I’m 23 years old, but I look 14. I always looked younger than my age, even when I was in school. I’m 167 cm, which is the standard female height where I live, so I guess it’s my face, something with the shape of the bones, I dont know. I am sincerely convinced that this is the main reason why men have never approached me. I’m also quite socially awkward and not very pretty, but that’s usually not a problem for other girls, so I think it all comes down to my child-like features. I’ve never seen men look at me with desire, or that they’ve ever been shy when talking to me. I feel completely desexualized and lonely and I suffer so much because of it. This problem sounds so stupid and absurd, but that’s what I’m dealing with… At the very least, it’s probably worth being glad that men aren’t so attracted to childish features in reality…

Sorry if this post is too messy, I don’t feel well while I’m writing this.

  • Bigfishbest@lemmy.world
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    17 days ago
    1. That must be quite frustrating and difficult for your self esteem.

    2. You may be right, but you might be putting your own insecurities on to the motivations of others. The world from other people’s perspective don’t always align with what we think. Could what you describe be as easily explained by something else, perhaps even your insecurity about it?

    3. Have you discussed this issue with friends / family and gotten their honest thoughts? Do they agree that what you say could pose a problem?

    4. Have you attempted to make yourself look older with makeup and such? Are the results the same with as without?

    5. Do you have male friends you can ask if you are attractive?

    6. Are there republican conventions nearby? If the men there show interest and say you’re mature for your age, you may want to A. Run B. Conclude that your features may be a challenge.

    7. If men don’t approach and talk to you, try approaching and talking to them. Showing you’re interested and available is usually a turn on. Men are simple.

    Best of luck.

  • Mothra@mander.xyz
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    17 days ago

    Hello, woman here. I wouldn’t chalk it first hand to child like features. As long as you don’t have an elbow growing from your forehead, and as long as you bathe regularly you should be alright physically. You get a pass so to speak. By all means keep doing whatever you feel is the right thing to do about your looks, but don’t put all the energy there.

    I’d say it’s more your attitude, since you mention being socially awkward. I speak as someone who faced similar woes to yours, with the aggravant of being told to be attractive.

    If you keep to yourself most people will let you be and not bother you. Guys will hit on girls they can talk to and feel comfortable talking to.

    My suggestion would be join a group or activity that you enjoy. Bonus points if it is a group activity, but don’t let this restrict your options. This gives you access to people with similar interests, which already breaks down the ice, and also gives you something to talk about yourself if you meet people elsewhere. It’s helpful when socializing if you have something other than work and study in your life, like a hobby or a passion.

    • alina@lemmy.worldOP
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      17 days ago

      Many people tell me that I look too young, it was difficult for me to find a job because of this, and I regularly encounter disrespect and distrust. Thanks for the advice though, maybe I’m exaggerating, sometimes I’m too exhausted to think straight.

  • serpineslair@lemmy.world
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    17 days ago

    Just pluck up the courage to hit on guys… 80% of men will find that in of itself attractive, especially the more shy ones. As another comment said, men are fucking simple.

  • GuyFawkesV@lemmy.world
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    17 days ago

    Is there anything you can do to make yourself look your age? Makeup, clothing, push-up bra, etc? Maybe go to age restricted locations (for example, in the U.S. there are some bars that require patrons to be at least 18/21 and they check ID’s at the door to verify)?

    • snek_boi@lemmy.ml
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      17 days ago

      This. I’ve seen something relatively similar in my partner. They work with all kinds of people, sometimes people in their 40s, 50s, or beyond. These people, unfortunately, often don’t take my partner seriously. However, this changes when my partner appears older by using old-looking makeup, hair style, and clothes.

  • ChonkyOwlbear@lemmy.world
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    17 days ago
    1. Visible tattoos. Have to be off legal age to get a tattoo, right?

    2. Talk to them. Even if it’s awkward, it’s practice.

  • gibmiser@lemmy.world
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    17 days ago

    Ever try hanging out at a crowded bar? Anywhere where you have to show id to enter should help.

    Also, do you have female friends? You should be hanging out with them and doing things where you meet people as a group.

      • gibmiser@lemmy.world
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        17 days ago

        I would say your lack of friends is probably more pressing of an issue and likely related to your lack of relationship experience.

        I offer you the same advice as for men. Work on friendships before you worry about intimate relationships. Friends can become relationships, but ideally they don’t and instead you meet people through friends who can vouch for you to their friends that your not psycho or a waste of someone’s time.

  • zxqwas@lemmy.world
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    17 days ago

    First of all you may be right or wrong about the reason. But you can’t really change looking young (other than by sitting around and waiting, which is not very fun). So you’ll get a lot of mileage by coming to terms with what you look like. For your own peace of mind if nothing else.

    You can artificially change your looks to a limited degree with makeup. I’m no expert.

    Are you putting yourself into positions where it’s socially acceptable and/or easy for men to approach you? Are you looking like you want to be approached? Headphones on while reading in the library makes me think you’ll want me dead if I say hi. Near me at the table at a social gathering it’s rude of me not to introduce myself and attempt some small talk (as long as you’re not talking to your friends already).

  • DavidDoesLemmy@aussie.zone
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    16 days ago

    Guys are probably just as socially awkward as you. Maybe get in situations where you can have conversations with a group containing guys. They’ll soon pick up you’re an adult from how you talk, and you can see if you like each other as people, not just on looks.

  • nodiratime@lemmy.world
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    17 days ago

    You didn’t speak much about body composition: Have you considered going to the gym? Adding a few pounds (of muscle) never hurts anyone and it give you a few curves, I.e. a bigger bottom (width and depth) and a more pronounced waist (to hip ratio). Also, being in shape generally livens up your skin, giving you a more vibrant appearance. Also, it has to the potential to increase your self confidence.

  • shawn1122@sh.itjust.works
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    17 days ago

    It sounds like youre being limited by your self perception. That’s okay. We all are in some way, especially at your age.

    The first thing you need to do is turn your intuition inwards. You’ve put a lot of thought into how others see you but that energy be better spent exploring how you see yourself.

    Your judgement of yourself is the most constant presence in your life. Others may come and go. Some may think you look child like, some may disagree vehemently. What’s most important is how you see yourself.

    The goal is to adjust your perception a little less towards how you look and a little more towards how you feel, because the latter is as if not more important in connecting with another person.

    People can tell when a person is feeling confident / secure or scared / vulnerable. It’s possible to connect with others in many different states of mind but easier to in the former.

    I’ve met many different men and women in my life. The ones that find it easiest to find companionship are those that feel good about themselves and in some way feel good about the world. The first step is to look within, find what you love about yourself and let that be your window into everything.

  • recentSlinky@lemmy.ca
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    17 days ago

    A lot of the people here gave great advices, but i wanna add a comment. Based on my experiences with the women in my life, most (if not all sometimes) insecurities stem from projection. Which is sadly a problem that amplifies itself.

    It’s not an easy mentality to overcome though but i find knowing this fact, and thinking about it whenever your brain gets all those bad thoughts, can be a good defence. At least it makes it easier to try or start to overcome your insecurities.

    Good luck :)

  • daggermoon@lemmy.world
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    16 days ago

    Try talking to them, keep a conversation going long enough they’ll realize they’re talking to an adult. Talking and making connections is the most important thing.