I’ll go first…after 10 years of speculating in the market (read: gambling in high risk assets) I realized I shouldn’t ever touch a brokerage account in my lifetime. A monkey would have made better choices than I did. Greed has altered the course of life many times over. I am at an age where I may recover from my actions over the decades, but it has taken its toll. I am frugal and have a good head on me, but having such impulsivity in financial instruments was not how I envisioned my adulthood. Its a bitter pill to swallow, since money is livelihood of my family, but I need to “invest” all I have into relationships, meaningful moments, and fulfilling hobbies.

  • loaf
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    6924 days ago

    For me, it was “saying no doesn’t make me a bad person.” I was raised around extremely Christian people who emphasized that you should be there for everyone, even at the expense of self.

    The problem is, people eventually take advantage of you. Also, when you finally say “no” to them, they act as though you’re a terrible person.

    • @qwestjest78@lemmy.ca
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      22 days ago

      I had this recently. My parents wanted me to make a full hour round trip drive across town to pick them up in the middle of the night so they could save $50 on a taxi. I said, “No,” as I have kids to look after now, and my mom launched into how I’m not family first anymore and after all the things she did for me as a kid, she can’t depend on me to pick her up.

      I stuck to my guns though. They conned my brother with the same story, but I set a boundary.

      • loaf
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        2024 days ago

        Wow, the “family first” remark, while you’re taking care of your kids, gets me. That’s so familiar.

        It’s as if people hearing “no” from you, when you would normally just cave in and do whatever was requested, is an act of aggression from people. It’s strange… they become so hateful.

        Good on you for sticking with your boundaries!

    • @200ok@lemmy.world
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      724 days ago

      I try to remind myself that when I do say yes, they’re never quite as happy/appreciative/etc. as I expected or hoped for.

      I try to please the people but the people aren’t even pleased, ugh.

      • ArgumentativeMonotheist
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        423 days ago

        “Yo, you could be at least a little happier and grateful about it, you know I could be {doing something else that I actually enjoy}, I’m just doing this for you!”

    • @SocialMediaRefugee@lemmy.ml
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      623 days ago

      This is similar to “be a soldier and suck it up”. I used to keep my objections to myself and go along with things. This doesn’t make your feelings go away, instead it makes resentment build up along with passive aggression. I now speak up but do so reasonably nicely.

  • @bulwark@lemmy.world
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    6024 days ago

    I once had an Excedrin get stuck in my throat sideways. That was a pretty uncomfortable several hours of my life.

  • @Ciderpunk@lemmy.world
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    3324 days ago

    Since no one on here will ever know me…

    It’s accepting that I have autism and that having autism is ok. My mom used “autistic” as an insult against me, the first time I remember was from age 5 as an attempt to control behavior she saw as undesirable. Running circles outside until I wore the grass out and flapping my hands about was something I needed to feel ashamed about according to her. And so I hid that and everything else she criticized so hard that I couldn’t accept that the reason I struggled so hard with a lot of things in my life wasn’t because I was just some innate failure but because I had an unaddressed condition that was she not only refused to help with but actively made worse.

    To this day I still cannot do things like make eye contact, or tolerate being touched. But I’ve learned to not only accept myself for who I am, but accept that little boy who never understood why his own mother never seemed to be able to love him.

  • @hoshikarakitaridia@lemmy.world
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    24 days ago

    You can do everything right that people taught you. But you only start living when you make mistakes, fuck up, and find the places where you belong, and a picture perfect life doesn’t bring you happiness; it’s rather shallow and lonely.

    That paired with the realization that my mental disabilities will make me lonely for the rest of my life and there’s only so much I can do about it without having breakdowns.

  • @goodwipe@lemmy.world
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    3124 days ago

    That I didn’t know who I was. My lack of self awareness hampered my growth trajectory, my maturity, and relationships. My first failed marriage was a pinnacle of this issue. Though, fast forward 5 years, I’m a vastly different person, know who I am and what I want and where I want to end up. I feel guilty for my ex wife and the impact I had on them. I hope they’re happier where ever they may be.

  • @N0t_5ure@lemmy.world
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    2524 days ago

    For me it was the discovery that my parents were shitty people on the narcissism spectrum. I had no clue, because when you grow up in a toxic environment, it’s your “normal” and all you know.

  • @pastermil@sh.itjust.works
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    23 days ago

    That life is truly a neverending struggle. Sure, you get to enjoy some of that struggle, and you can take a break every now and then. Nevertheless, the only time you’re truly free from it is when you’re dead.

    No, I don’t plan to end it immaturely. Please don’t put me on suicide watch. I still have my people to take care of. 😅

    • @logos@sh.itjust.works
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      -223 days ago

      Life would be boring and meaningless without some struggle. Would you like to play a game where you just constantly win without even trying? Boring.

      • @UltraGiGaGigantic@lemmy.ml
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        23 days ago

        I truly wish you the least boring and most meaningful life possible. May you gag on your own medicine for the rest of your years.

        • @logos@sh.itjust.works
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          23 days ago

          I guess it sounded harsher than I intended. Some people get way more struggle than their share and I wish it wasn’t that way. What I posted above is what I tell myself sometimes when I’m feeling exhausted. Life truly is a never ending struggle, but I try to not fall into despair over it.

  • ArgumentativeMonotheist
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    2323 days ago

    That I actually do have a bad temper and do get angry very easily, that my anger does not justify my verbal/physical reactions (nor was I ‘right’ just because I was angry) and that these reactions will hurt those I care about/those I don’t care about but still didn’t deserve my violence, which is a surefire way to end up in jail (perhaps) and in Hell (more likely).

    For everyone who has similar issues, try to remember two things:

    1. Ambiguous behaviour does not mean aggressive behaviour.
    2. The flesh is weak. If you, in your anger, start a fight and perhaps just push someone and they crack their head and die/lose function, you’ll never live it down, you will always be the guy who killed someone in anger (and not even righteous anger, you’re just temperamental). And it can happen very quickly too! A good man cannot live with that, only a hell-bound one can, so either you’ll be oppressed by your guilt or you’ll realize you’ve lost your humanity and you’re a full on psycho.
  • @pikanut@lemmy.ml
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    1723 days ago

    The realization of how truely alone I am when everything started collapsing after our house was sold and how my parents who supposedly were suppose to love me, don’t love me and how I do have daddy issues because of this and I am not exactly as strong mentally as I thought of myself to be.

    • @cornshark@lemmy.world
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      323 days ago

      What symptoms have you noticed? I’m trying to figure out my own behaviour and would be really interested in your experience

      • Lovable Sidekick
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        23 days ago

        Any doctor, nurse practitioner, etc. should be able to give you a screening test - in my case it was a 20-question form that said at the bottom if you answered Yes to more than 2 questions you might have some form of ADHD. I answered Yes to all but two lol.

        • @UltraGiGaGigantic@lemmy.ml
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          -223 days ago

          Any doctor, nurse practitioner, etc. should be able to give you a screening test

          I’ll be sure to have my butler schedule some luxurious healthcare for me.

      • @folaht@lemmy.ml
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        22 days ago

        I took LTO-3 food supplements against ADHD. ADD is thought to be the same mental disorder but with different symptoms, so it worked on me as well, except temporarily, only for teo weeks. Perhaps due to my type of autism of which the types of autism really haven’t been distinguished yet.

        So if you take LTO-3 and you notice vast differences in your own behavior, then you have ADD/ADHD.

        Here’s what I noticed:

        • Vastly less trouble following group conversations.
        • No looking down automatically when walking.
        • No more lazy body swaying due to low energy.
        • Much easier switching to a new task
        • Much easier starting a new task
        • Less ‘mind weight’ making it…
          • Easier to talk
          • Easier to pay attention at board games
        • Having energy left after 8 hours of work instead of crashing down.
    • Truffle
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      23 days ago

      7Hey fellow road rager! I too suffer from this aillment while knowing at the same time that it could be life threatening if I cross paths with an armed short fused a$$hole. I live in a very high traffic city with stuff to do on both sides of it, taking my kid to some classes results in a two hour commute and then two hours back home. Not easy and it makes me want to light my hair on fire sooooo me and my kid play the “maybe” game:

      Maybe that guy cut me off because he is pooping in his pants (Kid laughs and it Takes the edge of me bursting into flames)

      Maybe that lady trying to pass me in a not so nice way is late for her flight to (insert whatever place you/your kid think of and talk about what things you’d like to do there. While in Italy, for example, we thought about asking for a pizza with pineapple on it and putting a clown wig on the David)

      I could go on and on (I won’t) but the main thing is to redirect my anger as energy to somewhere else.

      I find it amusing when I do it with my kid because it helps us connect while spending time together. When I am by myself I play it too, but the NSFW version: This guy is tailgating me because he cannot wait to get pegg3d when he gets home. Etc etc. I chuckle for a bit and let it pass. Not kink shaming anyone at all.

      Maybe I am a bit insane but this has helped me tremendously.

    • @grumpusbumpus@lemmy.world
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      323 days ago

      I read somewhere that if you’re angry when you’re driving, you’re actually angry about something not driving-related. It’s just manifesting while you’re behind the wheel.

      • I don’t know about that, I’ll be fine until someone with no comprehension of “right of way” nearly kills me. Those moments usually create a string of angry swears that would make a sailor proud.

  • @grrgyle@slrpnk.net
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    1422 days ago

    That just meaning well or having good intentions, are not enough. You need to actually show up and make time for the things, and people, you value.

    Thinking of a great friend who had the courage to break up with me, and tell me straight up it’s because I was a bad friend to them.

  • @JadenSmith@sh.itjust.works
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    1322 days ago

    Pardon my language, though I heard this in an interview with Jimmy Carr, and it rather highlights this for me quite well:
    I’m paraphrasing, though it was something like “if you’ve seen five cunts before noon, you’re the cunt”.