’t be good for anyone holding USD…
You are doing very well. I got married at 42. It’s the only time I’ve been married and was the worst mistake I’ve ever made. I love my spouse very much, but it was still a very big mistake. Don’t envy those people. Being lonely is still easier, and kids suck. Go get married and see how fast you save money then. You’ll be fucked.
Being lonely is still easier…
Lonely != alone. Big difference.
I tried to upvote you twice, but it wouldn’t let me!
I love my spouse very much, but it was still a very big mistake.
You’ve piqued my curiosity lol. What about marriage specifically was a mistake when you love your spouse? Taxes?
Just being drove in the ground. Adult child that causes severe issues. Being over committed as an introvert. Relocated and now can’t leave a place I hate because I’m so exhausted from problems. Too much noise and can’t sleep. Can’t sell house we bought for reason that is no longer valid because market sucks. There is some stupid occasion or celebration all the time. Can’t have staycation because it’s not relaxing. Money going out the window constantly.
Oh…I’m sorry things have been rough. I don’t think any of that is because of marriage? You sound burnt out, I hope things ease up sooner rather than later for you.
Thanks for the comment. I was thinking that maybe I need to manage burnout and it’s interesting someone else thought that might be the case.
I just want to second the comment here about a high yield savings account, or even a CD. They’re both low/no risk investments. If the money you have is just sitting there you might as well be getting interest on it and a high yield savings, or a CD, aren’t exposed to the market so you can only lose if the bank shuts down and the FDIC can’t reimburse you, but if that happens we all have much bigger issues to worry about lol
I’m in a much worse situation than you, also at 40, so I definitely feel your pain here. Single, renting a garage “apartment,” working a shitty dead end factory job, and no inheritance to ever expect to receive. I too don’t feel like a real adult, but a failure of a human. So you’re not alone there for sure.
You probably need to figure out what do you want. There is nothing wrong to be alone, not have family or kids. Unless it bothers you. There is nothing wrong to rent a home. Unless it bothers you. Figure out what you want, how the future in which you want to leave looks like. If you can’t, maybe talking to a psychologist worth a try - decide what problem you are trying to solve, book a few sessions, see if that moves you towards your better self.
Financially, I agree with many on this thread - keeping all $100k on a savings account is one of the worst things to do with your money. Keep a couple of months of expenses on savings, put the rest to work. CDs are mostly safe, and help offset the inflation. Buying home isn’t a bad option, and if it’s just a place for you to live, don’t consider it an investment depends on location, but you’ll likely save on monthly payments vs rent.
Once you figure out what you want from your life, talk to a financial advisor to set realistic financial goals and decide on home purchase or investments.
You are scared of the unknown. Get on the internets and download a mortgage/home ownership spreadsheet. Then you can see how much house/condo you can afford, and when you are ahead from renting.
What is an adult? It’s a culturally-defined concept which you don’t meet all the criteria for, and that’s why you feel this way. There are certain markers that you don’t possess. That’s OK. I’m in a pretty similar situation to you, and I also don’t feel “like an adult”. Embrace it. Look for similarly situated people that you can admire.
Bro I’m your age exactly and have less than a 1/10 of your savings, the world is your oyster with that kinda nest egg
Break your boy off a piece of the rapidly inflating contents of that bank account and I’ll fill you in on how to get past that feeling and reach a more whole state of being.
E: I am being %100 deadass. This post is not a joke or attempt to get “free” money. I know exactly what you’re describing and when you’re ready I’ll help you figure out why you specifically are experiencing it.
