what up?

  • RBWells@lemmy.worldEnglish
    8·
    2 months ago

    Maybe they want to be the competent one, but I can also see the appeal in someone who is comfortable with who they are and happy to try things they aren’t good at.

    Personally I find competence in something hot, I love when guys are good at doing something. But nobody is good at everything and willingness to step out of your comfort zone is also hot.

  • earthworm@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
    5·
    2 months ago

    Is there a pattern to people like this?

    Sure, love is blind and different people have different reasons, but it’d be really interesting to find out there also happens to be a “bang-the-pathetic-one” gene.

    • OBJECTION!@lemmy.mlEnglish
      6·
      2 months ago

      One side of it is the vulnerability and embarrassment. Like, swap the genders and you’ve got the old-school “ditzy secretary” trope, “Oh no, I spilled coffee all over your important papers! You’re not mad at me are you?” There’s probably no specific gene anymore than there’s a “attracted to ditzy secretary” gene.

      There can be other dynamics at play with the way men tend to put on fronts. Guy fails at something, the front drops, they’re suddenly in unfamiliar territory, you’re seeing a side they don’t show to the world. You can see how they handle stress, like do they throw the controller or do they get mopey or what, it can show emotional maturity.

      Unearned confidence or overconfidence can also be hot. Like, guy who isn’t actually that good at anything but believes in himself 100% and bounces back from disappointment always looking to prove himself and show off, there’s something kind of endearing about that, and it might make them more approachable and relatable than someone who’s actually just good at everything.

      Basically there’s a lot of stuff it can tap into and the D/s dynamic is often a big factor but not necessarily the only one.

    • sad_detective_man@sopuli.xyzOPEnglish
      4·
      2 months ago

      my ex said that my attempts at savoir faire were endearing and that she just liked that I was okay with not being the smartest or funniest person in the room. I assume to attract that type you have to embody this kind of energy? she might have been entirety unique in what she wanted or saw in me.

      but she did also say there is a genuine thing where some women just fuck a guy out of pity, so maybe I was one of those. there also was discourse a few years back before covid about whether pathetic dudes are more loyal because they see their partners as gods or if the confidence goes to their ego and they get notions after the first taste of any positive attention. either way, seems like a risky gamble

            • sad_detective_man@sopuli.xyzOPEnglish
              3·
              2 months ago

              I feel you, dude. I’ve got autism and trying to gauge people for what kind of vibe is going to land is insanely difficult. internet dating helped me so much back before it went to shit. I feel pretty lost now

              • wonderingwanderer@sopuli.xyzEnglish
                1·
                2 months ago

                Yeah, I’m at the point where I just assume the vibe will never land, so I don’t even try to interact with people anymore. Hence I get all my social interaction on lemmy.

                Am I pathetic enough yet? Or have I blown so far past the threshold that it’s just sad to watch?

                • sad_detective_man@sopuli.xyzOPEnglish
                  1·
                  2 months ago

                  I think your story isn’t over yet. maybe because I’m hoping mine isn’t either, but also our lives are seldom just a single straight line to ultimate failure.

                  until you reach that point, have a hug 🫂 we contain multitudes of possibility and I hope you get to encounter something new about yourself soon

  • Xerxos@lemmy.mlEnglish
    5·
    2 months ago

    So… Any women in this thread who like losers? I’m single and ready to mingle!