The NYT was roundly mocked for the original headline and has now changed it to
No One at Waffle House Remembers FEMA Official Who Says He Teleported In
“FEMA official blacked out and came to at a Waffle House”
FTFY
If memory serves, he also claimed to have been driving when he teleported into a ditch 50 miles away.
Which just comes across like he was driving when he really shouldn’t have been (Drunk/Tired and Emotional), and fallen asleep whilst on the road.
You actually have to be an expert to be dubious of this?
If yes, what kind of expert?
The kind of expert Waffle House hires or feeds:
among roughly two dozen workers and regulars interviewed this week at Rome’s three Waffle House locations, none said they were aware of anyone traveling to the 24-hour restaurants by paranormal means,
This statement looks like it came from a redacted document from FBC headquarters. What in the Remedyverse is this?
I suspect that this story is linked to the one below somehow…
Strangely after teleporting I always wake up with a headache and memory loss.
And for some reason it’s always right after twenty beers
Surely that’s a coincidence. If it was the beer, how come you don’t teleport a little bit after 1 beer?
My logic is infallible, and by my logic we can 100% exclude that beer has anything to do with it.The power of deduction baby. 😋
Bruh, you weren’t drinking beers, those were glasses of Ayahuasca.
I haven’t teleported since this one time where I immediately got lost and had to ask a dragon for a ride home. I woke up naked on my neighbor’s porch with a tattered ribbon of red silk tied around my penis.
Who are the teleportation experts?
Teleportation experts.
The sad thing here is the real underpinning: Guy had a fugue, which can be super alarming, and rather than contact his doctor or a doctor or, you know, even asking an AI, he decided he teleported and then decided to go public with that info. Now I hope someone talks to him. Transient fugue states can be normal and harmless but this can be a sign of something more serious, like epilepsy or brain changes. But also please someone fire him quickly.
…When mentally ill people are put in charge of the nation’s government…
All according to plan
I’m going to guess this was at 2am in the morning after a night of drinking at the local strip club. He just found himself at a table hungover, with a coffee and a plate of greasy bacon and eggs, wondering how he’d got there. Must have been a UFO portal. Couldn’t possibly have been a drunken blackout. No, siree.
We must assemble an panel of experts to discuss on the evening news. Both sides have legitimacy that must be explored. The segment must end inconclusively leaving it to you, the viewer, to decide on if the head of FEMA was teleported for a Waffle House against his will or if he was blackout drunk.
I teleported 15 blocks a month ago at 2am. I was leaving a bar, things go dark and I’m at a bus stop a mile away. The trippy thing was that no buses were running atm. I ordered the cheapest uber of my life and got back home.
No we’re not doing “experts are dubious.”
We’re at “society is sick of this shit go away asshole,” and have been for some time now.
“Experts are dubious” ok that’s sorta funny, but it’s too bad this is such a serious position being held by a blackout Christian drunk.
So… going with the bit here…
At what point does the SCP Foundation step in?
Because to me, this sounds like either a cousin or variant of SCP - 7819.
… Its Keter class… people are not supposed to know about this.
Experts? Experts of what exactly? Teleportation?
Don’t they have mental health screening for employees at FEMA? Maybe it is time to take care of this person.
Gregg Phillips, who is in charge of responding to fires and floods, says…
Well, I feel safe in knowing that my life and property is in secure and competent hands 🫤
