Also, for the sake of maximising engagement - what mistakes did adults in-general make when interacting with you as a kid, that you avoid replicating today?
Hitting your kids: don’t fucking do that. You might not ever see them when they reach adulthood.
Might not see them in childhood either if they get taken away from you.
It is exceptionally hard for children to be removed for child abuse.
Especially if the mother is the one doing it. It must leave visible marks and be documents by a doctor or a policeman . It needs to show a pattern and be obvious the amount of force was excessive. This needs to happen several times to show a pattern. Must be documented.
That only begins the cps process.
You(only moms?) 100% absolutely can hit your kids so long as you don’t hospitalize them. It fucking sucks to watch from the side .
This seems very specific to the USA.
Yes. What is legal and acceptable will be different anywhere.
Forget the selfish reason. Just don’t hit people because you can’t control your emotions.
If you won’t hit your boss don’t hit your kid.
some people need hit tbf
Perhaps. I’m not sure I agree, honestly.
But I’m certain there’s never a time to hit a person you’re responsible for, who depends on you.
Not teaching me a lot of basic shit, like how to shave, how credit/debit works, exploring food like sushi, teaching me about other countries.
I was taught a lot, especially common sense. I can troubleshoot and diagnose like a madman, even things I know very little about. But my dad wasn’t a talker, so didn’t get much there.
I talk to my kid about everything, we lookup what we don’t know or want to know more about. I go over mistakes I made in life giving him examples of how to not make the same mistakes and save himself the time and trouble.
We call everything “experience”, even bad things, and we learn from them, not unlike skill points and experience points in video games. You can learn from anything, not just good things.
Not teaching me a lot of basic shit, like how to shave, how credit/debit works, exploring food like sushi, teaching me about other countries.
omg… this is so me. I try to justify it by telling myself they might be on the spectrum
Sounds like you’re doing a great job though
Same about not teaching basics. When I was old enough to shave my dad gave me his old electric shaver and bought himself a new one. I get not giving a kid the nice, new thing, but it still felt crappy. And then he didn’t show me how to use it. So the first time I used it I rinsed it out with water. Turns out it wasn’t made to get wet, and it rusted horribly and was immediately ruined. All he had to do was show me once how to use and clean it and it would have lasted for years. This sort of thing happened over and over, I had to learn a lot of stuff the hard way because no one taught me.
Don’t be religious.
One of the best parenting decisions I’ve ever made. My Mom is still pissed, but at least she’s stopped giving my kids religious themed gifts and asking when we’re going to baptize them.
it’s extra funny when they come to you in your 30’s wanting you to get baptized again, because the first one they forced on you as a kid didn’t take or something?
fucking weirdos man, a cult built around fear of death and a refusal to actually read their book themselves…how the fuck has it lasted so long
my parents put me into a christian daycare when i was like 4. i still remember looking out the window hoping to get the fuck out of there. it was only a few weeks because all that religion bullshit gave me nightmares and i would be in constant panic that the sky will fall and satan will get me. the scars are there stll almost 30 years later
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None cuz I’m childfree
I figured a lot of people would be and that’s why i tried to phrase an alternative question in the body of the post :).
The biggest was putting religion as #1 priority
I guess that’s actually the biggest problem people have with religious parents, isn’t it? Like unless you’re an actual monk or priest, you shouldn’t prioritise religion - you should prioritise your family!
I’m sorry that happened to you
Not yelling at them for every little thing. I also want to try and allow them to explore all types of interests and activities.
I try to take my niece and nephew out to different food places personally. Dumplings, ramen, hot pot, get them horchata, jollof rice, just as much variety as I can food-wise, which thankfully is a fair amount in my neck of the woods.
“No buts! Because I said so”
I explain things to my kids so they know WHY we are doing them. If they have an idea as to why we should be doing it differently, like give me 10 more minutes first, or I like it this way, then I listen, consider a compromise, if at all possible.
For example, if it’s time for bed, but they’re in the middle of a fortnite match, then I let them finish it. If it’s time for school, and they just started a match, sorry, turn it off, you knew we had to leave soon.
There’s a time and a place for that, but sometimes you just want them to not run across the road right now.
That’s why you grab them and explain so they don’t do that anymore.
I think when people think in terms of “my dad did this, I won’t do that”, they often miss what the real issue was. They end up being bad parents, just in a different way.
My wife and I raised three kids, and I fucked them up in my own special way. Not anything like how my parents did me.
If I were to look back over my life and offer advice, the advice I’d offer is: get some therapy. Have a disinterested, professional person to talk to every, single, damn week for the rest of your life. Being a parent will fuck you up.
And that’s coming from someone who doesn’t regret having kids.
When I was first thinking about having kids, I was thinking I didn’t have the right personality. I spoke to my brother who had one child at the time, and he explained that when you have a kid you’re so filled with love for them that nothing they do bothers you.
I had a kid. From birth to about 18 months, he screamed. He screamed for everything. He would scream for hours about anything that bothered him. My mom worked as a nurse in a hospital nursery. She cared for her kids, friends kids, family’s kids. She said that in her entire life she never heard a baby scream so loud. My MIL was also a nurse and worked in maternity. Same deal. She was amazed at how loud he was.
I called my brother up to yell at him. He said I was right and he got it wrong. His first kid was easy. His second kid would get him so tight he’d have to leave the house to get away from her.
Back to my kid: Everyone asks, “oh, was it colic?” No. Not colic. The instant he started talking, he stopped screaming. The screaming was just what he did to communicate before he could talk.
I mention the story about the screaming because that was the easy part of parenting.
The instant he started talking, he stopped screaming. The screaming was just what he did to communicate before he could talk.
Oh man, I wonder if there’s any way to fix that for them. Must be a problem other people have faced.
Some have had success with baby sign language. We tried but it didn’t take.
If my kids are not allowed to do/choose something, I tell them why.
My career is a very niche part of IT, and I like it, but I often wonder how different my life would be if I was able to actually study music and music production from the age of 16 instead of dropping out of all other forms of education. Maybe my musical endeavors today would be more than noodling for my own amusement. My parents were very supportive with most things I did, except that one time I wasn’t allowed to go to the only school that interested me. I never learned why.
My parents raised my brother. My sister, and I grew up in his shadow.
Having children.
As a father, I’m going to be better than mine by fucking showing up and being in my kid’s life.
Deciding to keep me at 15 & 19.
I love my life, am absolutely happy to be alive, don’t get it twisted. But 2 teenagers not having an abortion is the original sin of their poor parenting choices
So my old man was and still is extremely smart. Every night, he’d take time to teach me math and English. Thing is, I am not so smart and so have a lot of trouble following his teaching. That would make him frustrated because he couldn’t figure out a way to explain the concept to me and he’d get mad.
I’m grateful now for the education he gave me, but as a little kid all I could think of was that my dad was going to be mad again because I couldn’t learn well enough.
It impacted me through all my schooling. Yes I was a straight A student, but I hated studying. It was only after I started studying things I was passionate for that I got over it.
Again, I don’t hold a grudge against my old man. He did the best he could and I love him for it. But I will try to find more patience with my daughter when I teach her.
Some just arent meant to be teachers.
I know I am not really one
Honestly my mom is so weird:
Like, when I was a kid, she’ll cuddle with me, encourage me to sleep in their bed, and like show affection, and she had moments when she was so wholesome and lovely. She frequently tells me how much she loves me, how smart she supposely thought of me.
But also, often times like… she can easily flip and like yell at me for small mistakes and scold me and belittle me… and I’d cry…
My brain is so fucking confused… lol… what the fuck was that?
Why was I shown love, then she flips on a different mask and becomes a different person like an hour later?
Bipolar?
Idk I have a truma bond to her, so confusing.
As for dad… idk he is just like chilling and doesn’t really show either affection much but neither yells much either… like apathetic…
But anyways, if I ever have children, I’ll do the affection thing, but I’ll make sure I control my emotions and never show anger directed towards my children. I will never make my children feel scared like the way I felt when mom always did to me. Never again.
I’ll try not to be an asshole.
My wife came up with a few rules of life a while ago.
Number one is don’t be an asshole.
