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Joined 3 years ago
Cake day: June 9th, 2023
  • SanguinePar@lemmy.worldtoNo Stupid Questions@lemmy.world•Is the "everyday stuff" supposed to feel normal? Do y'all just have a parent do things then when you're supposed to be the adult you panic?
    9·
    2 months ago

    First - try not to worry (easy for me to say that, I know). This sort of stuff can seem overwhelming, especially if you’ve never done it before. Many (most/all?) people will have felt the same at some point, and possibly even still do after going through it plenty of times. Perfectly normal to feel overwhelmed. But you can get through it.

    Second - try not to catastrophise about what *might *happen, what *might *go wrong, because that’s just an endless loop of worry and it’ll make it harder to get on and do the stuff (which leads to more worrying, etc). Most of it won’t happen, so don’t waste energy thinking about how you’ll cope with situations that you’ll probably not ever encounter.

    Third - Don’t fear gatekeepers. I find that most people, most of the time, are genuinely trying to be helpful and pleasant, and if you say to them that , “I’ve not done this before, how do I…?” they’ll help you out as best they can. Don’t be overly apologetic, don’t go in with the assumption that you’re a bother to them or are wasting their time - it’s their job to help get you from one position to another, and it’s usually in their interest to get you there with the minimum of fuss. Just be polite and clear and they’ll probably do the same.

    Not everyone will be like that of course, but most will (in my experience anyway), especially if you keep things simple and focus on the task you want to accomplish rather than giving off “I’m panicking, help!” vibes, as that makes emotional demands on them, and they are usually there for functional reasons, not emotional support. So just be like, “Hi, I’ve not done this before, can you help me?” and take it from there. Let their experience guide you.

    Fourth - do one thing at a time, and even then break tasks down into smaller chunks. So the passport thing - read what you can online (or speak to someone official), and note down specific documents/photos that you will need to gather. Then take each of those as its own individual task and break those tasks down into the steps to achieve each one. Each individual task probably isn’t all that complicated on its own, and you don’t have to do them all at once. Spread it out as much as you want, unless you’re in a hurry. But have a plan and stick to it, eg:

    Day 1 - I need a photo - What kind of photo is acceptable? Where can I get one? Can I get it today? If so, go get it (if not, decide when you will do so, and stick to that), put it somewhere safe (a folder, and envelope, whatever) - and then stop. You’ve done the first task, well done.

    Day 2 - I need proof of my address - What kind of proof is acceptable? Do I already have it? If so, get it (if not, decide when you will do so, and stick to that). Put it aside in your folder - and then stop. You’ve done the second task, well done.

    Etc…

    If something proves easy/quick enough, then maybe start on the next day’s task, but don’t try to do everything at once - you’re learning this stuff, you will make mistakes, but you’ll also cope with them and learn better for next time.

    Adulting is complicated - but you learn it bit by bit, and in the end you’ll be ok. Good luck!

  • SanguinePar@lemmy.worldtoAsk Lemmy@lemmy.world•What's your favourite song lyrics?
    6·
    2 months ago

    Not sure if they’re my favourite, but always liked this sequence in Bulls on Parade:

    Weapons, not food, not homes, not shoes
    Not need, just feed the war, cannibal animal, I
    Walk the corner to the rubble
    That used to be a library, line up to the mind cemetery now
    What we don’t know keeps the contracts alive and movin’
    They don’t gotta burn the books, they just remove 'em
    While arms warehouses fill as quick as the cells
    Rally 'round the family, pockets full of shells