Explanation of the post title:

The first ever Roman fire brigade was created by Crassus. Fires were almost a daily occurrence in Rome, and Crassus took advantage of the fact that Rome had no fire department, by creating his own brigade—500 men strong—which rushed to burning buildings at the first cry of alarm. Upon arriving at the scene, however, the firefighters did nothing while Crassus offered to buy the burning building from the distressed property owner, at a miserable price. If the owner agreed to sell the property, his men would put out the fire; if the owner refused, then they would simply let the structure burn to the ground. After buying many properties this way, he rebuilt them, and often leased the properties to their original owners or new tenants.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marcus_Licinius_Crassus

What if we took a bunch of private firefighters, and kept them on retainer? Then, everyone in the area could agree to pitch in and pay these private firefighters to be on call and put out fires when and where they happen.

The fact that his surname is water man kills me

Is private firefighter a thing?! never heard of this.

Classic mistake. He should have persuaded his neighbours to have private firefighters. That way they’d have put his house out to stop the fire spreading to that of their clients.