Having a constant noise in your head/ears. It was so normal to me I didnt question it for many years. I randomly asked my friends about it one day and found out most people actually dont have an old crt tv like noise in their ears (and that its the disorder tinnitus).
In my case its not very severe thankfully, I dont notice it unless Im in a silent room or Im actively thinking about it.
Excessive alcohol consumption
Oh plenty of things:
having respect for others
being honest
helping the needy
fair pay for fair work
honestly considering others’ perspectives
loyalty
Basically every virtue I was ever told was worthy to embody has been used against me as a weapon or a tool
And of the hundreds of people I know IRL less than 10% give any of these internal value or even attempted to put into practice
And here I’ve been a sucker all my life doing the proper social contract thing because I don’t like the way the world is shaping up and getting CONSTANTLY bent over for it
How are you supposed to deal with this without just losing all your values and becoming like them?
Are there any books or anything that someone can read on this?
Terry Pratchett’s Discworld series is what kind of did it for me, he was an amazing human.
Or a cruel dreamer for making me think that this was how the world was supposed to be.
Thanks! Definitely reading this one now though its kinda long. I had heard about it but didn’t see anyone put it this way before.
Also: aphantasia
You have no idea how pissed I was to find out all of you had a fucking superpower, would have been nice to learn this before I wasted 3 years at graphic design
Physical abuse as a child.
Reading.
Or rather, how so many people seem fear and avoid it, or can’t do it. Something like 21% of adults in the US are illiterate, and the majority – 54% – read at or below a 6th grade level.
I’ve been a sight reader probably since I was about six years old. I absolutely cannot look at any words legibly written in my native language and not understand them. You couldn’t force me to look at words written in English and not digest them if you held a gun to my head. I fear no wall of text, no matter how tall it is.
It takes some effort to wrap your head around the notion that not only can most people not do this, but statistically speaking most or at least a plurality of people have to struggle or exert conscious effort to read and many of them are loathe to do so. And roughly one in five people simply can’t. This did not sink in for me when I was younger.
I can’t imagine having to live my life that way. You nerds have seen how much bullshit I write in a day; I’d go absolutely bats.
As a kid I kept asking librarians why libraries were so empty of people if they had so many books and it took me years to understand the sadness in her shrug.
That stat is wild, reading is such a foundational skill in today’s world.
My goodness, I am so much like you.
I’ve been using a book tracker app since the iPhone 4s (2011) just to keep track of what I buy - I don’t track anything else - because even way back then I had trouble remembering if I had a book or if I had just browsed it elsewhere.
In 2018, various functions (search, sort, stats, etc.) took a permanent dirt nap just as I was nearing the 3K number of entries. And these are just the books I own.
The size of the DB backup file has nearly doubled since then.
Now granted, a number of books I get need to go straight into storage before I can even read them, as I have not yet built my library. It’s already gone through several redesigns to stay ahead of the size of my collection, and right now I’m looking at movable library storage stacks - the kind that roll on miniature railway tracks and have wheel-like dogs at their ends that a person turns to easily move them back and forth (opening and closing an access corridor between the stacks for access to the books). I’m hoping to eventually have almost half a linear kilometre of shelving in my library once it’s built.
I cannot imagine the horror of being even semi-illiterate, much less fully illiterate. I absolutely love reading.
That sounds completely awesome and seems like a fulfilling goal to have in life! Please make sure though to set up some type of arrangement for if something happens to you with such a large and incredible collection like that. I’ve been involved with estate sales and have seen personal loved ones just completely overwhelmed with the amount of things to process after a relative’s death. Getting rid of things just isn’t on the table sometimes, things will sit and rot because of love and loss.
That 3k+ of books could completely transform a public library and continue to touch the minds of generations to come if you set it up properly now (and won’t be a future burden on a loved one).
As someone with deep roots in the sciences, and good access to the latest data and evidence surrounding anthropogenic climate change, I seriously doubt that there will be much civilization left by the time I shuffle off this mortal coil. All indications used to point towards widespread economic, societal, and ecological collapse in the latter half of this century, well past my effective lifespan, but recent (and strong!) evidence has moved that up considerably to not much past 2035. So no, I am not worried in the least about “burdening” anyone with my collection. I seriously doubt that there will be anyone left who will care. The few who remain will be too obsessed with surviving another day to give two shits about books. I just want to live long enough to read most of them in relative comfort.
It takes some effort to wrap your head around the notion that not only can most people not do this, but statistically speaking most or at least a plurality of people have to struggle or exert conscious effort to read and many of them are loathe to do so. And roughly one in five people simply can’t. This did not sink in for me when I was younger.
what do you mean people look at words and don’t process them automatically? Is there like, research on this i can read or something? I don’t think i believe you.
I though people were just stupid, and chose not to.
Literacy is a skill that needs to be taught. If it isn’t taught, or is taught poorly, well…
Limited joint range. I just thought that’s as far as they went. It still freaks me out slightly when I see people using a normal range, as if they’d just turned their heads through 360° or bent their knees the wrong way.
Child abuse. I thought it was normal to threaten children with violence for noncompliance. I thought it was normal to be afraid to misbehave or be suboptimal in school at the threat of violence.
When I was much younger: that normal people could see much further than me.
One of my oldest memories is going into a McDonald’s for the first time with glasses; I stopped and read the entire menu, because I couldn’t believe normal people could read it as soon as you walked in. I always had to get up to the counter to make it out.
I got a lot better in school after that!
A woman I used to know said when she got glasses for the first time, she was amazed at being able to discern leaves on trees from further than a couple meters.
Standing to wipe your ass
blocked
For me it was wiping your ass in general.
My family comes from sri Lanka we just fill a bucket with water. (Or use a bidet if available)
I still wipe first with a bidet. I don’t need little bits of poo going anywhere. And then I wipe after, because I don’t need swamp ass, either.
Really?
There’s both types, but most don’t realize the other one exists.
I’m not sure how we got on the topic, but it came up in a drunken conversation with a friend. I’m fully converted to a sit down wiper now.
I mean, how does standing even work? Sitting spreads things and makes it all accessible.
My family was super meat-centric for all holidays except Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Any meal where it’s physically possible to barbecue, we would. And a family barbecue meant hamburgers, hot dogs, chicken, pork steaks, and beef steaks – one of each per person, plus a couple of extras. Sides were German-style slaw and potato salad. Buns were not included, but my grandma would always put a stack of white bread on the table (she was the only person who ever ate it).
When I started dating my husband and took him to a family holiday, he was shocked by the fact that my whole family was eating hamburgers and hot dogs with flatware instead of on buns. And he was actually sad at the lack of side dishes.
When I went to one of his family barbecues, I was sad that there was just one hamburger per person (already on a soggy bun) and a ton of weird casseroles.
That does sound a bit one sided. If you ever (want) to learn how to cook, you’d be amazed what you can do with vegetables, other than boiling them. Those can be truly inspirational and unique. Will be tough to sell to your family though haha.
eating hamburgers and hot dogs with flatware instead of on buns.
That sounds so German. I know the bun-less burgers as “frickadellen”, my own parents (both German immigrants who met each other over here) used to make them fairly frequently.
Interesting, in NL frikadellen are more like ground-up-meat long sausages.
and in Russia the word stands for meatballs
I mean. Coleslaw or other slaw, potato or pasta salad, pickles? Mashed potatoes? Those are all good American BBQ sides.
Nobody “dresscoded” me at home. As soon as I was old enough to pick my own clothing, I could. What skirts or jeans or dresses I wore was my choice completely. My school also didn’t care much.
Blew my mind when I realized how many other girls had to sneak out with their clothes because the parents had a rule against tight jeans or whatever.
I still think my parents were right with this one. The kids with the strictest rules were always those with the craziest outfits. Can’t blame them, I’d have done the same.
The class president of my senior class would bring his “punk” clothing in a backpack and change in the school bathroom every morning. Blew my mind. My parents couldn’t give a shit what I wore.
I, as a boy, ran through my cousin’s to change my clothes on my way to the bus.
My mom used to pick out clothes for me as a little kid before school, and I’d come downstairs in completely different outfits.
Don’t do this to your kids if you think that was wrong, lol. I know people who grew up like this, complained to me and then started to behave the exact same way with their kids later on.
Yeah I don’t. My kids love these stories of me dodging my dad’s insecurities, they wear whatever they want. And they mostly wear t-shirts and jeans.
- “Maladaptive Daydreaming”
- I have an issue with being remembered in person (at least that’s what my therapist said). I will go to different chains of the same store on rotation, or stop going to a store all together if they remember me “too much.” I’ll wait until shift changes or that it’s been long enough that they’ve forgotten about me. I’ve stopped going to certain places all together if there’s no alternatives. Outside of lemmy, I have no social media. I don’t want anyone to ever be able to look me up. Apparently people don’t do that.
- Using different cutlery based off of meal size/how long you want to savor something (ex: You like ice cream, so you may eat it with a smaller spoon so it lasts longer.).
- Wondering what people were thinking/picturing when they bought their clothes (not in a “wow, that’s ugly, what were they thinking” but what they saw themselves as. Did they see this suit and think of themselves as a ceo? Did she buy thay dress and imagine the places she’ll wear it? That sort of thing).
- Having multiple paths to one place. I could get to my classes or office multiple ways. I would rotate, take these stairs one day, this elevator the next, etc.
- I believed everyone had some kind of food that would give them the boo-boos. I’m actually just lactose intolerant.
Outside of lemmy, I have no social media. I don’t want anyone to ever be able to look me up. Apparently people don’t do that.
i’m similar, for me it’s less about recognition, more so about privacy. I’m fairly schizo, so i’m pre-disposed to a lot of weird behaviors regarding that. Just a weird quirk of my neurology i guess.
Using different cutlery based off of meal size/how long you want to savor something (ex: You like ice cream, so you may eat it with a smaller spoon so it lasts longer.).
i dont think this is that weird? They make cutlery in various sizes, there has to be a reason.
I do something similar to the clothing thing but with buildings. Like if I see an old run down store I think about if that was someone’s dream to run and it just didn’t work, or they retired and it fell apart. I develop weird empathy for buildings doing this 😅
I used to feel bad every time I saw a newly-opened small business that had closed.
It’s still sad sometimes. However, ever since I worked in a few small businesses, I got to see just how batshit some small business owners are.
Now when I look at a “new” small business that just closed, I can’t help but suspect that a power-tripping owner probably fucked it all up through their own arrogance.
Using different cutlery based off of meal size/how long you want to savor something (ex: You like ice cream, so you may eat it with a smaller spoon so it lasts longer.).
I don’t do this all the time, but definitely with desserts and sweets. Both from the perspective of being able to savor it longer, and also for portion control.
There are basic definitions for different sized flatware and yes the dessert spoon is the smaller one
I think point three is pretty “normal”. A lot of People eat cake, pudding and ice cream with smaller cutlery.
I’m screen shotting this and the other reply. My friend asked for a spoon and I was like, “regular or little?” and she acted like I was insane. How the tables have turned.
She’ll go insane in Germany: https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kuchengabel
I have that issue #2 at least when it comes to going to stores and restaurants. As soon as the staff recognizes me I never want to go again for some reason.
I have massive social anxiety that’s probably the main part of it.
Same! I don’t know why, but it’s like, “they were nice… I can never come here again.”
It’s not that bad for me, but fear of being perceived, fear of being know… It’s all a giant mess
For me at least I think has is something like:
If I’m odd and they don’t know me I’m just an odd customer. But if I’m odd and a regular than I’m an odd person they are thinking about a lot and that makes me nervous like I might mess up.
Exactly this with me too. If they know me I have to hold myself to different standards and more small talk and stuff like that.
I have been trying to force myself to go to the same places but I usually fail. The only thing that works for me is going with someone else.
Honestly I prefer to be perceived as a little weird, because then you can be… A little weird without worrying about it.
There isn’t really a what to what I’m afraid of. I’m not sure if it’s better or worse this way
It’s unusual to want change up your routes?
I’m with you on your second point. I’ll only go back if its somewhere I want to be remembered, i.e. my favorite restaurant.
I’m with you on everyone of these, except the last one (but I know a ton who are lactose intolerant). Now you got me thinking, are these things not normal or are we the actual normal ones.
That’s actually kind of comforting. Even if we aren’t normal, we’re not normal as a unit. 🫱🏽🫲🏻
This was a really recent realization for me. I am one of the people who can voluntarily activate the tensor tympani muscles in my ears to create a low level rumbling sound. I recently tried explaining this to someone else and they still think I am making it up.
Fellow rumbler rejoice!
As I kid I thought it activated some kind of telekinetic or telepathic power so i’d keep doing it and gesturing at ping pong balls or candle flames
So sad to learn that it has nothing to do with psychic powers
So THAT’S how you describe it!
Can do that low rushing type of sound as well.
Wait, that’s not normal?
It’s more that most people don’t figure out how to tense those muscles independantly of the rest of the neck
Seems so.
Oh…? That has a name? Thanks!
When I first read this one, I thought it sounded crazy. Then I realized I know what you mean and am able to do it.
Maybe it’s normal and it’s just the description that doesnt click with people? Anyone in the comments who thinks they can’t do it?
You are not alone! I have always been able to do that too. It still doesn’t help with the tinnitus I’ve had since I was 4 or 5 though.
What was a revelation to me was the idea that everyone was only sleeping 3 or 4 hours a night. I thought I was perfectly normal in not sleeping for normal time spans. And despite the drugs and cpap machine I’m prescribed, I still can only sleep 5 or 6 hours now and often less. But I often am able to get to REM sleep now.
Just to clarify, since I don’t know if my experience is what you all are describing: this sounds kind of like what I hear if I start a yawn. Is the rumbling sound just for a second or can you make it indefinitely? And can you also make a short click or series of clicks?
I can get those sounds if I tense up some muscle(s) that you would also use to start a deliberate yawn. The clicks are easy to make, with less tension, and the rumble happens with more tension and it’s only for about a second or so. Also I definitely hear the rumble during a yawn. Does that sound like what you mean or am I describing something completely different?
Rumble and clicks are separate, but the yawn activates all of those muscles so you get them together
It’s easiest to just rumble, but I need to open my jaw a little to click
'Knew about the rumble; 'just did the clicks for the first time (thanks to the tip about opening my jaw).
That sounds like what I can do. Both the rumble and the clicks/ear popping.
Yep, the same sound as when you yawn. I can make it happen without yawning. Honestly, I can only make it for 5-10 seconds before I get “tired”.
Regarding clicks …I’ve no idea what that one is.
When you yawn sometimes you hear a little clicking noise in your ear canals, it’s earwax coming into contact briefly and separating, you can do it voluntarily similar to rumbling but I need to open my jaw a little for that effect
Is this not normal?! I can also wiggle my ears, I know that’s weird though.
Yeah, my Dad used to do this to entertain kids, so I worked at it until I could too. It wasn’t easy to learn but real easy to do
You aren’t alone. I can do it too.
I use to control it before, but since I’m on some other medecine, it start to have its own will. It happen to me unvoluntary like every 5 or 10s. That’s SO FUCKING ANNOYING !!!
I can do this as well, as can one of my siblings and my father so I assume there is a generic component. Used to call it “ear clicking” since it is audible to others if they put their ear to yours in a quiet environment.
I figured out that was the name when googling about it some years ago.
Is it just a click or also the described rumbling. Because I don’t hear a rumbling but I do make the clicks when I notice that my ears need to adjust to the air pressure.
Did you listen to a podcast when you found out? 😏
Of two German dudes? 😅
it was also on No Such Thing As A Fish recently
I don’t remember where I was made aware of it, but it was probably this. I used to listen to NSTAAF regularly. This fact probably just got buried in the back of my head until it had the opportunity to come out now.
name drop but I know Andy IRL, nice guy.
That’s not surprising to me at all. He seems like he would be.
I sniff things. I have a habit where if I am given something I sniff it first looking for a scent first. I do it more often with food than anything else, because I have childhood roach trauma and if anybody has had to deal with the german ones they have a specific smell. Clothing, body care products, boxes, tools, leaves, etc. I sniff it first before I do anything with it. I didn’t realize it was weird until my roommate asked me why I kept sniffing things he gave me to hold.
I also shake my towel before using it (IYKYK). I’m trying to break myself on this one.
In highschool nobody told me it’s not normal to put on Off like body spray before bed.
Anything I am given from my mom or someone I’m not familiar with I leave it out in the sun 100’s ft away from the house for multiple days before I bring it it. I have to inspect every bit of it, shake it, turn it over, etc. Apparently that is not normal, according to some of my coworkers.
I have holes in my fingertips that turn into ulcers and then get better, but it cycles. I’ve been to the doctor multiple times, they are stumped.
I tend to pick at food when I am at someone’s house, especially if I’m new or they recently had a pest problem they’ve let me know about. I’m shut down, I can only drink water or I have to wait it out and then get food outside the home. I feel like a bad house guest but I’m so scared of eating bugs or mouse droppings.
A lot of my abnormalities seem to stem from some sort of trauma response - I know these aren’t normal* now *but trying to break away from some of them is incredibly hard. I have just gotten to the point where I don’t ask anyone if I can shower before I actually shower in my home(it slips sometimes, I can’t help it). As an adult I realize I look like a paranoid ninny and I think my long time best friend just didn’t want to cause a breakdown or something when we were still in high school. I know she probably saw and knew, but I’m lucky I have her and her family worked with kids similar to my situation for a long time so they were the least judgmental people I knew during the dark ages. Also life is tons better, I just need to work on my weird habits like sniffing things. That’s gonna get me one of these days.
I know the shape of this pain, my heart goes out to you.
For me it’s visual, I have to do a lot of inspecting before I am comfortable eating
I also shake my towel before using it (IYKYK). I’m trying to break myself on this one.
i started doing this one after an insect crawled into my towel during a shower and spooked me, unlikely, probably wont happen many times going forward, but it’s ingrained now.
I have holes in my fingertips that turn into ulcers and then get better, but it cycles. I’ve been to the doctor multiple times, they are stumped.
this ones weird, but you don’t have any sort of weird behaviors that would maybe cause this? Skin usually doesn’t just break down like that, and when it does, it’s usually not just related to a specific point on the body, you would experience in a few places. But weirder shit HAS happened before, so who knows.
The “holes in fingertips” you snuck into the middle of all of the other quirks easily explained by insect-related trauma really baffles me. Is this like a persistent, intermittent, idiopathic wound? Or a physical abnormality?
It is kind of random, I only remembered because I have a current ulcer right now that’s healing and it hurts to type sometimes! So it was like a “And by the way…” type of moment. I don’t know what causes it, it’s not insect related or me picking at them. It’s a recent development and when I try to ask my doctor I get a shrug and “your blood labs are amazing!”. I have a few other unexplained conditions I honestly think are related(raynaud’s, dysphagia, autonomic disorders), and when I try looking up other experiences people might have with holes in their fingers I basically get regular finger infections and scleroderma support groups. I have yet to see someone else with literal random holes in their fingertips that cyclically turn into ulcers/heal again lol.
Have you spoken specifically to a dermatologist?
Also, my condolences for all the crap you have had to deal with. That is: the original infestations, the continuing trauma, and the potentially-mean responses of people who don’t understand. I am but an internet stranger, but I feel you, and wish you luck on overcoming your struggles.
You know, I have and they did dX me with eczema. I already knew I had that though; I started getting stress related pomphlox in graduate school. It’s weird what stress can do to you. I will probably go again for another check up to see if they have any further input; I’ve had a busy schedule and have been putting it off for some time. Everyone has been so sweet here though, it genuinely has made me feel better!
fun fact about dermatology, vitiligo (the one skin disorder where patches lose pigmentation completely) is also stress response induced, because it’s an auto immune related disorder.
