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My wife’s old dutch grandma once had a sip of beer and said “it’s like an angel pissing on my tongue”
Talking about how many children she had “your grandfather would throw his dirty undies at me and I’d get pregnant”
Grandma sounds like she could make a pirate blush :) I wanna be just like her when I grandma
“How’re we gonna fuck this pig” is my favorite. Means “how are we going to start this unpleasant task”.
Fun fact: Saying it at work can net you several funny looks and more!
David Cameron is a redneck?
That’s also Letterkenny.
Rural Ontario is Canada’s “South”. Not Alberta. Not Saskatchewan, rural Ontario.
I’m from Ontario, I agree.
It’s this why they put lipstick on the pig?
Just don’t mix up the “are” with “about”. 🤌🏼
One I learned in the fleet was “…more fucked than a ten cent whore on a day raining dimes.”
My favourite is the (apparently) Australian saying “I’m so hungry a could eat the ass off a low flying duck”
Aussie slang is weapons grade language. They’re not here to fuck spiders
They truly have mastered the language and then elevated it to obscene heights.
Australian slang is fast becoming an arrogant edifice of human endeavour that god will have to one day topple or admit defeat. I for one suspect god is here to fuck spiders, and he may even be a drongo
I have always enjoyed “I could eat the north end of a south bound skunk”
My dad has a lot from growing up in a small farming community in Kansas:
“Shakin like a dog shittin prune seeds.”
“I gotta piss like a race horse.”
“So dumb you couldn’t pour piss out of a boot with the instructions on the heel.”
“Shaking like a dog shitting razor blades” is the opening of an alkaline trio song. They’re out of Chicago, so I don’t think this is local to small town Kansas. Also I’m from Texas and piss like a racehorse was fairly common.
I once heard a coworker say: “if brains were gunpowder, they couldn’t blow their nose”.
A friend will occasionally say “that’ll make you take back shit you never stole”, which apparently means the thing (whatever he was talking about) was good.
One of my favorites:
“It’s hotter out here than a fresh fucked fox in a forest fire”
“fawx” and “fahr”, for the unfamiliar
That made all the difference hearing it in mah mahnd.
“Sheeeyit, i’s hahtt’r awht hee-uh thunna freshfukkt fawx inna fohr’st fahr.”
I’m a native speaker. You’re pretty close! It’s:
“Hotterna fresh fucked fawx inna forst fahr”
I knew I used too many 'o them fancy, uh, whatsits. Ya know, um, yeh: lettrs.
“colder than a witches tittie in a brass bra”
Asking friends if they could carve my initials into my glasses when they get pokies from cold weather is the best. No matter their gender lol.
extended version: …doing pushups in the snow.
this is Lemmy’s finest thread to date
And I thought my language had something unique. Turns out, saying “even from a sack full of pussies he would pull out a dick” to an unlucky person isn’t that unique to us.
But, equally as revelatory, perhaps.
I’ve heard “he’s so dumb he could fall into a barrel of tits and come out sucking his thumb”
I like this one - it’s less about bad luck so it only applies to me half the time.
My wife’s granny in West Virginia: “I wouldn’t kick him out of bed for eating crackers”
“I wouldn’t push her/him off the bed” means they’re fuckable in German.
Original: Ich würde sie/ihn nicht von der Bettkante schubsen.
“like a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs” in reference to watching your ass.
“Like a blind man at an orgy, I had to feel my way through”
I feel like this could work for so many things. Like a nails on a chalkboard noise, or a bull in a China shop situation. A bull made of nails amd teeth.
No, it’s referring to the nervousness of said cat, not the sound it makes.
Right, I get that, it just seems versatile.
I have a pretty mild one that I’ve used all my life: “Good Lord willing and the creek don’t rise.” I said it once to the owner of the company I work for and he thought I meant I wouldn’t do what he’d asked of me, and he got a little upset. I had to explain it meant the opposite. That I had to explain it to him didn’t really ease the angst of the situation…
I grew up 5 mins from West Virginia. The hillbillies were always saying wild shit like this lmao
You’ll love these from little bubby child https://youtube.com/shorts/z9lv4UunN2k
My Grandfather- “I’m hungry enough to eat the ass out of a skunk”
is your grandfather the angry video game nerd by any chance?
Lol he probably died before that kid was born.
In Canada, I’ve heard (and used) that as “I’m hungry enough the eat the ass out of a freshly fucked moose”
I’m so hungry I’d eat the south end of a north facing horse.
‘I’m so hungry I could crawl up a hogs ass and make me ham sandwich’
I like the Newfie sayings: “She’s tighter than a squall of shit through a tin whistle”
