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From the moment I understood the weakness of my biology, it disgusted me. I craved the strength and certainty of the boot. I aspired to the purity of Corporate Governance. Your kind cling to your caffeine, as though it will not crash and fail you. One day the crude occupation you call a “job” will be laid off, and you will beg the Government to save you. But I am already saved, for profits are immortal… Even in death I serve the Shareholders.
I hate how much sense this makes. Well, I guess the original is meant to be satire in real life so whatever
Adeptus Mechanicus from Warhammer 40000
“From the moment I understood the weakness of my flesh, it disgusted me. I craved the strength and certainty of steel. I aspired to the purity of the blessed machine. Your kind cling to your flesh as if it will not decay and fail you. One day the crude biomass that you call a temple will wither, and you’ll beg my kind to save you.But I am already saved. For the machine is immortal. Even in death I serve the Omnissiah.”
What’s crazy is that last line sounds like mere romantic sentiment until you read up on 40k lore.
Given that the Omnissiah is the only God I actually involve irl at times, I have to say it is a little bit of a romantic sentiment.
Knowledge is life.
What like this quote is narrated over a lovense commercial?
No, romantic in the “I love god” and embracing the majesty of a wonderful universe sense. In 40k lore, it actually means stuff like this.
Although if automated sex toys were a thing in 40k cannon, they would almost certainly be the domain of The Adeptus Mechanicus.
He’s going to feel so silly once he learns the concept of rust.
Fuck caffeine, it’s MATH TIME
You can tell this is fake because caffeine withdrawal does NOT just cause “lethargy” people would be going home with headaches and worse.
Yeah, I’d consider the urge to commit homicide “worse” (and as a fresh convert, let me say, I’d NEVER get away with this comment on Reddit)
If this was remotely true the
Looked ashamed of his natural biology
Would 100% be the psycho misreading this:
Caffeine withdraw is no joke, that’s how you get a really bad migraine or worse.
Yup, can very much confirm.
Should I stop drinking caffeine? I have two in the morning(7am and 8 am) and then none for the rest of the day. Am I subjecting myself to daily caffeine withdrawal?
(I only take medical advice from random internet people btw, never LLMs or 3D doctors)
The withdrawal symptoms would typically start in the afternoon on a day when you missed having caffeine in the morning altogether. But it will depend on your size and metabolism as well as how much caffeine you consume in one serving and how long you have been drinking it habitually.
if it was true it’s abuse~
Just like corporate governance.
a coffee lover knows difference
You think these people drink coffee for the flavor?
They’re addicts.
I drink coffee every day.
Flavour is certainly extremely important.
I have never met anyone that likes coffee on the first try. I’m not saying they don’t exist, I’m just saying most people acquire a taste for it the same way they do with alcohol.
I mean with that last bit… I mostly enjoyed the taste of alcohol from a young age.
I’m not saying you don’t exist, I’m just saying you’re an outlier.
Noob mistake!
A professional biological terrorist knows that you need to mix decaf beans and light roast beans (high in caffeine) into the bean reservoir at 50/50, resulting in randomly varying amounts of caffeine per brewing cycle/cup of coffee.
Never let their caffeine tolerance know the next move!
This is awful, but God so hilarious ( besides the weird psychopathy ) but as a senior prank or something it would go hard
An example of the most moral corporate executive. Involuntary biology experiments on unsuspecting subordinates seems like an upgrade from what they’re doing normally through the psychological torment.
It’s weird to me simply because I bring my own brew. Office coffee just isn’t as good as my moka pot and if you’ve got a zojirushi or similar high quality thermos, you can have hot coffee for a majority of the day.
Meanwhile me bringing hot water to work for a fresh brew of tea right there :p
My KleanKanteen does the same. I was surprised how long it kept my drink actually hot (>12h).
PS: Mine haa no plastics touching the hot liquids. Only a replaceable silicone ring.you bring 2L of coffee to work with you?
I’ll bring 500mL sure, but not a whole day’s worth
Highly recommend not drinking that much coffee every day. For your heart
I make a full pot out of 2 cups worth of grounds at home lol. after I figured out my occasional weekend headaches were from caffeine withdrawal, I realized I actually had to deal with cutting back
it is a problem now when I go to the office and can actually get full strength coffee each time. at least it’s very infrequent
I drink 500ml of tea and water at work.
If you can’t function without downing 3 or 4 cups of coffee, you need ro adjust somethingMoka pots are a little stronger than drip so it’s enough to keep me going. If something important is up, I might get a latte or something out… but I try to save that rush for important things so it still hits as intended.
Oh I should also mention I haven’t worked in an office for a couple years now. Now that I teach, I go full espresso before lecture and that’s it. Lol
It’s…time to make some changes in your life lol
People would notice within 6 hours. Source: had this happen to me, got a raging headache despite coffee, left office to go get some
Are we sure that this wasn’t written by Dwight K Schrute?
Dwight would have been drinking beet juice, not Red Bull
Fair point. Wait. That is exactly something Dwight would say. Nice try.
I adore coffee. But how would they know the caffeine levels of the coffee? That’s just not available. It’s either decaf or not.
Light roast tends to be more caffeinated than darker roasts.
Also, different bean times have different amounts of caffeine, but I haven’t tested this personally.
I wonder to what extent placebo would exist here.
So many people eating the onion in this thread, I’m getting secondhand embarrassment
