Husband’s bad
Why in earth would I compare the woman I’m blasting with my mother?! That’s kinda weird.
⚠️FREUD ALERT FREUD ALERT⚠️
Your mother is kind of hot, so…
I hate that I have to raise a son in an environment that is becoming so hateful towards men just for existing. I saw a picture of a woman at a protest against a child molester and she had a sign that says “not all men but it’s ALWAYS a man” As someone who was molested by a woman when I was a kid, that shit is offensive and aggressive.
The down votes say it all. This shit is why its hard to get men onto the left.
I went to college in the 80’s. I had a history teacher explain to me how the Civil War and Jim Crow were not about gaining economic advantage from subjugation of free labor, but rather white men keeping white women in their place by demonizing black men.
I needed an A, and I got one. I told her what she wanted to hear. Not proud of that, but not ashamed either.
That crap was allowed to fester because it was only a few crazy people. Then it grew enough to spawn the likes of Trump.
I recommend this excellent book, “Jesus and John Wayne” by Kristin Du Mez who brings receipts for the argument that disaffected people were looking for a Trump to show up. (She is an evangelical who is not a fan of autocracy)
All this to say, you are correct.
Yeah, modern narratives basically teach men to hate themselves. I drank the Kool aid until my early 20s until I dated a narcissists and came to the realization that abusive pieces of shit come in all genders. And then when I need to turn to look for a role model there is nothing out there except right wing douche bags. Then we worry why young men gravitate towards the alt right.
think about how it must have felt for all those mothers who had to raise a daughter in an environment that has always been so hateful towards women…
“Fuck you, they had it worse” isn’t really helpful either.
I think the point is to expand the empathy bubble.
It’s hard to have empathy when none is given.
Sometimes it do be hard, yeah. But often most things worth doing are hard in some way.
Why is that my son’s fault?
i never said it was, and I’m sure your son will be fine.
Yes, you did. In approximately the same way that All Lives Matter was just a dog-whistley way of saying “No they don’t” to Black Lives Matter.
When someone says I suffer from THING, responding with other people suffer too as your primary message is always a dismissal of the person’s suffering.
If you want to avoid the inferred message, include an affirmative message of acknowledgement, like “nobody should suffer like that.”
If we’re going to compare this to BLM then you said something amongst the lines of “White people have to grow up in a world where everyone hates them.” and I responded “Actually, black people have had it worse.”
If you are a cis white straight man, you are not oppressed. Stop trying to be.
I’ve had the cops called on me for watching my nephew at the park.
Go fuck yourself you fucking fuck.
so did they arrest you?
The plane rules of rhetoric do not change simply because a thing is not oppression. I’m just a rando adding comment to down vote to express what I think was done wrong.
Thosen two quotes are an excellent example of my principle, actually. The second one when given as a response to the first carries all the factionalist racism and denial of your last line.
so I’m racist now for saying
white men are notnot all white men are oppressed? alright then sure bud
Yeah you are. Real nice that you expect us to raise a generation of boys to have to see themselves as monsters.
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No one is asking them to see themselves as monsters? You’re creating a problem where there isn’t one.
What is a child supposed to pull from the bear vs man type of discussions?
to be better than a bear probably?
No one is telling boys that they are monsters.
It is helpful that they know there are humans in the world who behave like monsters, and that some of them are men who target people who they perceive to be weaker than themselves.
So children, women, other men who are either physically smaller or in a lower position of power. That’s what they need to know. So they can protect themselves, and help stop others from becoming someone else’s monster if the opportunity arises.
Doing things like speaking out against sexual harassment, and calling out bullying behavior, this is everyone’s responsibility btw. Not just men’s and boys, but this is what needs to be taught so world can suck less.
But we only ever talk about boys being the problem. Half the comments here are about how dangerous men are.
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See it’s funny how it’s always men who take criticism for being immature and never ever women. My ex was ridiculously stunted. She was a capricious, gas lighting brat. The ratio of immature men to women out there is pretty even, yet it’s a running joke that men are the immature ones. My ex couldn’t even cook herself lunch, hold a job, and expected me to just hand her money like I’m her dad. Plenty of women out there like that too, just as many as there are man boys out there who think their wives are their mom. But it’s only ever a thing to go after the men on this issue
I once read a comment that said something like, “if your post would be considered racist if you wrote ‘black men’ instead of just ‘men’, then it’s very likely misandrist.”
Good words to live by if you aren’t an asshole.
Damn, I can’t tell if this is honest or some really deep cutting sarcasm/satire.
Edit: the autism got me again
You could not have proven their point more strongly if you tried.
Fact is, even if it was “always a man”, the fact of the matter is that the vast, vast majority of men don’t do it, making the assumptions about men not only immoral, but inaccurate.
White supremacists use the exact same logic, pointing at crime statistics, to justify prejudice toward black people. This is the male sex version of “around blacks never relax”, nothing more, don’t pretend otherwise.
I’m a man, I’m not a rapist. In fact I’m the survivor of childhood sexual abuse. It’s absurdly offensive to me to be called the thing I hate most, an rapist. And I hate that I’m fair game at being called that, simply because I was born the “bad gender”.
The thing is I like being a man, I’m proud to be a man, I’m happy with my life. but even saying that makes people look at you weird. I have no idea why.
another thing that I really dislike is that men are looked at weird when they say they like children, often assuming in a sexual way
our whole species is genetically built to find children cute, we literally have no other choice
My daughter is 13 now and I get weird looks when I hold her hand on hug her in public. She’s a huge daddy’s girl so she’s very affectionate, and I hate the weird looks old ladies give me
Look at this point I know more women with unrealistic relationship expectations than men.
The world has changed a ton in the past twenty years. There’s been a lot of discussion about toxicity in regards to male gender roles, and fundamentals changes to what’s acceptable for a man to expect in a relationship.
There hasn’t really been that discussion in women. While many women have perfectly fair expectations, there are a lot of women who will expect a man to completely reject gendered expectations of them, while having a ton of expectations of a man. It’s almost a joke among my single male friends that the more vocal someone is about being a feminist, the more likely they’ll expect you to pay for the date.
There’s also a subculture of women behaving in ways that would be considered objectively toxic a decade ago, but have been normalized due to the whole oppressor/oppressed culture war narrative. I’ve seen women bail on long term relationships in ways that are 100 percent because they just want to sleep around. I’ve seen women push their husband into an “ethically polyamaorous” relationship that always is extremely one sided. I’ve also seen a lot of women with an “I can do better” mentality that nobody in a relationship would have to put up with.
I’m not saying women are universally awful or anything. I’m just saying I think we need to have the same conversation around how women behave that we had in regards to how men behave.
I’m not saying women are universally awful or anything.
You obviously aren’t, but it speaks volumes all on its own that you felt there was a need to state that, only bolstering your other points about this one-sidedness.
Idk I basically stopped talking about this in mixed gender company in real life. My guy friends get it, my SO gets it, and a few close female friends get it. However most women I meet would treat a statement like this as an attack on them, even if they themselves aren’t engaging in this type of behavior.
That literally what being a liberal male is like.
I’m too out of touch with toxic people (thankfully I don’t know many), I’m unable to understand their reasoning
to the point that when you mentioned the “I can do better” mentality, my first thought was “I can do better to improve myself”, but instead it’s just shit about high or low value people
it’s sad that someone genuinely believes the world revolves around them
These people never met my mother
Fellow bro, same here.
I hope you’re doing fine.
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Joke’s on you, my mother was completely unforgiving.
Author is painting men as needing forgiveness as if we’re just crossing lines like it’s our nature.
That’s patriarchy baby. Same genesis as “boys will be boys” or basically that males can’t control themselves, so society needs adapt to their fickle moods
Isn’t that also the basis of the gay panic defense, that a man loses control of his body in response to being “tricked” into the gay or whatever shit they say.
That’s the gay panic defense. We have to specify because the police also commonly use a panic defense. Like when they shoot into a crowd and claim someone charged them. (Yes they did that, the NYPD, no they haven’t released body cam footage yet, no nobody else is supporting their story)
That’s true, damn, there really shouldn’t be any panic defense at all. Someone who “loses control of their body” still committed a crime, and while in certain cases recognition and rehabilitation can help, them “losing control” or “panicking” is not an excuse for something they still did. If being drunk isn’t an excuse panic shouldn’t be one either.
Perhaps I should play the part assigned to me.
Noooo don’t do that, you’re so pretty lol
I what? Who are you?
I am but a man.
How do you know I’m pretty?
Call it a hunch
If you feel pretty and you act pretty then you are pretty
Shhh it’s not sexism be quiet.
I’m pretty sure it is, and no.
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“Boy” ??!? 😤
favorite??
As if some things are better than other things???
My daughters are wayyyyy more forgiving then my wife.
My wife is wayyyyy more forgiving than my mother lol.
You guys get forgiveness?
Yeah, was about to say my mom would beat me with kitchen utensils until they broke for eating her crackers. My daughters just kind of hug me and say “it’s ok, dad”.
Comment section here showing the user demographics of Lemmy lol
In what way? it looks 50/50 to me.
these 2 statements are not mutually exclusive
There is no escape… 😑
(I mean, there is as far as blocking them all, but you still know they’re there, crawling all over and invading every space that exists)
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Oh. Oh no.
On the one hand definitely oh no.
On the other hand - phew, I’ve already taken the garbage out… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
At least you’re self aware… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
well, lemmy.world has defederated or has been defederated by a bunch of progressive instances.
Idk. Lemmy.world in my book is a generic progressive instance. Marxist-Leninist (.ml) instances on the other hand….
LW is a centrist instance, if anything.
Maybe centrist on economic / foreign policy yah. I do think LW is progressive on social and domestic issues.
Where foreign = outside of the western world.
That’s right. We export our fascism to shithole countries so we don’t have to deal with it at home. Checkmate socialists!
yeah yeah, we get it, you have forgiving mothers, nice humble brag.
My daughter is 2, her forgiveness is not my concern.
with that mentality, it will be.
I can only care about what i care about. She can be mad or sad about my actions but ultimately helping her become independant and moral is more important than selfish desire to be her friend. I do want her acceptance and grace, but my hope is those will be side effects of being a reliable father.
Worrying about approval is something weak people do, and weak people make poor parents.
Fwiw, I realized years ago that the only people whose opinion of my parenting actually matter are the adults my descendents will grow up to be.
is more important than selfish desire to be her friend
I think you’re probably having too many assumptions about what people are saying, which betrays an inflexibility even stubbornness.
Worrying about approval is something weak people do, and weak people make poor parents.
“My way or the highway”, eh? That style of parenting went out of fashion for a reason.
I didnt say my way or the highway or even imply that. Just saying you gotta have strength of conviction. I make concessions and compromise all the time. I dont yell or bully my kid, but i stand firm when she acts out. Now who is making assumptions about whom?
As a father, with a partner and a mother, this makes no sense to me.
Maybe it’s because we are all happy?
Congratulations on landing yourself in a good place. I won’t even try to tell you that you may simply not notice them putting up with shit.
That’s not everyone’s experience, and you’re not being helpful or compassionate with that comment. The opposite, even. You aren’t the victim here, bro, sit down.
Oh I’m sorry, did I fill the hate train with good feelings?
That’s what you took from that? Ok, bud.
Check their post history for their little rant about trans people. It’s elucidating. He’s just another alt-right shit heel. I’m surprised at how many are on Lemmy.
Edit: I’d love to know if this guy’s kids describe their childhood as happy once they’re adults. My money is on no.
Lemmy is a niche community with many of the people coming from being actuve Reddit users. That’s not inherently a bad thing but you can see how those things all apply more and more filters until the percentage of broken incels increases up to and beyond a certain point.
Absolutely that’s what I took from it.
Interesting, never heard that term before. I do see what it describes on a daily basis however.
It’s a very common tactic in the scumbag playbook.
every argument that is [gender 1] bad, [gender 2] good, always boils down to ad hominem
It’s nice to not need forgiving. #freedom
Well my mother wasn’t forgiving so I guess I’m screwed.
