Hi, please be kind with me. I’m feeling really vulnerable and conflicted about this. I would really appreciate any help or comfort.
I had a bit too much to drink and had unprotected sex with a guy who was sober and came on my back, but it also got on the bed. I was too out of it to remember the exact timing but he said there’s no need to take plan B. I’m not on any birth control.
I’ve taken plan B twice before and read stories of how awful it is. I did feel very depressed and overwhelmed in the weeks after taking it, but that could also be explained by stressors that I was dealing with at the time. I’m worried about the side effects, especially considering this would be my third time taking it.
Should I take plan B? Can anyone who has taken it multiple times please share about the side effects and their experiences with it? Is the pull-out method less risky than I’m thinking it is, or is this not worth the gamble even if I didn’t need Plan B? A pregnancy would be a huge disruption, and I don’t even want to imagine it.
I’m also just feeling so lost, disoriented, and sad. I don’t do well with casual intimacy, yet I find myself getting into these situations. What should I be doing differently? Is it just a matter of drinking less or is there something more underlying that I need to process? I’ve noticed an increase in unprotected sex recently which makes me feel even worse about it all.
To support what others have said: even precum can get you pregnant.
It’s not that “pull out is a tad unreliable” - it is horrible and the failure quota is ridiculously high. And that’s only pregnancy, not even considering the whole disease fun you’re signing up for. With a bit of bad luck that’s a lifetime of annoying medication, no a few weeks.
This means from my point of fire in order of urgency:
A) First of all: stranger, feel loved 🤗 I find it awesome that you have he courage to ask this question!
B) get plan B. It’ll suck if you’re reacting but that’s only a week or two.
C) Review your sexual habits: if you’re into spontaneous drunk sex figure out a reliable protection that you don’t have to think too much about. If it’s with strangers there’s no way around a condom in addition if you don’t want to take something for your hepathitis or HIV for the rest of your life. If it’s people you know and trust then something “just” against pregnancy is enough. If it’s a mix of both I suggest getting a baseline protection that you don’t have to think about in the heat of the moment and condoms as preventative plan B for the cases where you’re not too sure.
It sounds like a cliche but it’s true: The more the dude resists protection the more you’ll need it. After all it will be you who’ll be alone with the consequences. You’re worth more than a few fun moments for some dick!
Thank you so much! I really appreciate your support
The pull out method is not reliable, don’t gamble on it. Don’t trust guys who gamble on it.
https://www.webmd.com/sex/birth-control/pull-out-withdrawal
Please use protection. If you’re not prepared for the possibility of a child, take plan B now, rather than have an abortion later.
Consider contraceptive pill or an IUD, but for all random sex you really should be using a condom to protect against Sexually Transmitted Diseases.
Please practice sex responsibly. If you can’t, you definitely do not have the capacity to deal with the responsibility of a child.
Preferably watch this before the next time you even think about having sex: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rO9pOJbvkEA&list=PL8dPuuaLjXtMweg6Yx9MHP01n_yUyaf9H
Very well said. Thank you so much for sharing
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I would say take it, just to be sure. Two weeks of hormonal disruption is a lot better then 864-960 weeks of hormonal/everything else disruption. There won’t be any damage caused by taking it multiple times; however, there is evidence that consistently taking hormonal birth control does change the structure of the brain. Whether those are detrimental or not, I don’t know. I suggest gutting an IUD so you don’t have to worry as much about these things anymore.
*Also make sure that dummy is using a condom. :<
The Effects of Hormonal Contraceptives on the Brain: A Systematic Review of Neuroimaging Studies
Thank you so much for your empathy and advice
No worries, good luck. <3
Yep, definitely a good time to take plan B. Also, the responsibility to use protection is on both partners. Being as he was sober he was in a better position to manage this and made an active choice not to. You bear the burden of what happens and dealing with it, but he gets to have fun and run away. Very uncool.
I would consider how well you could really consent and if you want people who don’t care about that to be involved in your life. You, along with everyone else, deserve someone who will not take advantage of the situation to get off at your expense. Also, he should really foot at least half the bill for the plan B, without him it would not be needed and if it becomes a larger and more expensive problem it would be something he was responsible for there too. Any self respecting person should pay for their share.
The correct answer to any question of the form, "I’m facing [this risk], so should I take [this safety precaution]? is always “Yes.”
Better safe than sorry. Take plan B. I can’t speak on the side effects, but I at least didn’t observe any when my SO took them.
Also, get tested for STD’s.
As long as you haven’t taken any emergency contraception in the last few weeks i think, you should be fine. A pharmasist should be able to give you advice on this. Yes there’s a lot of hormones, but it shouldn’t have any permanent effects. Seeing as the alternative would be very disrupting for you, I would suggest taking the pill to be sure. Good luck!
Thank you so much!
in the weeks after taking it
Compared to how long 18 years takes…
I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
First off, yes, take the pill immediately. The side effects are no worse than having a period and they are not compounding. It’s not ideal to use it as your first line of defense and therefore very often, but you don’t need to worry about taking it a third time (or fourth or fifth time).
Second, get yourself a hard “no sex with a new person while drunk”policy. If you find you can’t stick to that when already drunk, then yes drinking less is necessary. You can’t really properly consent when you’re not sober.
If you’re having sex that you don’t feel good about having, it might be wise to step away from the social situation that has been leading to that happening. Do you have or can you find a social group that does things that don’t involve drinking with strangers? Maybe a hobby or hiking group?
If you are drinking too much in situations where not everyone is drinking, it might be a touch of social anxiety that you are trying to self medicate away. Cognitive behavioral therapy is the best proven method for managing this. It’s not like regular talk therapy, it’s very goal oriented with practical steps to take every day and not much (if any) talking about everything bad that’s ever happened. If you can’t afford to see a therapist there are excellent self guided resources and workbooks available.
I don’t know you or your situation, only what you stated above. I’m sure there is a lot more going on than you’d care to share with anonymous strangers. But looking into both why you are drinking and what is leading to regrettable sex will be your best bet.
Go get that pill, lady.
Thank you so much for your empathy and thoughtfulness
No conflict. Take plan B. Pull-out is a pregnancy magnet. Like not even remotely viable.
Play safer next time. You are far too valuable for an STD or unwanted pregnancy.
Thank you so much. I needed to hear this
I pop pills all the time
Plan B’s It’s probably safe as long as you don’t make it a habit
Even then, the worst I got was reversible liver damage
I’d say go for it
Also, a less reckless piece of advice:
Is it just a matter of drinking less or is there something more underlying that I need to process?
This is the type of question, that, if you have to ask…
You probably already know the answer.
See if you can get an appointment. Their waiting lists can be months long.
Op if you can swing ~30 pick up a drug test at the drugstore while you’re there. It’s a benzodiazepine, for future reference.
I agree with all the other comments: pulling out is not a birth control method, and you have a high risk of pregnancy in this situation if you don’t take an emergency contraceptive.
I find myself getting into these situations. What should I be doing differently?
Carry condoms. Insist on their use the entire time a penis is in contact with your vulva. Most men, even irresponsible ones will pick sex with a condom over no sex, and someone refusing condom use when you have one available is a strong red flag.
I won’t pretend to know what lifestyle choices are right for you, but condoms have a very good track record for preventing STIs and pregnancy.
You can also get a copper IUD as an emergency contraceptive
I used the pullout method for a decade without issue, but that’s just an anecdote. I understand I’m one of the lucky ones. I was a dumb kid, and you really shouldn’t count on being one of the lucky ones that only has a ‘pregnancy scare’ and nothing more.
To your question, if you think you might have gotten cum in and don’t want a kid, get plan b, it’s not worth the risk imo. Kids are a lot of work, and depending on your risk factors, having one can really mess up your body.
We are individuals but also part of a community. You’re getting connection, exploration, recreation, and risk all in one package. Which is most compelling?
