“Sir/mam, this is a Walmart. Your loss of business is literally a rounding error in pur profits.”

“…Also all the other local stores were run out of business so there’s no where else to shop.”

Companies I boycott:

Bank of America
5/3 Bank
Wells Fargo
McDonald’s
Walmart
That corner gas station that never paid their invoice Planet Fitness
John Deere
Verizon
AT&T

Number of store employees I’ve told that I’m never coming back:

0

See, what you gotta do is threaten them with absurdity.

Don’t say “I’m never coming back”. Instead, walk across the street to the bus stop. Wait for them to come out to their car. Memorize it.

Now come back to the parking lot every day for a week. Wait for them to leave their car, and go inside. Once they’re inside, you walk over to their car, and write down their liscense plate number.

Now go home, and use public records to do a search to find their name and address.

Now go back to the store, and take a picture of them with your cell phone.

Now, sit across the street from a police department, and watch for a cop arriving to work. Take note of his liscense plate, and search his name/address.

Now write a letter to the clerk, threatening to wait outside his work with a giraffe. Tell him “Giraffes have 15 inch tongues, thick as a beer can. I’ve trained this one to stick their tongues into your butthole, and grab your waist with their teeth. You’ll be 19 feet in the air, getting tongue fucked by a giraffe. If you try to escape, you fall. See ya at Costco, Gary!”

And you use the cops name/address as the return address. Now if he tries to go to the cops, they’ll protect their own, and find something to arrest him with.

Checkmate, Gary!

On the other hand, I did just tell a bunch of local places I will no longer be a customer because they advertise on PublicSquare.

So I guess I’m those people now.

“And I’m not paid enough TO care.”

An interaction I had when I was in my final days of my fast food “career”:

Karen: “The service here is terrible I’m NEVER eating here again if you don’t fix this RIGHT NOW”

Me (actually said to them): “Oh no, please don’t, the giant multinational corporation with billions in revenue that is [Big burger fast food joint] will notice and cry”

Karen: “I…yea…well!” Storms off

“I’M NEVER SHOPPING HERE AGAIN”

“Oh thank gods, I thought you’d never take a hint. You are objectively an awful person and no amount of spending on your part was ever going to make dealing with you worthwhile. Yes, PLEASE leave and never show your face here again.”

My absolute favorite response to these types of people is “can I get that in writing?”

I’ll admit it; I want to say things like those customers in the comic. Sometimes I do. But I also understand and appreciate that the person I’m talking to both doesn’t care, and can’t do anything about it. So when possible, I try to take some marriage advice I saw somewhere online:

Never say the first thing that comes to mind. Don’t even say the second thing. Say the third thing.

This works really well in emails or online forums, where you can revise many times until you hit send or post.

And for anybody who has read any of my past replies and feel inclined to point out that I still say stupid shit: just know that those stupid shit were the third things that came to mind. 😊

Honestly they are just doing us a favor. I really don’t want to see them again either.

I’ve definitely boycotted companies, but try to make sure my reasoning is sent as high as it can, and even then try to direct it to the company itself rather than whoever I have on the phone.

This is a bit of a grey area because there are some asshole companies and asshole employees

I’d recently had an experience with a racist aldi employee only bag checking my mother because we where not one of the white people in line and that same aldi employee happened to lie about bag checking the white people ahead that we visibly saw her not check

This happened in Australia, but we live in one of the towns in Queensland not known for progresiveness

I’m planning to move to Brisbane or Melbourne once I am able too just to get away from all of the non progressive people here in my hometown

The thing is, either workers are powerless to change things, or just don’t care enough to be bothered by that threat.

Which is why I usually just smile and lodge formal complaints with the company as well as any regulatory body if the situation calls for it. Much more effective when it’s an actual punishment rather than an empty threat. I’ve gotten companies actual fines that way.

today a customer thought I was laughing at them. I just had a mouthful of water I was desperately trying not to choke on 🥲😭

thankfully my manager didn’t believe them