Are friends just supposed to be like a TV? You talk to them when it’s convenient for you and you can’t think of something else to do?
I’ve just realized all the people I thought were my friends only talk to me on their schedule, when they feel like it. I’m left on read for days, meetings are ignored, text message conversations just end abruptly until they get back from vacation…
Is this it? Is this what friendship is? Because I don’t want it. I don’t want to feel like I have people to rely on only to find out that I’m just a convenience for people.
No, but be mindful there are many kinds of friends of varying degrees of closeness. A distant friend might fit your description. A close friend could be more attentive.
Keep in mind that people are busy, have work, families, tragedies and dramas of their own. It isn’t always easy to be responsive to the level your suggesting.
Also, Marshall McLuhan said “The medium is the message”. Your complaint…
"I’m left on read for days, meetings are ignored, text message conversations just end abruptly until they get back from vacation…
Those are asynchronous mediums. They are meant to get back to you when convenient. If you wanted immediacy, have a phone call, visit in person. The medium (asynchronous written messages) is the message (you don’t need to respond right away).
It is not reasonable to expect someone on vacation to be tied to you electronically. They are on vacation! Leave them alone until they come back. Then have your convo and spend time with your friend.
I left a friend an audio on whatsapp and he said two days later and he wrote “oh, shit, ijust got this, I’ll listen soon.” Two days after that, he still hadn’t listened to it.
Is that weird? I got not getting back to people right away, but if I send a friend a text I kind oF expect them to read it relatively soon and reply in a day or two.
You need better friends. True friends help you out and support you. They give you someone to talk to about things that plague you, and someone to share successes with. Get a group of friends together and you get community- which is something that is sorely missing in this world.
There’s a certain mindset needed to build community, but I’m not sure how to describe it
I’ve looked into the “common mistakes people make in friendships” and I don’t think I’m making any of those.
I’m pretty discriminating in who I want to be my friend, I don’t charge into a relatiosnhip, I’m taking time to build them, I’m not high maintenance or talk only about myself, I also don’t think I"m coming across as a despearte people pleaser (definitely not my vibe!).
So I’m just sort of left with a feeling that society cares about only two relationships:
- People to have sex with.
- People who are evidence that sex was had in the past (ie, children).
And that’s it.
Everyone else is just a TV set.
This is very unhealthy and not representative of what’s really happening. A therapist could help you with your dissatisfaction.
What?
Edit:
Alternate title: Gaslighter suggests gaslighting.
This is also not a healthy response.
You’re really good at invalidating people’s experiences. You’d enjoy being a therapist .
I’m begining to understand your frustrations with friends.
You also lack accountability; you must already be licensed.
No, friendships are a source of companionship and support. They’re people you can share your highs and lows with.
Perhaps
Have you done it? Let’s make a Lemmy on it. I’m explicitly thinking of doing this as a project at an open mic night.
