A physicist, an engineer, and a mathematician are staying in neighboring rooms at a hotel for a conference.
In the middle of the night, a faulty outlet sparks a fire in the hallway. The physicist wakes up, sees the fire, fills the ice bucket up with water and uses it to extinguish the fire. He goes back to bed satisfied.
A bit later, another fire breaks out. This time, the engineer wakes up, sees the fire, does a quick calculation and fills his ice bucket 3/4 full. He just barely extinguishes the fire, and goes back to bed satisfied.
Later yet, the fire starts again. This time the mathematician wakes up, sees the fire, sees the ice bucket, announces “A solution exists!” and goes back to bed satisfied.
A photon checks into a hotel:
“One room for the night, please.”
“Very well, any bags to check?”
“Nope, I’m travelling light.”
There are 10 types of people. Those who get binary and those who don’t.
There are two types of people in the world:
- Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data
“If you can tell people where they are and what they are seeing, you are a bloody legend.” Cartographer’s joke
Why are singers at the Sydney Opera House so good at calculus? All that practise at arias under the curve!
Not result a joke but there’s a youtuber I watch called Angela Collier, and she has a video titled “alkaline water …with lemon” and I about died just reading the title
Tl;dw it takes such a small amount of acid to turn alkaline water acidic. Like even if there was a benefit to drinking alkaline water, you’re completely undoing it by adding even a drop of lemon juice
Mitosis is connected to my fetuses.
Is Psychiatry still a science?
- How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb?
-
- One to change the bulb and the other to hold my mother…I mean the LADDER!
Three logicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks: “3 beers?”
The first one responds: “I don’t know”
The second one responds: “I don’t know”
The last one responds: “Yes, please!”
The “mouse scanner”
This is way too meta, and somewhat of an inside joke to my previous lab… explanation below
Explanation
In cancer biology, many labs work with mice as a model organism. Back in the days before single-cell sequencing and organoids became popular, almost every good lab would routinely graft tumors onto model mice, then inject drugs and other stuff… and after a few weeks harvest the organs. Lots of ppl still do this. Very demanding research but it was state-of-the-art so
Anyways… my lab, similar to many, used to have scanners for scanning Western Blots (another super common and notorious lab workflow). We’d scan images, histology slides cut from mice organs, etc… We also had a dedicated X-ray or CT machine (probably, memory hazy) specifically for scanning mice organs, but those two are separate
And one day we were doing journal club and reviewing a cancer biology paper from another lab. They had full-body scans of lots of different mice, nothing too crazy… but in their methods section I think they straight up said they scanned the mice on a scanner 💀
So yeah, we had this joke of someone putting a still alive mouse on the standard printer-scanner, and then S Q U I S H the mouse to make an image
Bartender: “We don’t serve faster-than-light particles here!”
A tachyon walks into the bar.
So this atom returns to the pub begging the bartender and the patrons “Oh, good golly! I’ve lost one of my here electrons! Has anyone seen it?!”
The owner says. “No one has reported anything. Are you sure you’ve lost it?”
To which the atom replied, “Yes! I’m positive!”
…
The next day…
Having a pint, the bartender sees the atom from yesterday and calls the ion up to the bar and says “Just yesterday, you say you lost an electron. Well we found it and here it is.” Rolling it across the bar. The atom, now very happy says “Yeah! That’s the one! Amazing! Thank you! What can I do to repay you?!”
The bartender, with a sly wink, says “No charge.”
How do you tell the difference between male chromosomes and female chromosomes?
Pull down their genes
There are 10 types of people.
Those that understand binary and those that dont.
What about those who were expecting a trinary joke?
A Linux Mint User, an Arch Linux User, and a Gentoo Linux User walk into a bar. The bartender asks them what they’d like. The Linux Mint User asks for an IPA, the Arch Linux User asks for hops, barley, water, and some instructions. The Gentoo Linux User asks for a manual on how to first make the universe.
