(i’m asking a discussion question for more advice +update ig)
my girlfriend ivy is a gamer. she plays video games “with the boys” (her guy friends) for hours non-stop and doesn’t do much else. her whole life is dedicated to video games. she is passionate about them and they are her main interest.
lately we’ve been having a problem of her not wanting to go out with me or spend time one-on-one because she wants to play games with the lads.
by the time i was able to ask her if she wanted to go somewhere, she was already in a game and didn’t want to pause it. then, i asked her when she finally stopped hours later to take a break.
her response was “nah, i don’t really like that place. but you can go if you want and you can watch me play games when you’re done”.
i enjoy her company and she still talks to me when we play video games but i wanna do other things other than just playing/watching video games.
she, however, doesn’t really get it and doesn’t wanna go out or do anything else. i guess i will just suck it up because she still talks to me?? please don’t criticize me for this and be civil. i just wanna hear what you did in a gamer relationship.
My husband and I are both gamers. However, I hate online games and he loves them. Our problem was more with him being ridiculously loud (literally screaming) while playing.
And the solution was to talk to him about it and be patient with him as he transitioned into enjoying his games at a more reasonable volume. Relationships of all sorts often involve compromise.
Don’t just tell her you want to go out. Explain to her that you want to do something together, just the two of you. Explain how you feel and why you want to spend time with her. She might have a solution you never even thought of.
I’ve never dated before, but I don’t think “going somewhere” is essential in a relationship. Sure it’s one of the standard milestones but it being standard doesn’t mean it’s mandatory.
However, your concern that she seems to be putting her gaming ahead of your relationship is legitimate. You should talk to her about those concerns, being sure to communicate your feelings clearly without bringing any bottled up emotions to the conversation. Maybe you can find a compromise that works, maybe she has a gaming addiction and needs support, maybe the relationship won’t work out, as an internet person I can’t really know the outcome.
Hey! I’m a psychologist who also happens to be a gamer and be in a relationship. I have something to add.
Your real problem isn’t really about gaming. You could change gaming to any activity, and your complaint would remain valid. Your real problem is me-time vs. we-time. The exact balance of the two and what programs are included will be different in every relationship. You need to communicate and find a balance that works for both of you.
Gaming is a fun hobby, but when it starts hurting other areas of one’s life, you need to address them. For me time spent with my girl is important, so I usually don’t game in the evening, we watch a show together.
