I know this is probably a shitposting meme. And my wife and my female friend, when I asked them, both laughed and said, “Yeah all the time.” I can’t tell if it’s sarcasm.
I asked this because Im a guy, and we’ve heard it all before. The guy plowing a warm apple pie. The ookie cookie BS. The jerk off with a sock. Dudes have done some weird things. I absolutely have found myself relieving some stress in interesting ways.
But veggies: Is this a common thing? Am I going to have to worry that my daughter, when she reaches a curious age, starts exploring with vegetables?
During puberty, should I start giving my children Amazon gift cards or no questions ask money to protect my produce?
I am aware this question is ridiculous and I am prepared to be ridiculed.
Hope she washed it off well before putting it back in the fridge. So I doubt the post is real. As for the rest I’ll have to leave it to women to answer. But if you ever find your cucumber in the garbage, just leave it there.
Understood and thank you for your wisdom.
Do most people take food back out from the trash?
Yeah, to give it to the rabbits. Don’t waste food
Ohhhhhh, I didn’t think about that. I considered that the same as “discarded.” But now I feel bad how nonchalantly I was thinking like, “throw the cucumber of joy into the compost or let nature consume it”
I have a dog who doesn’t like most fruits or any vegetables. I’ve forgotten how easy it is to just give produce to pets such as bunnies or the
.
Only if you are George Costanza.
The eclair was more or less floating on top of the garbage. It wasn’t IN the garbage.
Well she said she used it for 3 hours so I can only imagine it was in fact and edging case.
I’ve never used a veg for these purposes and I’m not planning to. I would definitely not recommend it to anyone, and I would recommend be very mindful of the hygiene of any objects you decide to insert for whatever reason- speaking from experience here, UTIs are no fun.
Most people don’t use vegetables for this afaik.
That aside, the only girl who ever confided in me that she used a veg (a banana btw) also said she put it in a condom. She said she would bin it all afterwards and this sounds like what someone reasonable enough would do. I’d be grossed out if I was to eat something used for that and I’d feel awful to have my family eat something used that way. Just no.
Thank you for the honest response! I sincerely appreciate it.
Reflecting on your answer, that would make complete sense. Why wouldn’t a person use a condom? My wife has explained how concerned she is about UTIs, and adding that veggie bacteria would be concerning.
I’m starting to feel like my veggies are safe.
Also most young teens would be a little intimidated by a cucumber. A carrot or banana is more likely, since they’ve probably seen a condom on one before.
As for the 3 hours, it’s long but by no means impossible.
I havent seen anyone mention this, but cucumbers have little sharp spikes/spines on their skin so that’d be a huge no for the vast majority of people, and those little spikes would probably rip any condom stretched over it.
Very few people are gonna be into fucking themselves with something that’s got tiny thorns on it…unless they go out of their way to remove them without peeling it entirely I guess.
Seems like a lot of work though.
Any decent person would trash it afterwards.
That’s just wasteful. I would totally eat it after washing.
I’m a dude and a cucumber definitely doesn’t seem like it would feel great going in and out. It’s bumpy and the skin is pretty coarse. A banana definitely sounds like a more logical choice.
Nah, you haven’t lived until you’ve experienced the girth and texture of a garden cucumber.
I used to grow cucumbers. Garden cucumbers have a rep for flavour and texture, not girth. That’s a nice looking cucumber there, good job.
Stop, I can only get so hard…
Any cucumber you handle for 3 hours for any reason is garbage. You wouldn’t put it in a salad because it would be mush. This is a BS post, obviously.
her post may not be real, but is it a real thing?
Fucking yourself with a cucumber? Sure, if that’s all you got, get it, queen. I’d suggest something slightly more substantial, though.
The fuck you mean substantial?
Eggplant, obviously
🍆🍆🍆
Oh … ouch.
Hairbrush handles are much more common. I’d say most girls probably haven’t used vegetables.
Most hairbrush handle designs are intentionally… yeah. But plastic is porous and nearly impossible to fully disinfect, so girls who reach puberty should be provided with high quality silicone or glass to protect them from getting a bad infection. Prudeness in our society will just hide issues like infection until it gets really awful.
why is it just assumed that they’ll use an object? hands work fine too, you don’t assume people with penises will inevitably get an infection from sticking it inside a vacuum cleaner…
And like, lesbians exist?? they have lots of fun just with rubbing!
Counterpoint: teenagers are stupid
deleted by creator
and yet no one worries about what boys get up to, they don’t consider buying their sons a fleshlight so they won’t fuck the couch (though maybe a specific pair of parents should have).
it just feels strange to me that young women are assumed to be incapable of not harming themselves while having fun, like oh what a coincidence that it’s girls who need protecting, huh?
Because they don’t know how to get a woman off acoustically. You make great points. Majority of the time I’ve masturbated, it’s been without a toy
Acoustically? Like play the guitar so well she gets off no handed? I’m really confused by your word choice.
Because they don’t know how to get a woman off acoustically
I think you mean “digitally”. Digital = with your digits (ie. fingers). Acoustically = with sound (?)
Unless you’re talking about ear-tonguing. Which I agree is hot but I think it’d be pretty hard to make a woman cum that way.
No, I mean acoustically because I’m referencing a meme, ya nerd.
Lol, never seen that one. Agree that I am a nerd.
Kinda wild to me that a woman could have this take since as a dude I’m very used to playing acoustic dick. Can’t imagine just deciding I don’t wanna nut anymore because I’d have to do it by hand. I gotta say I kinda envy women since it’s pretty socially acceptable for them to use toys compared to the fellas. It’d be cool if I could just have a fleshlight or sex doll in a drawer somewhere and nobody would think it’s any weirder than a girl having a vibrator in her drawer. They look like they’d feel good and be a fun time. But there’s so much judgement around them.
During puberty, should I start giving my children Amazon gift cards or no questions ask money to protect my produce?
🤣
😭
This thread has been a gold mine for me OP, thank you 😂❤️
People are missing the more important question:
Why did she put the cucumber back in the fridge?Keeps it fresh for longer for as much fun as possible.
ient dirty joke. Back in the day kids you could find collections of them in printed books, and later, entire websites solely dedicated to hosting thousands of dirty jokes. They were presented in story format, often happening to your cousin’s friend.
Not saying no one had ever had this happen to them in the history of mankind. But this is also an old dirty joke that is probably more commonly repeated than acted out.
*WITHOUT WASHING IT! I mean, was she ok with it being eaten by another family member as long as it wasn’t her? That’s just as gross!
Yeah, that’s my main take away.
Not only did she put it back in the fridge in this completely fabricated story, but they did so without washing it?
Who does that?
You have to put it in lukewarm water for 30min / 1 hour too so putting it in the fridge seems counterproductive.
Well so I have heard, but it was for zucchinis (true story actually, but it was the guy explaining it, I have no idea if it was only used for stroking or penetrating or just to fool around with to lighten up the miod or something. I also recall something about peeling it but that seems wrong).
Chances are, if something can be fucked or used as a dildo… somebody somewhere has done it out of horniness.
I still remember about 20 years ago a female friend told me that she masturbated using a bottle of Bawls energy drink (IDK if they even still make the stuff). It was a glass bottle that was bumpy all over (think of the divots on a golf ball, but inverse) and she apparently used it on her clit/vulva.
When I was a horny pre-teen boy and had no idea how to actually beat off, I discovered that rubbing a silk/nylon pillow with pictures of cats on it felt really good.
JD Vance fucked a couch.
Good deflection buddy. You shared, which is the important part. Progress.
Hahaha unlike my Reddit account which easily links back to me (I made it 11 years ago and didn’t heavily start using it until about 6 years ago), this has zero link to me so I have no shame.
deleted by creator
As a teen I had little to no interest in penetration. Tampons didn’t feel good, so why would I assume something else would? I wasn’t really interested in penetration until I was interested in my partner specifically.
Once I (eventually) figured out pleasurable masturbation, I still stuck with external stuff mostly, and fingers in general. Eventually I got a job and a debit card and could privately online shop, but my little bag of toys continues to go mostly unused. Nothing beats my fingers.
I don’t know about other women, but for me masturbation is and always has been much more about what’s going on in my head, and then adding the pleasurable sensations to that, rather than experimenting with different sensations.
For a beginner I literally cannot imagine a cucumber. How many dicks are as thick as a grocery store cucumber? None I’ve seen in real life. Maybe in porn, but I can’t think of any. It would just hurt. Beginners would need something maybe the size of 2 female fingers. (Maybe a farmers market cucumber that’s skinnier?)
Veggies are certainly not unheard of, but everyone is different. Your wife and friend may be serious, or not, but some people totally fuck vegetables.
When i was in the early weeks of getting freaky with my now wife we were at her place making out and I picked up the TV remote and asked if she’d ever used it as a dildo and she blushed a little and said yes.
One of my exes would use bottles sometimes, I was always a little nervous about them breaking but fortunately it never happened.
thats freaky
It’s a shitposting meme. The poster has this pinned on their twitter:
That said… I have heard horror stories about poor theater staff finding cucumbers after the 50 shades premiere. Some of it was just people memeing and trying to prank but I’m not entirely sure about all of it.
4chan greentext, but signing with your name? Brave.
don’t come texting me about none I said
She sounds like a smart one>
As a woman on Lemmy, I have never done this. I didn’t find penetration very comfy until I learned how to have G spot orgasms with my SO, but by then I was an adult and could buy a G spot dildo for times he wasn’t around. All I can think of with a cucumber is that something would break off inside me and I’d get an infection.
No joke, my mother used one when my dad was was away on work. I know because she forgot about it and my sister had the bright idea to go snooping around in her drawers one day.
I would hope that in our modern age with more access to privately get sex toys (thanks to the internet) that most people would not resort to using vegetables. However, is someone saw buying sex toys as somehow “wrong” then they might.
to be fair the examples youve given for men are niche sorta fetishes too.
not many people are going around fucking cookie dough either.
You have misunderstood “ookie cookie.”
Aka “Soggy Biscuit,” and “Scum Cookie” if you like the band Skinless lmao.
Also tbf I’m like 90% sure it’s a myth or reserved for old frat hazing rituals.
Limp Bizkit you say?
As a man with an egg allergy, Itchy…
Socks seem normal.
I draw line at food. That guy with the melon was on another level.
I always thought the sock thing was very strange. Have folks not heard of toilet paper?
So tp breaks up too easily. I guess maybe if you’re just catching it? Tissue is okay but it’s not really flushable. Pop the socks in the washer and reusable. Dark colors work best. Or maybe don’t wear shorts/short pants.
Not even the sock is normal imo. Why would you want a crusty sock??
Better than jagged carpet at your bedside.
Ya throw it in with your laundry afterward. I wouldn’t do it these days, but when I still lived with a parent and didn’t want to raise suspicions with a bunch of extra towels? Sock works just fine. Though I’ve never heard of someone actually masturbating with a sock, just for cleanup.
I always just used paper towels or napkins. Not even for cleanup just have a couple on hand and then grab em when you finish.
I mean you wash it. Little vinegar in there is a great fabric softener. This isn’t that guy with the Kleenex box
Someone on Reddit I think told the writer David Sedaris how he used to shove frozen hot dogs up his ass.
sounds like my kinda guy
