My grandmother used to say: if you expect your good deed to be reciprocated, you’re not actually doing a good deed.
She said it in dutch, so I hope it’s an decent translation.
My grandma would say “he can put his boots at the foot of my bed.” My grandma had the hots for lots of younger country singers.
My mom used to say Robert Redford could park his shoes under her bed anytime.
From my mom, not my grandparents, but we’ve gotten a lot of mileage out of this one
“If I find it, can I hit you with it?”
Used when we were bugging her about not being able to find something. Don’t believe she ever made good on that threat, but it usually did it’s intended purpose of getting us to quit bugging her and find it ourselves. And if it was something we really needed help finding it would have been an acceptable trade-off.
My sister got a lot of use out of it with her college roommates and my wife and I use it with each other pretty regularly.
Removed by mod
My grandpa had a million one liners, most were somewhat inappropriate but here’s a fun one. He’d say, “Did anyone get hurt in that wreck?” To any of my friends that drove over. When they inevitably asked “what wreck?” He’d say, “the one you pulled up in.” This was devastating to the ones who were super proud of their cars. Lol
You make a better door than a window.
AKA move
We used to get that one too, also put wood in t’hole AKA shut the door
My grandmother: “You can get glad in the same pants that you got mad in.”
Also, when you’re hurt: “it’ll feel better when it quits hurting.”
Friend’s grandfather used to say…
The hurrier I go the behinder I get.
I love this, I’m gonna have to start using it when everyone is rushing and making silly mistakes at work
When my 89 yo grandma accidentally farts she says “oops I stepped on a duck.”
Lol! My grandma would say, “it was a frog!”
When he was talking about turning 100: “I can’t see, and I can’t hear, but I can still eat so I’m not going to die.”
He did indeed make it to 100.
Anything bad happens:
My grandad: “FLAMING JACKSAWS AND BUCKETS OF BLOOD!”
He was never in a metal band that I’m aware of.
All my grandparents passed when I was young and I didn’t know them well. However, my uncle quotes his father quite a bit. General advice “Never do anything you wouldn’t want to read about in the paper.” Whenever he offers you something, or is jokingly telling you why you shouldn’t do something “It will make your babies come out naked and screaming” Also my mom’s side of the family has a common last name and my grandfather stated that if we met another person that shared our last name that we could accept them as family if they were “reasonably dressed, moderately sober, and not asking for money”
My grandmother said, “The time for tarts are when they’re passing.” She meant “take what’s offered when its offered,” but I want it printed on the programs at my funeral
But, will there be tarts?
I don’t mean to besmirch the original commenter’s honour, but I read it as the tart will be in the coffin, having passed.
Exactly!
I was just trying to get an invite. 🤪
From my grandma (who got it from her father):
“Of course the story is true, it just didn’t happen”
Essentially, the story is more important than the actual event.
Sound like a motto for Reddit lol
A blind man would be happy to see that. (About a task completed poorly on a jobsite)
In response to someone saying “oh my god” every single time, without fail:
“Well he’s my god too!”
