today was supposed to be my first day of therapy and the therapist didn’t show up. I’m pissed off. I wasted 2 hours for nothing.
I’ve sent her a polite message, asking if she’s sick and hoping she is well, but in reality I wanted to yell at her. However, if I yell at her, chances are she won’t treat me.
Before you suggest to find another therapist, finding a shrink where I live is very difficult and the other ones I contacted have either ignored me or are overbooked. I need therapy and it bothers me to be so dependent on one person.
For those of you who have experienced something similar, how doesn’t it bother you?
Flip it around. If you missed an appointment, would you want them pissed off you wasted their time? Would you want them to yell at you? Most likely you would have had a good reason and would want them to understand. It’s most likely the same for them.
Not only does this phenomenon have a name (Fundamental Attribution Error), OP’s situation is the example case given on the wikipedia page:
Except the therapist works for the OP, not the other way around. If it were just OP’s friend who stood them up, then you’d have a point. But this is someone OP had an agreed-upon appointment with someone they are paying to treat them. And also keep in mind that many doctor’s offices will charge for a missed appointment if the patient didn’t show and made no attempt to communicate ahead of time.
Sure, there are probably understandable circumstances that have caused this, and the therapist will probably make it up to them. But that doesn’t invalidate OP’s feelings and expectations, especially in the moment.
I’d feel safer with a person who raised their voice at me for being late, than with a person who just let it go.
That’s…a really weird way to feel. Essentially, you’d feel safer with someone that lacked empathy? This isn’t your buddy, this is a professional. You’d prefer it if your therapist wasn’t in control of their emotions, and would rather get angry at you than someone simply saying, “It’s okay”?
Someone who raises their voice isn’t a psychopath wtf?
It just means they have a healthy response to being disrespected.
Note I’m saying “raising the voice” here, not shouting. Someone who shouts when I’m late isn’t a safe person.
God why? I wouldn’t want to be around someone so angry.
Raising one’s voice isn’t a loss of control. I don’t feel safe around people who let others abuse them, because I know their lack of a visible response doesn’t mean a total lack of response.
Someone who isn’t visibly addressing disrespect against them, is instead building up resentment.
People with boundaries that are too permissive are less safe, in my book, than people who address disrespect immediately and openly.
Do you mean “speaking up” when you say that? Because “raising one’s voice” implies yelling to most people, I think. If yes, then I agree. Being comfortable addressing issues like this is very valuable. That said, I disagree that not addressing it means they’re just “building up resentment”. They could be, but it’s not a certainty by any stretch.
Why is that? That opinion confuses me
Repressed rage tends to cause spectacular blowouts.