IMHO, you need two things for “deep talk”: authenticity and vulnerability. You can’t have that level of connection without both individuals bringing those to the table. I, personally, don’t get to that level flippantly–only with people I know and trust can reciprocate. If you try to force it, you get the opposite: shallowness.

It’s all relative.

My 2 year old was sitting on the toilet and was like “sometimes, you just have to let the poop out”.

Hell yeah.

“Deep Thoughts” by Jack Handy.

What are you interested in?

Sharing your current hyperfocus can work well, but you have to introduce it gradually. Don’t infodump. Introduce the subject a few times superficially until you become known as “the guy who’s into X”. Then as some point you will be asked to explain. That’s your moment!

If you’re more into discussing philosophy and meaning of life, you need to wait for a correct setting. You mentioned it yourself. It usually includes consuming some kind of substances, but even if you don’t it’s that kind of vibe. Put yourself into “afterpaty” situations. When you do some activity (not necessarily a party) and then stay to hang out with the same people.

what

Deep talk rises more from questions and openness to considering different options than it does from having the broadest knowledge of a topic. It’s about asking why instead of accepting the popular narrative about a subject. Following the scientific method doesn’t really make someone’s understanding of a topic deep. Propagating wide sets of data to confirm hypotheses about the natural world is a fairly mechanical process on to itself.

To me, “deep talk” is discussing things like Susan Sontag’s book On Photography, Thomas Mann’s The Magic Mountain or Wittgenstein’s Tractatus Logico Philosophicus . What you’re describing is actually the curiosity and openness and the willingness to think about things. That’s fantastic.

I think you’re describing an in depth discussion. What makes the talk deep isn’t having complicated subject matter. It’s when your talking about things you feel to your core.

The deep part is emotional not philosophical.

I have one friend who I occasionally get into deep topics with, and it’s usually a gradual thing - talking about light stuff that gets more and more deep.

I will sometimes get into moderately deep discussions on the internet like here on Lemmy. Sometimes people (more on reddit than here) are like “lol tl;dr” and such bullshit, but I try to ignore those people.

So it depends on whether or not you want deep discussions in person with someone you know well, or if just discussion in general is sufficient, in which case, you can be the change you want to see - to some degree. Put it out there and often it’ll be ignored but not always.

space and stuff […] more meaningful

Oh, that’s not a concern. Deep discussion allows us to work through topics with feedback from soneone else, to give and take ideas, just to even be excited deeply about some particular topic. It doesn’t have to have any specific value to be worth it.

Look for the places where discussion happens and if it interests you, jump in. It won’t always work, but sometimes it does.

For that matter, there’s folks like me who are generally chatty (depending on mood and fatigue level). Anything strike your fancy recently? I or someone else might bite. I like discussing lots of random things, though there’s also a lot that just doesn’t draw my attention. heh. But if you wanna give it a go, why not? :)

But also, finding things to submit, or thinking of good discussion questions to submit to this community, can be good conversation starters. Especially if you indicate you’re interested in longer discussions. May not work every time still, but it’s a good method.

Three things that might help:

Shared vulnerability. I’d say this is what you mean with “deep”. Others said it well, if you force it then it’s awkward.

Which brings me to the second thing: progressive self-disclosure. In other words, with each person you meet there’s a set of steps in a staircase. You meet everyone in level one. If you open up a bit and they walk up with you, you can continue going up a bit more and see if they go up with you a bit more. You need to notice where others are: are they visibly comfortable? Are they being enthusiastic about the topic?

The final thing is shared competence. Sometimes, talking “deep” is finding someone who knows the same stuff that you know about and you go on a wild ride, exploring your mental palaces and building new ones throughout the conversation. This also requires going up step by step.

If you’re kind and lucky, you will find people with whom you can have shared vulnerability and people with whom you can have shared competence.

Check out these resources that might help:

• Popular by Mitch Prinstein
• Crucial Conversations

Try journalling. Just write down whatever you’re thinking about. It helps to get those deep thoughts out of your head and into the world. It makes them easier to examine when they’re out of your head. It also gives you more clarity when you articulate what you’re thinking: a definite thing instead of a fuzzy idea floating around on your head. That’s what I do. I don’t need to worry about sounding like an idiot because I’m the only person that will see them anyway.

Learning about math with your budddy

I think I get what you’re saying. Those are the talks where the conversation leads you thinking about something you never thought before, or thinking about it in a whole new way.

You want to have one of those conversations because the sensation of discovery feels good. It’s like a workout for your brain and you feel pumped up and stronger afterwards!

The problem is, you can’t really force it. Even if you go down the topics that usually get you there, you’re just regurgitating things that have already been said.

You just have to have lots of conversations with lots of different people and eventually you’ll fall into a discussion that really sucks you in and works those neurons.

I totally get it and am willing to have some exploratory discussions with anyone who’s interested!

Most people don’t seem very interested in deep philosophical conversations. It distracts them from trying to focus on Love Island.

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