There are ways to meet more people. Online works best for neurodivergents looking for other NDs.
Masking in a relationship isn’t healthy. Being single is better than the feeling of having to filter yourself for the one person that’s supposed to just get you. Maybe you’ll find an allistic person who you don’t have to filter all your thoughts for, maybe it needs to be another autistic person. But for the love of flying spaghetti monster, don’t waste your life dating people who make you feel bad for being the pure, unadulterated version of yourself. I’ve made that mistake multiple times. It wears you down over time. You get in a relationship and you’re happy. It takes time to notice you have to pretend you’re someone else. By the end, you hate the other person and yourself. Fuck that. It’s not worth it. Find yourself someone that can’t get enough of your quirkiness.
And I mean dating apps suck but I’ve met some great people on Tinder of all places. It’s probably the worst of them all, but really the only one with a big enough userbase in my country. It’s a pure numbers game. Even 1% is a big number if you swipe thousands upon thousands of profiles over time. Or join groups for whatever hobby you’re most passionate about. Discord servers will do even. It’s 2026. There’s probably babies out there whose GRANDPARENTS met playing vidya. Nothing to be ashamed of.
Just do yourself a favour and start reducing the filter as soon as possible when talking to a potential romantic interest, whether it’s in real life or online. They might find you more interesting that way anyway and you also won’t get stuck wasting your time on someone who doesn’t like the real you.
TBH, at this point the original me is long dead. I am my masks.
Further, there are legitimately elements of my personality that I don’t even share with family. The only place I open myself up is arguably on the internet. I’m a bitter, mean, terrified, self loathing, and arrogant person on the inside. Benevolent in many respects materially perhaps, willing to give time and energy and resources to my friends and family. But on a emotional level I’m a walking festering clump of scar tissue that I cannot dare share with people without bringing about discomfort or even revulsion from them.
Being single is better than the feeling of having to filter yourself for the one person that’s supposed to just get you.
But for the love of flying spaghetti monster, don’t waste your life dating people who make you feel bad for being the pure, unadulterated version of yourself. I’ve made that mistake multiple times. It wears you down over time. You get in a relationship and you’re happy. It takes time to notice you have to pretend you’re someone else. By the end, you hate the other person and yourself. Fuck that. It’s not worth it. Find yourself someone that can’t get enough of your quirkiness.
Just do yourself a favour and start reducing the filter as soon as possible when talking to a potential romantic interest, whether it’s in real life or online. They might find you more interesting that way anyway and you also won’t get stuck wasting your time on someone who doesn’t like the real you.
Be single for as long as I have and you’d realize that being in a bad relationship is at least a life experience. Being single is hollow. Its empty.
A big reason I’ve been single for so long is I’ve been on autopilot and focusing on personal projects, but I’ve essentially missed so many chances due to my obliviousness as a result. Now that I’m hyper fixated on finding someone, I’ve gotten multiple chances and slowly gotten better at the "game’. I’m getting closer, I can feel it. I am miserable doing this “project” though, but that misery will pass once I either find someone or fully give up. I don’t do things half ass. Its all or nothing.
To be frank, I need to experience a bad relationship that lasts longer than a week and that isn’t just a hook up situation. I need the bad experience. I need to fail faster. If the relationship ends up being good, great. But I’ll be glad to feel anything.
And I mean dating apps suck but I’ve met some great people on Tinder of all places. It’s probably the worst of them all, but really the only one with a big enough userbase in my country. It’s a pure numbers game. Even 1% is a big number if you swipe thousands upon thousands of profiles over time. Or join groups for whatever hobby you’re most passionate about. Discord servers will do even. It’s 2026. There’s probably babies out there whose GRANDPARENTS met playing vidya. Nothing to be ashamed of.
I’m using the apps. I definitely despise them, but I’m using them.
I used to think so too. Then I had a properly abusive partner. Mentally, physically, financially. I’ve since come to realize that being in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship is not worth it. And that you need to find meaning in your life BEFORE you can be happy in a relationship.
To be frank, I need to experience a bad relationship that lasts longer than a week and that isn’t just a hook up situation. I need the bad experience.
Hmm, perhaps you’re right. Just try to remember that good relationships can exist too, even if you run into several bad ones. Otherwise the bad will consume you.
I used to think so too. Then I had a properly abusive partner. Mentally, physically, financially.
I’m sorry to hear that. I hope you are doing better.
I’ve since come to realize that being in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship is not worth it. And that you need to find meaning in your life BEFORE you can be happy in a relationship.
I don’t believe in a meaning in the first place. Just experiences & seeking contentment.
Also, I have plenty of things I’m into, but I tend to hyper focus on projects. And if I’m focused on something other than seeking a relationship, I seem to be incredibly bad at picking up signals and chances.
Now that I’m hyper fixated on the dating/hook-up/relationship hunt, I notice I’m excellent at it. I’m just kind of miserable doing anything else that I previously enjoyed because I normally enjoy a lot of solo activities and my brain is constantly haunting me with “Shouldn’t you be out looking for a partner?” constantly.
Its not so much that I need a partner to be whole, its that I need a steady partner so I can close out this “project” of mine. I may end up closing it out with a fail state eventually, and I’ll be upset but I’ll be able to live with that because at least I tried. There is a sort of soft end point in mind.
Hmm, perhaps you’re right. Just try to remember that good relationships can exist too, even if you run into several bad ones. Otherwise the bad will consume you.
I’m poly/ENM, don’t believe in “destined love” or Victorian/classic romance, and value my sovereignty a lot. I’m not seeking to own someone or have them own me. I’m simply seeking deep and long lasting love. I’m what you could describe as “Theriromantic” or “Paleoromantic” but those are not terms unfortunately. There is a very low risk of a bad relationship consuming me to the point that I risk being stuck in one.
There are ways to meet more people. Online works best for neurodivergents looking for other NDs.
Masking in a relationship isn’t healthy. Being single is better than the feeling of having to filter yourself for the one person that’s supposed to just get you. Maybe you’ll find an allistic person who you don’t have to filter all your thoughts for, maybe it needs to be another autistic person. But for the love of flying spaghetti monster, don’t waste your life dating people who make you feel bad for being the pure, unadulterated version of yourself. I’ve made that mistake multiple times. It wears you down over time. You get in a relationship and you’re happy. It takes time to notice you have to pretend you’re someone else. By the end, you hate the other person and yourself. Fuck that. It’s not worth it. Find yourself someone that can’t get enough of your quirkiness.
And I mean dating apps suck but I’ve met some great people on Tinder of all places. It’s probably the worst of them all, but really the only one with a big enough userbase in my country. It’s a pure numbers game. Even 1% is a big number if you swipe thousands upon thousands of profiles over time. Or join groups for whatever hobby you’re most passionate about. Discord servers will do even. It’s 2026. There’s probably babies out there whose GRANDPARENTS met playing vidya. Nothing to be ashamed of.
Just do yourself a favour and start reducing the filter as soon as possible when talking to a potential romantic interest, whether it’s in real life or online. They might find you more interesting that way anyway and you also won’t get stuck wasting your time on someone who doesn’t like the real you.
TBH, at this point the original me is long dead. I am my masks.
Further, there are legitimately elements of my personality that I don’t even share with family. The only place I open myself up is arguably on the internet. I’m a bitter, mean, terrified, self loathing, and arrogant person on the inside. Benevolent in many respects materially perhaps, willing to give time and energy and resources to my friends and family. But on a emotional level I’m a walking festering clump of scar tissue that I cannot dare share with people without bringing about discomfort or even revulsion from them.
Be single for as long as I have and you’d realize that being in a bad relationship is at least a life experience. Being single is hollow. Its empty.
A big reason I’ve been single for so long is I’ve been on autopilot and focusing on personal projects, but I’ve essentially missed so many chances due to my obliviousness as a result. Now that I’m hyper fixated on finding someone, I’ve gotten multiple chances and slowly gotten better at the "game’. I’m getting closer, I can feel it. I am miserable doing this “project” though, but that misery will pass once I either find someone or fully give up. I don’t do things half ass. Its all or nothing.
To be frank, I need to experience a bad relationship that lasts longer than a week and that isn’t just a hook up situation. I need the bad experience. I need to fail faster. If the relationship ends up being good, great. But I’ll be glad to feel anything.
I’m using the apps. I definitely despise them, but I’m using them.
I used to think so too. Then I had a properly abusive partner. Mentally, physically, financially. I’ve since come to realize that being in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship is not worth it. And that you need to find meaning in your life BEFORE you can be happy in a relationship.
Hmm, perhaps you’re right. Just try to remember that good relationships can exist too, even if you run into several bad ones. Otherwise the bad will consume you.
I’m sorry to hear that. I hope you are doing better.
I don’t believe in a meaning in the first place. Just experiences & seeking contentment.
Also, I have plenty of things I’m into, but I tend to hyper focus on projects. And if I’m focused on something other than seeking a relationship, I seem to be incredibly bad at picking up signals and chances.
Now that I’m hyper fixated on the dating/hook-up/relationship hunt, I notice I’m excellent at it. I’m just kind of miserable doing anything else that I previously enjoyed because I normally enjoy a lot of solo activities and my brain is constantly haunting me with “Shouldn’t you be out looking for a partner?” constantly.
Its not so much that I need a partner to be whole, its that I need a steady partner so I can close out this “project” of mine. I may end up closing it out with a fail state eventually, and I’ll be upset but I’ll be able to live with that because at least I tried. There is a sort of soft end point in mind.
I’m poly/ENM, don’t believe in “destined love” or Victorian/classic romance, and value my sovereignty a lot. I’m not seeking to own someone or have them own me. I’m simply seeking deep and long lasting love. I’m what you could describe as “Theriromantic” or “Paleoromantic” but those are not terms unfortunately. There is a very low risk of a bad relationship consuming me to the point that I risk being stuck in one.