Let’s put a positive spin on this, since people in the comments are dogging on him enough.
Guy’s 20, living on his own, clearly inexperienced in the ways of living on his own, and he had the courage to do what so many fail to: ask for help. If he keeps that going, he’ll be fine.
People like to blame men for the failure/neglect of society, parents, teachers, etc., to teach them the things they’ll need to know as an adult. Generally regarding stuff that was conventionally ascribed as “women’s duties”: cooking, cleaning, decorating, etc.
People blame the individuals as if they’re supporting the patriarchy by not knowing the things that they were never taught. That’s missing the point, because these men were harmed by the patriarchy which neglected to teach them these important things.
It’s really hard to enter your twenties and become moderately independent and suddenly have to learn a hundred different things that are absolutely critical to a well-ordered life, that already come so naturally to people who have been doing it their entire lives that they hardly even think about it and look down on you for not just intuitively grasping everything you need to know.
But no, they see a young guy struggling with basic tasks like washing the bed sheets or hanging curtains or choosing a tasteful rug or not burning dinner or whatever, and they jump straight to “NOBODY IS GOING TO MOMMY YOU, GROW TF UP!!!” Because it’s sooo cool to attack a man who you find in a position of weakness because he’s struggling with tasks you deem basic.
If we could just break that stigma and make it okay for men to ask for help, they’d be able to learn what they need to a lot easier. At least the ones who try. Clearly the ones who don’t try and have no interest in trying are the problem, so why focus the ire on the ones who do try? Asking for help kinda skylines yourself and makes you vulnerable to attack, so I’m not surprised few people do it.
That would at least ease the transition for a generation or two until people who learn basic things as boys grow up and become men who don’t need to catch up on the things that the average 20yo woman has already been doing for over a decade…
Also of note, some of that can just be pure crippling ADHD too,
washing the bed sheets
Thanks for reminding me.
hanging curtains
Bought 'em 2y ago and they’re still in the box in a seldom used closet, keep forgetting about them until I see them but then I’m doing something and will have to get to it later, by “later” I’ve forgotten again. I’ll get to them later…
choosing a tasteful rug
This one might not be ADHD I just hate shopping for things, I get in and get out.
Many, many years ago I did one of these. I made sure to take pictures, because at least some of the shots looked good enough to make up for the sadness of not eating it.
Who ever said it’s not okay for men to ask for help!? I’m pretty sure that’s a personal pride thing more than a societal norm, or is at least a societal norm because so many men let pride get in the way. Small men tend to be embarrassed if they don’t know how to do something that’s perceived as simple, and don’t know how to handle that emotion so it is either dismissed or becomes a point of frustration.
Why do you think those men make it a point of pride not to ask for help? It’s because they’ve internalized the subtle (and not-so-subtle) messaging that they’ve received since childhood that asking for help is weakness, and weakness is bad, because you’re a man so you’re supposed to be strong and know how to do everything by yourself.
Social norms and individual behaviors are a chicken and the egg situation. Yes, societal norms are made up of individual behaviors. However, those behaviors are also influenced by societal norms. And often, society punishes any deviation from those norms.
It’s literally the same process that teaches women to do the things that basically all of the feminist literature ascribes to societal norms and internalized messaging. It’s the same process. So why do people always try to invalidate it whenever someone brings up the male side of that coin?
Because we should encourage people to be smart enough to realize they’re doing something dumb and ask someone to help or make sure they’re doing things correctly.
The last thing we need in this world are more aggressively stupid people inordinately confident that they’re doing shit right while doing nothing but fucking up.
The one thing that is bothering me a little… Like I was on my own in college at 18. While I wasn’t really “taught” how to cook for myself I at least observed my mom and dad over 18 years cooking. I’ve seen them use baking sheets in the oven, and never just directly on the rack.
My question is where was this guy for 20 years? Was he never in the kitchen helping set the table? Emptying the dishwasher/doing dishes while mom was making dinner? Did he just disappear at all times and thought some magic genie made food?
Because the fact that you’re seeing this in the first place shows something deeply wrong with how people interact these days.
We should be free to make mistakes. Just because you had a perfectly predictable childhood doesn’t mean everyone does. If you didn’t have a perfectly predictable childhood then you need to practice some empathy.
Guy is trying to learn. That shouldn’t get him posted for everyone to make fun of.
First, you don’t know anything about me, what a weird thing to say.
Second, guy isn’t here. Guy possibly doesn’t even exist. This isn’t about guy and his needs, it’s about the needs of the people actually present. I don’t think you are seeing through your own bullshit well enough to have actual insight into, “Why?”
Lastly, if you think this is how we meaningfully express empathy to each other, I suggest this is more about feeling like you are practicing empathy than actually practicing it in meaningful ways.
Let’s put a positive spin on this, since people in the comments are dogging on him enough.
Guy’s 20, living on his own, clearly inexperienced in the ways of living on his own, and he had the courage to do what so many fail to: ask for help. If he keeps that going, he’ll be fine.
He clearly didn’t get the guidance he needed when he was younger, but he is trying and asking questions. He is on the right path.
People like to blame men for the failure/neglect of society, parents, teachers, etc., to teach them the things they’ll need to know as an adult. Generally regarding stuff that was conventionally ascribed as “women’s duties”: cooking, cleaning, decorating, etc.
People blame the individuals as if they’re supporting the patriarchy by not knowing the things that they were never taught. That’s missing the point, because these men were harmed by the patriarchy which neglected to teach them these important things.
It’s really hard to enter your twenties and become moderately independent and suddenly have to learn a hundred different things that are absolutely critical to a well-ordered life, that already come so naturally to people who have been doing it their entire lives that they hardly even think about it and look down on you for not just intuitively grasping everything you need to know.
But no, they see a young guy struggling with basic tasks like washing the bed sheets or hanging curtains or choosing a tasteful rug or not burning dinner or whatever, and they jump straight to “NOBODY IS GOING TO MOMMY YOU, GROW TF UP!!!” Because it’s sooo cool to attack a man who you find in a position of weakness because he’s struggling with tasks you deem basic.
If we could just break that stigma and make it okay for men to ask for help, they’d be able to learn what they need to a lot easier. At least the ones who try. Clearly the ones who don’t try and have no interest in trying are the problem, so why focus the ire on the ones who do try? Asking for help kinda skylines yourself and makes you vulnerable to attack, so I’m not surprised few people do it.
That would at least ease the transition for a generation or two until people who learn basic things as boys grow up and become men who don’t need to catch up on the things that the average 20yo woman has already been doing for over a decade…
Also of note, some of that can just be pure crippling ADHD too,
Thanks for reminding me.
Bought 'em 2y ago and they’re still in the box in a seldom used closet, keep forgetting about them until I see them but then I’m doing something and will have to get to it later, by “later” I’ve forgotten again. I’ll get to them later…
This one might not be ADHD I just hate shopping for things, I get in and get out.
OH SHIT MY PIZZA!
Many, many years ago I did one of these. I made sure to take pictures, because at least some of the shots looked good enough to make up for the sadness of not eating it.
Who ever said it’s not okay for men to ask for help!? I’m pretty sure that’s a personal pride thing more than a societal norm, or is at least a societal norm because so many men let pride get in the way. Small men tend to be embarrassed if they don’t know how to do something that’s perceived as simple, and don’t know how to handle that emotion so it is either dismissed or becomes a point of frustration.
Why do you think those men make it a point of pride not to ask for help? It’s because they’ve internalized the subtle (and not-so-subtle) messaging that they’ve received since childhood that asking for help is weakness, and weakness is bad, because you’re a man so you’re supposed to be strong and know how to do everything by yourself.
Social norms and individual behaviors are a chicken and the egg situation. Yes, societal norms are made up of individual behaviors. However, those behaviors are also influenced by societal norms. And often, society punishes any deviation from those norms.
It’s literally the same process that teaches women to do the things that basically all of the feminist literature ascribes to societal norms and internalized messaging. It’s the same process. So why do people always try to invalidate it whenever someone brings up the male side of that coin?
He’s probably injecting his message and destination into someone elses data transmission lmao
Genuinely: why???
Because we should encourage people to be smart enough to realize they’re doing something dumb and ask someone to help or make sure they’re doing things correctly.
The last thing we need in this world are more aggressively stupid people inordinately confident that they’re doing shit right while doing nothing but fucking up.
The one thing that is bothering me a little… Like I was on my own in college at 18. While I wasn’t really “taught” how to cook for myself I at least observed my mom and dad over 18 years cooking. I’ve seen them use baking sheets in the oven, and never just directly on the rack.
My question is where was this guy for 20 years? Was he never in the kitchen helping set the table? Emptying the dishwasher/doing dishes while mom was making dinner? Did he just disappear at all times and thought some magic genie made food?
Because the fact that you’re seeing this in the first place shows something deeply wrong with how people interact these days.
We should be free to make mistakes. Just because you had a perfectly predictable childhood doesn’t mean everyone does. If you didn’t have a perfectly predictable childhood then you need to practice some empathy.
Guy is trying to learn. That shouldn’t get him posted for everyone to make fun of.
First, you don’t know anything about me, what a weird thing to say.
Second, guy isn’t here. Guy possibly doesn’t even exist. This isn’t about guy and his needs, it’s about the needs of the people actually present. I don’t think you are seeing through your own bullshit well enough to have actual insight into, “Why?”
Lastly, if you think this is how we meaningfully express empathy to each other, I suggest this is more about feeling like you are practicing empathy than actually practicing it in meaningful ways.
Mmk buddy, let me know when you’ve figured out how to remove your head from your ass.