It’s a trap. Like in the famous documentary, ‘The Santa Clause’, if you examine the crash site the drivers body will disappear and YOU will become the Door Dasher, and be required to fulfill all of their commitments.
“your Dasher has died in a collision but here’s a pin drop in the chance you can collect your order from the wreckage”
“sEnD fLoWeRs tO yOuR dAsHeR’s hOsPiTaL rOoM” 💀
0.3 what away from me? Miles? Kilometers? Meters? Units matter - I’m not driving to the other side of town just to pick up a bloody pizza.
bloody pizza
It said it might be damaged. We don’t know how bad the accident was and how much blood was involved
If you can’t be bothered to step out of your comfort zone and travel .3 AU to pick up your food, I don’t know what to tell you. Maybe you want the crippled driver to spoon feed it to you.
(/s, obviously)
Obviously nautical miles
0.3 volleyballs away
0.3 Hamburgers of course!
Parsecs, obviously.
According to Star Wars, Parsec is a measure of time not distance
They retconned it to mean that the Kessel Run was close to a black hole so you couldn’t go near unless very fast and agile, so most ships had to take a longer route, so parsecs became distance again
the dasher delivering your flowers to the previous dasher’s hospital room, has gotten into an accident
I actually had this happen once. Dasher got in an accident
The app just showed his car going in circles around the point he crashed
Probably hit a fairground carousel
I hate capitalism.
I wonder what % of people seeing this think it’s real? People really gotta keep an eye on the community and understand what shitposting means
I mean, I saw the community, yet I had to think of it.
It’s “nottheonion” adjacent.
Regardless of if it’s real or not. I wouldn’t even fucking bat one eye at doordash for doing something like this.
But no one using doordash would ever go and actually collect the item to confirm if it’s real anyways so it’s moot.
Needs instructions for in person pickup.
“Your dasher wears a medical bracelet identifying his next of kin. To expedite access to the crime scene to retrieve your order (1x bagel bites, 4x lubricant and 1x grain alcohol) dash++ members can unlock this name to then pose as a direct relation when authorities ask.”
I’m not going outside in this weather. Especially if I have to put pants on. They should just send a second driver to pull my Arby’s out of the burning wreckage and finish the delivery without me having to tell them.
The last time I used doordash Uber eats whatever was 2019 and one day it was raining hard so I went outside to meet the delivery person at their car and they thanked me 😄
Grim
nO tIp No TrIp 😂
The application let’s you send flowers to your “dasher’s” hospital room
Taking about dystopian.
We don’t care about that motherfucker that damn near killed himself and inconvenienced us, but hey, that’s why we do the gig thing so we don’t have to insure them! But hey, YOU totally should send him flowers!
There is an artist around who spoofs the big app interfaces to make these even worse thought experiments. I’m guessing it’s one of his or hers. Unfortunately I don’t remember the name / handle.
Here I found him, Soren.
https://sorens.beehiiv.com/p/doordash-accident-order-recovery
0.3 away
Away what? Apples? Eggs?
I accidentally 0.3 away. Is this dangerous?
Liters
.3 of a delivery, duh.
As in, they were .7 of the way done when they crashed.
Denny’s
Texas AveMiles.
Yep. Looks like College Station, Texas.
Jfc yeah name a road after your state.
Although there’s an Uruguay Avenue in Montevideo so 🤷
I like the Moscow/Saint Petersburg system, wherein they both have avenues/highways named after the other city, leading to said city.
Most of New England is named that way too. The problem is that the same road ends up with 2 names depending on which direction or end you are in.
Got luck getting an ambulance dispatched to the right place (in my unfortunate experience).
0.3 away from yous
0.3 “inspect element”s away from you
