I don’t mean like diarrhea, or any medical issue. Last night I had Chinese food. This morning when I woke up, I took a poop first thing in the morning. Just like normal.

Except it just kept going on and on and on. Instead of 2-3 minute poop, wipe and done, this just went on for like 15-20 minutes. It was never ending. Finally, it stopped, and I rested on the toilet seat, just to make sure there wasn’t a round 2. But eventually I didn’t feel anything more, and figured there can’t be a round 2. There’s nothing left in there. So I wiped, flushed and started my day.

About an hour later, I had to poop again. I had not eaten anything since I woke up. I drank a glass of water if that.

I took a second poop, which was about half the size of the first poop. Which is still like twice as much as a standard poop. I was kind of glad this one got delayed. I realized if all this had come out with the first poop, there would be a genuine concern that I may not be able to flush the toilet. It’s too much.

I started thinking about the fact that Elvis died, and had 27 pounds worth of fecal matter in his system, because he was so backed up. Normally my poops are very small.

So it got me wondering. Am I backed up usually, and Chinese food does something to clean my system out? Or is the Chinese food CREATING this much poop all in one go?

Because if it’s clearing out backed up poop, that’s great! And also, something I should look into with a doctor. If the Chinese food is creating this much poop, then I should just stop eating Chinese food.

  • southsamurai@sh.itjust.works
    9·
    18 hours ago

    Yup, as everyone already said, it’s that the typical chinese american meal (or even a succulent aussie one) is a relatively well rounded one in terms of fiber and fats.

    While you may or may not have been backed up a little, a decently built meal will go through in eight to ten hours, slide out easy, have good bulk, and also shove anything ahead of it out the door.

    To maximize that effect, you want a balance of soluble and insoluble fiber (like rice alongside cabbage or broccoli, as examples). Soluble fiber holds water well, increasing bulk and helping things stay controlled. Insoluble doesn’t hold water, and is thus a nice accelerant. Too much soluble, and things can get backed up a little; too much insoluble and it all comes out like a nightmare salad dressed with crap and sewage.

    Fats wise, you don’t want things greasy, but you do want it to be present in testable levels. Fats lube you up from the top down (unlike Fats, the big bear bartender at the club that lubes your bottom before going up you). It helps the digested matter slide through. Too little, and things can be difficult to get around corners; too much and imagine the pea soup scene from The Exorcist, only it’s your ass and the soup is filled with diced carrots and tomato skins.

    Chinese food, be it actual Chinese cuisine, or Chinese diaspora variants, tends to be relatively well balanced. Not as well as the prototypical Mediterranean diet, but in terms of bowel motility and excretion, it does well