Most people are good. Most people forget to be kind to others sometimes.

Some people forget to be kind to others more. I kinda don’t like that.

Some people need to cause others discomfort to feel like they are in control of their lives. I dislike that.

Some people feel that they have the right to or even should cause others discomfort because they have some kind of birthright granted by their religion, how aggressive their ancestors were, or some perception that they’ve worked harder than others. I feel that such people should either be rigorously reeducated or in some way removed from access to other humans entirely.

two things.

1. how they treat other people
2. what they don’t say

first one is pretty easy. don’t treat other people like pieces of shit, or you’re a piece of shit.

second one, when they see something happening that is wrong and do nothing. you’re a piece of shit.

I believe people can be good in different ways. I had a friend who had some batshit insane religious beliefs (Baptist), like she said it was worse to kill yourself than someone else, because then you couldn’t repent. But she would do anything for a friend, I had an emergency and she kept my kids even though she had a job interview, as an example. So she was good in actions and I’d argue evil in beliefs.

I have a coworker who is so mean & cutting, complains relentlessly about her husband, prickly person but does a great job at her job, loves her dog, and is great to work with because she Gets Shit Done. Is she good? Bad ?

I guess my bottom line criteria is can you care about others in at least some way, so empathy or sympathy is what makes it possible to be good.

One of my tests as I’ve grown older is whether or not that person is capable of treating someone else’s children as their own.

Both my father and step father did, so I didn’t realize how rare of an attribute this is, nor did I realize how evil not having this attribute can make some seemingly good people behave.

It’s all about empathy. If they lack empathy or kindness then fuck them. I don’t want them in my life and I prefer not to interact with them.

Everyone will name some virtue they consider themselves to possess, and then use that to judge someone else.

I do the same thing almost everyone else in here actually does. I ask, ‘how much are they like me?’ Because, we all think of ourselves as being a good person. If I’m shocked and repulsed by something they do, because I wouldn’t do that, then they are a “bad” person.

A few will say the opposite, “If they don’t do what I do, then they’re better than me, so they’re probably a ‘good’ person.” Because to those few, self-depreciation makes them a “good” person.

How do they treat those that are “beneath” them? Customer service workers, pets, kids, etc. Anyone that they should have some sort of authority over.

I determine it by analyzing their attitude, behaviour, body language, their personal beliefs.

Heh. I assume everyone is a bad person unless they immensely prove that they aren’t. they can’t do lots of drugs, lead chaotic lives, be anti-intellectual, be a gossip, be greedy, a control freak, have an immoral job, use religion as a cudgel, have no integrity, be overly optimistic, have lots of kids, etc. etc.

Easy. By what they say and do.

I assume everyone is good by default, and I’ll usually let a tasteless joke slide once, because we all occasionally put our foot in mouth.

If their actions and words don’t mesh with my own moral compass, they aren’t a person I associate with any more than necessary.

Their ability to return their shopping cart to the corral

How people behave towards animals is a really big one for me. If someone doesn’t like cats or dogs or any sort of critters for any reason other than a traumatic childhood attack memory I assume something is deeply wrong with them. I realize plenty of bad people don’t hate animals, but I assume if you do then you can’t be good.

If society was only copies of this person, would it be better or worse to live in than current society?

By how they talk about people who aren’t part of the conversation. Someone focuses a lot on heaping contempt on former coworkers and romantic partners, it’s a bad sign.

Their levels of empathy, their relationship with their own ego, and, similarly, their levels of selfishness / egotistic/ egocentric. That’s the core that drives, they’ll make decisions on who to betray from that core, with no care for others, they become quite dangerous to be around. That said something people are good at pretending they have empathy and aren’t egocentric, but if you wait and watch, pretend always has cracks to see through. And i don’t mean small moments of overwhelm. I mean, polar opposite behaviours that seem outside their morals, when not in an extreme emotion. You will usually see little things around the edges, and your instinct is to excuse it away, because it doesn’t fit the narrative, don’t do that bit. Little things around the edges might look like casually stealing, possibly just small things, sometimes even from friends, jealousy or a hatred for someone for no apparent reason other than they’re good at something the person in question is, too. Wanting a lot of attention, without giving anyone else room in the spotlight, or giving less and less room for others in the spotlight, until it’s all about them. Passing blame, it’s always someone elses fault, or excuses for everything they do that they feel are a reason to be able to do the poor behaviour, rather than taking responsibility, learning and growing. Unable to metabolise failure, at all. If you look up fixed and growth mindset, (Carol Dweck) narcissistic types, always have a fixed mindset. Where they’re Unable to utilise mistakes or failures to learn and grow, and believe that you are inherently born good at things or not, rather than practice at anything making you able to be an expert at something.

I cannot remember the reference right now, but it’s said that anyone can become “genius” level at something, if they just put 7 years of practice into it. “Bad” people, practice being like everyone else, they are very good at learning what you want to see, and mirroring that, for a time, it’s not something anyone can hold up for very long, but that said, I’ve seen it held up for a year, odd, at times.

If you wait, don’t get enmeshed with someone too quickly, they usually try to move fast to enmesh you, and remember that a lot of what you see in anyone around you, is what your brain imagines is there, you put a “persona” on people, all people. What’s in everyone is a complex mix of a different set of morals, and emotional maturity, privilege and perspective of the world that’s shaped by their unique upbringing, surroundings and environment. Even two siblings can have very different upbringing, surroundings and environment. And everyone has bad and good, in them. What you need to assess is the harm they could or do cause you and what you need to do to keep safe, keeping in mind that psychological, emotional and verbal abuse, are as harmful as physical abuse. And then decide what level of involvement is safe for you.