I (23M) live in an abusive household (Ohio, USA) with narcissistic asshole parents, bad enough that I was insecure about the fact that I was seemingly the only one in the family who could experience love or empathy. I haven’t been able to move out yet because I have disabilities and no job.

My older brother was a brooding quiet kid, so for a long time, I didn’t know exactly how he was affected by his upbringing, except that he had anger issues. My parents always shrugged off my fear of him, accusing me of overreacting, even when he killed a bird with his bare hands and displayed its corpse in a tree in the backyard. Today, he’s a strong 6’2" guy with military training and a gun.

My worst fears were confirmed when he displayed a pattern of escalating threats and violence over the past year or so. In October 2024, when he thought I wasn’t around, he candidly told my dad that he would be willing to kill me if there were no consequences. Last February, he remorselessly beat his girlfriend’s cat to death (she did not press charges), which my parents saw as petty drama. Last June, he gleefully described his fantasies of shooting up peaceful protests, which my parents shrugged off.

A few hours ago, I experienced the most terrifying moment of my life.

I was in my bedroom when an argument broke out between my brother and my parents about finances. When my brother didn’t get the response he wanted and my dad started heckling him, he erupted in a way that I had never witnessed before.

“I’LL FUCKING KILL YOU!! MESS WITH ME, MOTHERFUCKER, I’LL SLICE YOU UP!! DIE, BITCH, DIE!!” He screamed at the top of his lungs in a roaring voice he had never used before, repeatedly threatening to kill my dad. My heart was beating out of my chest as I prepared to dial 911 and leap out my bedroom window. I waited tensely for the sound of gunshots or my parents screaming. Since I was holed up in my room, I couldn’t see if he was brandishing a weapon. “Okay, that’s enough,” my mom said in a casually disapproving tone that was psychotically unfitting for the severity of the situation. (My parents aren’t exempt from his violence, as my father was struck in the head by him a few years prior.)

After a couple more minutes of horrifyingly unhinged screams and threats, my brother finally reverted back to “regular pissed off” mode and left to hang out in the woods, while my parents continued to go about their day as if nothing had happened.

So… I can’t fucking believe I’m in this situation. For years my parents told me I was overreacting and paranoid, and I kind of believed them. I always thought that murder was a far-off threat that I would read about on the Internet but never be faced with myself. It’s so hard to shake off this feeling of normalcy and relative stability, and part of me wants to just forget what happened like my parents do. Being uprooted from my home and having to suddenly figure everything out with physical limitations, chronic fatigue, no friends, no home, and no job, in the middle of a cold winter, feels dangerous in itself.

I don’t know what to do. A lifetime of abuse has made me stupid. I feel like if I contact law enforcement, they won’t keep my brother away for long enough for me to get my life in order and make a clean break. He’s almost certain to know that I called the cops, so he will be able to target me after whatever light questioning or slap on the wrist they give him. Plus, my parents will likely try to sabotage my efforts to stay safe. If I contact the authorities or any kind of help resource and it gets back to my family, I will have placed a bright red target on my back and won’t be able to undo it.

It is very hard to focus with the constant threat of violence looming over my shoulder. I failed my last semester of college because my brother suddenly became much more domineering and threatening, and I became too paranoid to even use the bathroom, let alone study.

I can’t think straight. I need help, but I don’t know how to get help in a way that protects me from retaliation.

  • ravenaspiring@sh.itjust.works
    191·
    6 days ago

    There is a lot here, but if you feel you can’t act using LE help, than Ohio has zero-criteria, male-inclusive housing options. They rarely use the word “shelter” on the web so they do not get swamped by single men seeking free motel space. You qualify under “survivor of family-violence with disability.”

    When you call: you can give “first name only” and withhold your exact address—they will still arrange transport. Bring legal-ID. Proof-of-employment are not required; safety trumps paperwork.

    • Crisis Hotline 24/7 (call from any phone – they will NOT disclose caller ID):
    • Ohio Domestic Violence Network – 1-800-934-9840 (ask for “male survivor advocacy”).
    Faster SMS/Text (smart-number line): Text “SAFE” + ZIP to 44357.

    Three metros with immediate walk-in male units (all wheelchair/adaptive):

    • CHOICES – Columbus & Delaware detox-friendly, 30–90 day stays.

    • YWCA Dayton Brukner House male wing funded specifically for adults with disabilities; they take SSA or SSI clients and help reinstate payments if interrupted.

    • Victims Assistance Cleveland & Erie County – 24-bed male DV dorm; can place you same night in independent-living room once CPO filed.

    Next-72-hour legal & relocation funding:

    • Flexible Financial Assistance – pays up to $2,500 toward deposit, mover, phone, food. One-page form + pic of lease invoice.

    • Hotel program – ODVN hotel-voucher code is good for 7– 21 nights; county‐to‐county portability. Confidentiality clause forbids hotel from telling anyone who book and paid.

    • REACH Rapid Re-housing – month-to-month subsidized lease for disabled adult DV survivors, renewable for 12 months.

    It’s worth mentioning that if your bother is drilling reserve status, or is a retiree who receives retired pay then call the Military Police & DoD Inspector General: 1 800 342-9647. Privileged report triggers immediate base-side investigation and overnight restriction orders—they don’t need your parents’ permission and cannot reveal your identity to them. Based on what you have written, he’s in violation of Article Article 128 — Assault & Threats (10 U.S.C. § 928), Article 134 – Communicating a Threat, Article 134 — Disorder/Neglect to Prejudice, and Article 133 – Conduct Unbecoming an Officer / Qualities of Leadership.

    Under Ohio, there are at least two statues: Domestic Violence Civil Protection Order (DV-CPO) – R.C. 3113.31

    • specifically covers threats to kill or harm “household members” (supreme court.ohio.gov).

    Red-/Yellow-Flag Extreme-Risk Protection Order (ERPO) – R.C. 2923.132

    • judge can order police to seize all firearms & ammunition immediately if the respondent poses a “threat of violence”.

    These two will remove your brother’s guns/ammunition within 24–48 h. And the Judge can make him vacate the home and stay 500–1,000 ft away even if your parents co-own the house.

    There is no criminal charge, no attorney required (R.C. 3113.31(J)): county clerk must supply forms, waives all fees.

    My suggestion is that tomorrow morning (or tonight if your county has night magistrate), walk in or use webcam petitioning (many Cuyahoga, Franklin, Summit and Hamilton courts offer online intake after 5 p.m.).

    Make a check box “Emergency ex parte” (he does not get notice until order is already in force). You can attach as evidence: a short sworn affidavit of tonight’s threats, any photos of dead animals, and/or a recording (legal in Ohio if you are participant to the conversation).

    The court can sign the DV-CPO order the same day and it will be served to him as soon as possible by local PD/Sheriff (generally within 24-48 hours). The hearing has to take place within 7- to 10-day which is a temporary window for you. If he violates the order that it is an instant jail offense R.C. 2919.27.

    Forms & on-line helper: olh-cpo-launcher (Ohio Legal Help).

    You are not required to broadcast to your family that you sought aid. Every corner of reporting him is lock-and-key confidential—police, courts, shelters. The only way your brother learns is if he breaks the order and is arrested, at which point you have county-funded housing, legal advocacy, and a safety net already in place, and he has a history which is going to make it much harder for him.

    Stay safe, and reach out to safe places if you need space.

  • FinjaminPoach@lemmy.world
    16·
    5 days ago

    I think you need to move out, as hard as that might be. Even if you need to put stuff like your educatiom on hold you should get away from them all for good

    • em2@lemmy.ml
      8·
      6 days ago

      And record video or sound when he threatens like that, so it won’t be their word against yours. Always good to have proof just in case.

  • CannonFodder@lemmy.world
    11·
    6 days ago

    You gotta get out of there. Look for shelters that can help you. They may be able to help you find a job also.

  • sin_free_for_00_days@sopuli.xyzEnglish
    6·
    6 days ago

    Sadly, most of the time I hear these stories, it’s after the authorities failed to act with tragic results. As someone said, do your best to create a safe place if you can. Have contacts ready to quickly contact. Sorry to hear of your situation. Just awful.

    • shalafi@lemmy.worldEnglish
      21·
      5 days ago

      Cops are swamped with this kinda thing. If they don’t see the crime, such as the brother’s assault outlined above, and the victims won’t talk or press charges, then it’s “he said, she said”, useless to pursue. BUT, they can take a report.

      There’s been more than once in my life where the cops later asked, “Why didn’t you call us?!” Having said that, for many reasons I hesitate to involve police unless uncontrollable violence is going down in the moment.

  • roofuskit@lemmy.worldEnglish
    4·
    6 days ago

    Paper trail and instead of going to the parents you can just go directly to the police. You’re going to have to call them multiple times before shit gets done.

  • HollowV@lemmy.world
    3·
    6 days ago

    First, I am sorry that this situation is happening to you. You are not overreacting, you are just trying to survive. It saddens me to hear this. No one should ever live like that.

    Second, I agree with the other people in the comments. Get connected with a mental health professional. if you are still going to college, see if your school has any counseling services; they can help you handle the situation a bit better. They tend to focus more on general student academic troubles, but having some form of support is better than none. Some other forms of online support you can use is the Mental Health forum: https://www.mentalhealthforum.net/forum/

    People with mental health struggles post their troubles here to get support and advice. Maybe you can get some more help there. It’s a forum specifically for people dealing with depression, anxiety, abuse, etc.; an online support group (sort of). Look up therapists in your area. Yeah, their services aren’t free outside school, but you need all the support. I think the mental health support group called 7 cups has therapists.

    Third, I think making an escape plan as you try to push through is the best way to go about this. You will have to endure this period for some time until you build up support and savings. I am very sorry. The household you’re living in is not safe. You can use this as motivation to find your own place to live which means finding a job so you can get out. It’s gonna be a difficult journey.

    I have lived in a household where I had to survive too. I sympathize with you. Good luck.

  • mnemonicmonkeys@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
    52·
    6 days ago

    Unfortunately, I can’t give good advice on what to do in your situation.

    That being said, I can point out that Ohio is a single-party recording state. If your had recorded your brother’s threats to your parents, that could be thrown out as evidence and get you in trouble. However, any conversation that you’re a party in is fair game for recording.

    Please note, I am not trying to give specific recommendations. All I’m doing is pointing out what is and isn’t legal in the state.

    Stay safe out there