Now that we have determined in this thread that a friendly/flirty conversation is indeed not harassment, women are just people too, the old gender roles are dead and public parks are a singles hunting ground, how do I make it clear I’m open to being approached?
Since chatting someone up is out of the question for me, I’d rather hedge my bets on some women using those tricks all you Casanovas left in that thread on me. We’re all progressive here, I don’t see why the man must start this dance.
But I can’t help but notice that this plan has not worked at all yet. How do I express I’m single and ready to mingle, except by just having that printed on my shirt? Like was said, having just a friendly conversation with any gender would be a start, can’t remember those happening in a while either.
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not someone you wanna prone bone anyway
I actually laughed out loud at the specificity here. Thank you for this, you’ve brightened my day.
Depending on how you land, you might be quite limited in positions anyway
Use “social props.” I’m not sure if that’s a real term, but like the colored-hair guy said, it’s about creating an easy conversation starter and giving people “permission” to approach you. An interesting hat, reading a book where people can see the cover / title, a pet or a friend’s pet, doing a hobby like painting (you don’t have to be good at it), comic books, musical instrument, D&D manual, playing dominos…whatever! If someone wants to chat, just give them a small natural conversation starter and frequently look up from it, take breaks, smile; so they know it’s ok to interrupt you. If someone shows interest by a prolonged or repeated glance, just smile and say, “Hey are you into ‘whatever’ too?”
Otherwise just get trained in first aid, trip them, and carry around a bunch of bandaids and rubbing alcohol. The Florence Nightingale syndrome is sure to kick in as you tend to their wounds.
Tourniquet!!! I’m losing her!!! We need to amputate. 😟
Listen, officer, the chloroform is for medical reasons!!
People here talking about “props”, and that’s fair and dandy but only and only if you truly like or are into said props. Because you will attract people who are into that too, but also repel those who aren’t. As a woman I never cared much about either people with dogs or babies. None of my business. But I have approached people with other animals or doing arts for example.
My recommendation would be to join a group activity and stick to it for a couple months. See how it goes, then switch to something else. It can be life drawing, bushwalking, patisserie, guitar, board games- you name it. This puts you back in control because the activity acts as the prop, and by context you are allowed to say “oh such nice drawings, how do you do xyz?” " Are those shoes good for walking?" “Do you bake often?” You start the conversation and it doesn’t need to be personal at all. I’m always surprised to see normal people cross the line and start asking personal questions about me once I make it obvious that I’m open to conversation.
Get a cute dog. Or a cat on a leash. Give them something to talk about.
Maybe go on a site like meetup or find local events you are interested in. Go out and do something with strangers: help a charity, go on an organized hike, take a language class, do some volunteering.
Just hanging at the park putting out the vibe likely won’t get you where you want to be.
Literally wear a name tag.
A guy, that goes by the name of etymology nerd, did this everyday for a month and people approached him more often.
He made a short video explaining why this was the case and how it was an invitation to converse.
it’s just eye contact. look open and neutral. if people notice you paying attention to them, they’ll engage more likely than if you have your head down covered in hood with headphones on
Wait, who said gender roles are dead? That’s not a thing. Assuming youre a man, most women that are interested in you (or might be interested in you in the future) will expect you to make the first move. I don’t think that’s the patriarchy at work; most straight women want a man who is confident and assertive and I don’t think there’s anything problematic about that.
As a straight man, I also want a woman who is confident and assertive.
chatting someone up is out of the question for me
Some basic life advice for you: focus on things you can control, not on things you can’t. Approach the people you want to interact with. That’s completely under your control. You can’t really control whether other people approach you. Spending your effort on that is a waste.
I mean, there are absolutely things that you should do just to improve your approachability. Good hygiene, to start.
Au contraire!
As was sung, “I am the one thing in life I can’t control”(Edit: Oof, how embarrising), spending effort on that is the waste. So just coming off as more approachable is the one path open to me.Au contraire! As was sung, “I am the one thing in life I can’t control”
Are you referring to Wait For It?
Cause the line is “I am the one thing in life I can control”
Also Burr definitely didn’t “wait for it” when it came to boning down on that British dude’s wife.
have you considered purchasing (or renting?) a Horga’hn?
That’s not something to buy or rent, that’s something personal, something you carve yourself! Preferably on a sunny day in the park, where people can approach you about it. /s
Sorry I can’t be genuinely helpful, I always just kinda slipped into my relationships and an generally quite, no, very clueless. All the best for OP though.
So now I need to get a Horga’hn tattoo or something. How will people know I seek Jahamaron? I can’t believe I haven’t already had this thought. This is obviously where I’ve been going wrong.
Get a pirate hat. Wear that pirate hat. If they start the convo, quickly let them know you are on the lookout for more booty.
On a more serious note, other than having something interesting to talk about (dog, coloured hair, pirate hat), be sure to watch the eyes and try to hold eye contact with people who interest you first. We look at things that interest us. But please don’t stare!
Longer than one second is basically a big sign of interest, so maybe crack a smile. IF they are super interested and confident, chances are good that they will approach you.
Good luck, sailor.
You could try smiling at people, making eye contact. If they quickly turn away, let them go, if they look back at you, you could say “hi”. It’s not exactly letting them come to you, but it’s also not at all aggressive or harassing, it’s just saying “hi”.
If you’ve already noticed something interesting about them, you could mention it. For instance, “those are cool earrings!” or “I love your t-shirt!”, or “What a cute dog! What’s their name?” If you’re insightful and actually noticed something they think is interesting about themselves, they might be inclined to strike up a conversation about it.
girls will signal to me that they might be open to having a conversation, but it’s rare that one would directly initiate. the trick for me is recognizing the signals when i see them, and not hanging around for too long especially if it doesn’t look like it’s working out.
What wpuld those signals look like? Maybe OP can use the same to signal others.
eye contact like this @_@
Since chatting someone up is out of the question for me
Why? Are you unable to speak? Are you unwilling to try? Because it sounds like you’re hopeless about the idea of meeting someone and you don’t feel like your own efforts could possibly help.
I don’t see why the man must start this dance.
The truth is that nobody, regardless of gender, wants to put themselves in a position where they could be rejected. And women usually don’t need to. While you’re leaning against the wall waiting for that woman to start talking with you another guy will approach her and ask her out. We all want to feel like someone is interested in us. It’s flattering. It makes us feel good. And your question makes it clear you’re unwilling to put the effort into showing you are interested. You want someone else to show they are interested in you. That way you don’t have to risk anything. But low risk means low reward.
This may sound harsh, but I do understand where you’re coming from. I went through this myself. One thing that helped me was learning to let go of any expectations when approaching and talking with someone. Try to understand you aren’t there to pick her up, seduce her, or whatever. You are just there to talk. Everyone is interesting in some way. Practice asking people about themselves. You’ll be awkward at first. You’ll mess up and be embarrassed. But keep trying. If you can let go of your own desires and just be curious it will take you far. And talk with everyone you meet. Men, women, old, young, don’t discriminate. It’ll help you realize it’s just a conversation.
Also, put one of those sticky name tags on your shirt. “Hi my name is Tudsamfa”. It makes people more comfortable knowing your name.
You want someone else to show they are interested in you. That way you don’t have to risk anything.
Everyone is interesting in some way. Practice asking people about themselves. You’ll be awkward at first. You’ll mess up and be embarrassed. But keep trying.
The whole comment is solid advice. I especially think these are the meat of it.
Just get it printed on a shirt.
Along with something funny.