This was a teacher that told me in the 90s. “Phone calls are an invasion. When you call someone you’re saying ‘stop everything you’re doing and talk to me’. This was specially true when Caller ID was not a thing.”
Leaving a message equals to a DM or text. The recipient can respond later, but a call, it must be at that moment. It’s synchronous.
And people who use text apps for synchronous communication are holding it wrong. I shouldn’t be expected to respond immediately to a slack message.
Your not. They have false expectations and that’s their problem.
I don’t have a problem with phone calls and prefer them for urgent matters, but people need to stop with the preamble and reiterations. Asking me if I have time takes as much time as just telling me what you have to say. I already know you don’t really care if I have a moment because you’ll just say what you want regardless of my answer.
One thing that severely degrades the usefulness of the phone network is all the spam calls. It’s all I get these days. I can’t just call someone and have them pick up because nobody answers calls from unknown numbers.
It’s especially frustrating when I’m waiting for a call, like for a delivery, and have to pick up every unknown number.
ETA: Also, the immediacy of phone calls make them mainly used for emergencies. If I get a call from someone I know the first thought is “oh god what’s wrong?”
So I don’t call people because I don’t want to freak them out.
excellent point.
How is spam calls such a problem? Have probably had 2 cold calls the last 10 years. In norway you register on a goverment do-not-cold-call list and basically I have not gotten sales calls since.
Sadly, I live in the USA and do not have a functioning government. We can’t get health care, let alone reliable span call blocking.
“Do not call list” more like “Look at that list of numbers to call”
I wouldn’t be surprised if the scammers used my country’s do-not-call list as a list of known live numbers to call. Because no one’s enforcing it and you don’t really know who’s calling with the number is spoofed.
It’s more of a problem in different countries. Also I find there’s a blitz every now and then and I’ll get 3+ spam calls a day, and then months without any.
How is having a functioning government? I hear it’s wonderful
Unfortunately I’ve heard the list is not well-enforced, so the do-not-call list functions more as a list of confirmed working numbers with humans on the other end. That’s why I’ve never tried using it…
I get probably 5 spam calls a week so if that keeps growing, I might have to give it a try…
How? Asynchronous communication is better for a lot of people. And now that we have really good choices for that, it’s hard to ignore.
A phone call demands that you drop everything in that moment and pay close attention to the person on the other end. If they ramble, deviate, breathe heavily, have a lot of background noise, etc, you’re stuck with that experience for the duration. Also, recording without consent is illegal in a lot of places, so you have to be able to write things down in order to refer back to the conversation if it contains any important information.
In contrast, everything else is self-documenting, can be read through multiple times, and can be handled when there is time to focus on that task. As a bonus: most people can read and understand text faster than they can listen. So it’s just more efficient.
Which is why I’ll never understand people who send recordings. It’s the worst of both worlds.
People who send voice notes piss me off so much.
Oh god, a 5 minute voice note with no accompanying text, just shoot me. Like you’re really going to make me listen to you ramble on a 1x speed while you get to some point that I guarantee could fit in one or two sentences, if you took the modicum of brain power required to compose your thoughts into coherent words.
PS. I understand a lot of people love sending voice notes back and forth, and that’s totally fine if it’s the thing.
How to really be Satan: send an important video note. Make it recorded outside with a lot of wind and background noise. Then, just to be fun, slow the video down to 80% playback speed, reencode it, and send that!
What if I send you a link to a video message I recorded and posted on YouTube? Also it has ads on it.
This is precisely why you should never quit via a conversation with HR. You should send HR and your personal email an email detailing your resignation. Same for anything else that is sensitive. I’m fact you should keep record of everything you do for the company via email. It helps you personally because you can show how many good things you did that year. They can’t comeback and say you were Lazy if you can show an email trail showing the exact opposite. Similar in cases of sexual or racial abuse…don’t say anything to the perps…email them describing exactly what they did and cc or bcc your self and HR.
I absolutely detest text messaging or emails. You have a problem? Call me because I can probably solve your issue in one minute of phone call. I have been almost always been subjected to texting sessions that lasted for several hours because the dumbass on the other end lacked the spelling and vocab skills to provide an accurate written description of the problem.
Time is money and even sometimes life threatening unless the fastest method of communication is use. And fastest ain’t an email or text.
Long way to say you’re a slow reader
Think of it as a way to say you have no clue how to communicate correctly through the written word. By the time I’m forced to wade through your lack of punctuation, misspellings and the autocorrect blunders and the stupid emojis to decipher what you REALLY meant, I already have equated your IQ to be around the range of my old orange tabby cat.
If you send me a text, I will consider it of such low priority that I might get back to you in a week or so.
Perhaps you could consider that for diverse reasons people have different prefered ways of communication. You have your own prefered way for your own reasons and that’s ok. That doesn’t mean you should disrespect other people’s communication choices or them personally.
This whole statement vibrates in Boomer
Fundamentally everyone here is putting a lot of effort into defending not participating in phone calls where as if they just picked up the phone the whole thing would be over now, but instead we’re all texting eachother trying to prove our points ultimately getting nowhere.
I firmly disagree, but that’s because for me writing and reading are much easier than verbal communication.
This issue really only comes up when people like you and people like me have to communicate.
This is also why I keep a notebook at work. Without it, spoken exchanges would essentially be a lacuna in a conversation for me.
That thing about there not being a recording is precisely why emails give me mad anxiety and calls do not. Granted, you have to tell/text me to find a time that works for both. Otherwise, I’ll return the call at my convenience. Also, I hate when a task has to be on my mind for several days because there’s back and forth over email because of questions. Makes me anxious as well. Guess what I’m saying is, people have different preferences for different reasons and that’s fine. No reason to argue why you think your preference is objectively superior.
Granted, you have to tell/text me to find a time that works for both.
My nightmare: when I ask someone what times they are good for, and they give one specific time on one specific day.
Oh wow that’s so strange. I love emails, because I can reread everything I just said before hitting send. Whereas when I’m having a verbal conversation, I’m never going to say things as clearly/accurately because I feel like I’m just riffing off of the top of my brain pan.
I 'member when they used to be called PMs.
I guess they aren’t private anymore.
Easy, back in the day all we had was phone call for instant communication, so not much to compare to.
Also, you didn’t call a person, you called a house or place of work. This meant it was used more sparingly (need to keep the line open/share with the rest of the house) and if you were away, then that phone call couldn’t bother you. This also meant people were used to not being able to reach who they wanted to talk to, so if you felt like letting the answering machine get it, no one would think anything of it. You were either on the phone or present in the moment, not trying to talk with a number of people who don’t know each other.
Now everyone has a phone at their hip. You can call someone and if that someone sends it to voicemail, you know they did and it can become a point of drama depending on the circumstance. Now I can be in the middle of text conversations with a half dozen people across half the world and so when my phone unexpectedly rings then I wonder who is this asshole who thinks they deserve my full attention over these other folks, even though the other person has no way of knowing about those conversations. We are expected to juggle concurrent conversations and a phone call derails that.
Y’know, I’ve been thinking it’s more than that lately. Yes, all that is true, but I think the younger generations who grew up being terminally connected to everything, always having to have a phone on them, always needing to be able to be reached by people, all their business on social media etc… I think we’ve developed an unspoken respect that when we contact people we let them respond on their own terms. If you text someone you are telling them, hey, I need something but, you can read this when it’s convenient, and you can respond when and in the method that’s convenient to you. When you call someone you are saying, I need something and I need you to deal with it right now over immediate voice chat. Yes, we can say I’m busy therefore I’ll let it go to voicemail, but in this day and age of respectful texting being the norm, we often assume a call out of the blue from a known number IS something important that requires immediate attention.
This creates a generational disconnect. Like when my phone rings unexpectedly at work, it’s 95% this one colleague in his 70s who is nice enough, but it instinctively feels rude because I feel like I need to answer. From his perspective, if I just don’t answer that’s fine and that’s the etiquette he was used to, try to call and no biggie if it doesn’t connect.
Going the other way, I know someone dealing with a person in their 80s over urgent important stuff and that person just will be utterly unreachable so much of the time. For them, there’s no such thing as “urgent enough to need immediate attention” because that was just not possible for them and society developed around the norm of folks just not being available as much.
Why are people so offended over the fact there are some ppl who don’t like phone calls? 🤷♀️ who cares
People who are so used to getting everyone to stop what they’re doing get upset when they aren’t the center of attention.
It’s kinda childish, especially when you need something done now that requires details and understanding with no failure.
Edit: not to say you can’t achieve this with other forms but the idea that there aren’t millions of situations where you picking up the phone is more advantageous than a text.
Where’s the humanity in us all
Example and my ass just got outta bed and the coffee is still drippin’…if I have any questions, I can refer to the text instead of calling your ass…I do shit late, want a call at 2am?
Clearly not. Business calls should happen during business hours only. BUT, it is also pretty clear that direct speech is the most efficient way of communication when you don’t need a written record, so calls definitely have a purpose.
BUT, it is also pretty clear that direct speech is the most efficient way of communication when you don’t need a written record
That is simply not true. I’ve had many phones calls that would be far more efficiently done with a text or email.
Yes
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Why though?
What is so hard about getting a call and talking to someone?
I check my texts. I check my email. I check my DM. When I want to.
YOU choose when the call happens.
Well yeah, because I need to talk to you
People have been doing this without problems for decades, why is it a problem now if it wasn’t 10-20 years ago?
When better options arise, people can start to dislike the old options.
Why do I not like washing dishes by hand? It wasn’t a problem 30 years ago. For example.
Now you’ll say it WAS a problem and they invented dishwashers to fix it. And I’ll say they invented texting to fix phone calls.
If I’m trying to work on something complicated, it takes 20-30 minutes to remind myself of all the disparate pieces and get into the “zone” of productivity. Your phone call ruins that, makes me have to start the process over again and drastically increases the likelihood of me screwing something up. If people keep calling or shoulder tapping me, I get nothing done.
If you text first, it gives me the option to ignore you for a bit if I’m in the middle of something.
That is stuff that people have been doing for decades already.
I’m a developer (amongst other things) and when I’m busy I need 20-30 mins too to get in the stream of thoughts. I simply close the door, puty phone on DND, and I’m off.
Messages are just as distracting as phone calls
It gets easier the more you do it like most things.
Disagree. Part of my job entails calling people (and I even started at a phone helpdesk 20 years ago) and I still despise and loathe calling on the phone with people I don’t know for making appointments or getting quotes. To the point it will probably impact my health since my dentist only takes appointments by phone. (Before my sister in law worked there so I could DM her to ask her directly)
Exposure doesn’t always make it easier.
That sounds like you have a mental health problem.
So, you agree that the statement that it gets easier with exposure is nonsense? Or do you mean to say that every one who disagree has mental health issues? Because you’re talking about a decently large chunk of people here.
But why?
Why is it so hard for you to talk to someone, to the point that it will negatively affect your health?
I can talk to people fine, though I don’t enjoy doing it with strangers at random places. I just hate phone calls. It’s not entirely rational, no doubt, though I still object to the silly stupid remark it’s “mental illness”.
I agree with that, and maybe that is the problem; I would pickup the home phone at home all the time, that no longer exists. Maybe it’s a “lost art”?
The “talking to someone” part.
What is the problem with that?
If talking to people is a problem for you then I’d argue that you’re the problem, not obine calls. Not meant in a mean way, just saying that if you’re not able to have a normal conversation with another human being, you maybe want to look into professional mental health support
Oh, no. It’s phone calls. I have no problem talking to people in person. Or via messaging apps. I detest phone calls, though. I don’t even like talking to my wife on the phone. Just text me.
Easy:
Between ages 13 and 18 if I received a phone call it was because I was in trouble, so now when I get one there is a pang of guilt and panic over whatever it is I could have possibly done
The idea of having a phone at 13 seems foreign to me. I wouldn’t have known what to use it for, the again smartphones weren’t around yet when I was 13.
I had a flip phone because I was a latchkey kid who walked to school. My parents wanted to be able to contact me and vice versa.
Voicemail should be lower on that list, I’d rather take a call than check voicemail any day.
Not once have I had a usable voice mail UI. Forced to go through 10 seconds of menu between each message to delete and select the next one, and 90% of them are people just hanging up after realizing they hit voice mail. Then the few times I do get an important message, I have to replay the full message multiple times to transcribe the number I need to call. No seeking, no ending the playback after I’ve passed the bit I needed, often terrible audio. Why do you do this when you have my email?
My iPhone just has a list of them where you can tap one and see a transcription I can quickly read to confirms it’s spam, does your phone not?
Maybe the speech recognition has improved since I last gave automatic transcription a shot, but in my experience it was almost always laughably bad.
Mine is fantastic on Android. I never have to actually listen to the voicemail.
You get a play/pause and even the ability to seek. Lucky you.
I have to use 3CX for work and it’s the least bad voicemail I’ve had any experience with. Literally emails me the .wav so I can listen with VLC.
Sometimes I play techno and pretend I’m getting missions in armored core. Almost doesn’t suck.
I just ring people back and ask what they wanted.
After a while they get the hint and stop leaving voicemails.
I’m glad ring central let’s you delete in mass and transcribes them. Not listening to that shit.
Combination of spam callers being more prevalent and the younger generation has unbelievably high social anxiety as a direct result of them mostly being raised indoors and alone with family.
I’m not saying that the way we older folks grew up was inherently better at all times, but it certainly forced us to converse with strangers and develop those skills.
My little twin brothers and my little sister were actually afraid to call a pizza place and order pizza when they were younger. They still don’t really do phone calls aside from work related things or direct family.
I don’t know why, but I despise phone calls. I’d even rather someone video call me or talk face to face. I just find it worse than every other method of communication.
In a world where async communication is effortless, demanding immediate attention is antisocial.
You’re saying that you don’t care what I’m doing at the moment. You want my full attention immediately. Even leaving a message is more of a time waste than a simple text message
- don’t call unless it’s urgent
- if you’re calling me it’s not urgent
This doesn’t apply to landlines, ofc
Strong disagree. A phone call isn’t a demand, and doesn’t mean that you don’t care what the other person is doing. It’s a request to talk to them, and can always be declined. Some things are more quickly and easily sorted out by phone call than text.
Add, some things are time sensitive; which means yes, I do need your attention immediately
I guess that can be true because my phone is usually on silent, but a message would still be preferable because a missed call in my notifications doesn’t tell me much of anything.
I would also put forward that a request to talk could also take the form of a request to talk, like hey are you free to talk about my part in the xyz project?
PS. I would ask the people who you call if they would prefer a text first. It could be you’re calling people who are like you, but it’s also possible that you’re calling people like me, and they’re too polite to tell you.
Because we don’t have those nice thick hard plastic handles to rest on your shoulder
Or how about those pink cute kool “princess” table top phones
You could fit a whole smartphone inside one of the later ones with the buttons that would leave marks on your face
I want shit that leaves a record so when someone pulls a “I didn’t say red”, I can pull out the text or DM or whatever, and say, “So when you said red here was it that special red that’s actually blue?”
Do the people around you do that a lot?
You’d be surprised how often honest disagreements arise from bad recollection. It doesn’t have to be ill-willed: we’ve all had the experience remembering a shared conversation completely differently from the person we had it with.
Sometimes I forget that some people actually make it in life. That they are left so intensely naive from living in a good place, surrounded by good people.
Good for you.
People in the comments claiming it’s social anxiety but I have no problem talking to people face to face or in an internet-based voice or video call. But phone calls are just ass. The audio quality sucks, I barely understand what the other person says and I don’t get to choose when and where it happens, might be one or both people are in some noisy situation etc and it’s just all around so awkward. I also think it’s kinda rude. A message is “Hey I want to exchange X information, reply whenever you want”, a call is “YOU WILL PAY ATTENTION TO ME RIGHT NOW”. It’s also incredibly annoying when some official place insists on phone calls only. Fucking brilliant, now I have to take half an hour of my day queueing and/or calling repeatedly to get done what I would have typed out in half a minute as an email. It’s even worse if it’s them who call you. “You will get a call from us in the next 3 days”. Now I have to be on fucking high alert to be available at that exact time or the back and forth missed calls start. Instead of just receiving an email and replying whenever.
Edit: not to even mention that text is permanent and can be referenced later while calls are not
Basically, as soon as other reliable methods became widely adopted. No, I don’t have any phone call related anxiety or whatever, I’ll call someone if I really need to, I would just rather not. I’d much rather get a text that says, “Hey, we’re meeting up at 7pm to go out and do, XYZ, do you want to come?” than a phone call that starts with that and turns to “So anyway, did I tell you my mom blah, blah, blah… And I don’t know what to say, because I kind of want to go, but it would be a lot blah, blah, blah.”
Phone calls with friends and family have a way of spiraling off into tangents when I don’t necessarily have the time to entertain them, but don’t want to be a dick all the time telling people I don’t have time at the moment to listen to them. If there’s a self-service section to a company’s website or app, I can usually do whatever I need faster than it would take me to get through the automated menus and hold music to call and have them do it. Like my pharmacy, if I want to refill a prescription online, I log in, check a box and hit submit. Done. If I call them, I need to go through three menus to get patched through to the pharmacy, tell them what I want, hold for a moment while they help someone in the store, give them my info and wait for them to look it up, etc.
When I plan to meet up with people, I make plenty of time to talk to them and listen to whatever. When I get what I think is going to be a short phone call that devolves into tangents, I don’t necessarily have the time to entertain whether the fact that my friend’s cousin had his toe amputated due to gangrene means he should get the spot on his nipple tested for leprosy, or if he should just improve his personal hygiene and see if it washes off in the shower.
If something really is going to be a pain to communicate via text, schedule that conversation and we can have a call to discuss it, but I’m not answering phone calls whenever somebody calls out of the blue unless I’m interviewing for jobs or expecting a call about some sort of emergency.
