I mean as in Spy x Family. Everyone has a secret they hide from everyone else, even their closest people.

Do you think real life is like that?

  • Aeao@lemmy.world
    191·
    4 days ago

    What’ll really blow you’re mind is when you realize we aren’t even honest with ourselves either.

    Your mask you show to others is no more fake than the mask you show to yourself.

  • Smoogs@lemmy.worldEnglish
    4·
    3 days ago

    Haven’t watched but going by your description alone : absolutely and I think it’s necessary.

    Your closest person could be ok with most topics except for a few that maybe you talk to a therapist about as this person would incredibly sensitive with said topics to the point they’d have a meltdown or have very limited experience and start giving terrible and/or biased advice on. And maybe you care about all the other aspects about this person enough that you just save it for the therapist. EG: family trauma, mental illness, etc. and the therapist relationship, while different and not as deep, it can functionally overlap these missing parts and give you what you need to share it.

    Or maybe that person does understand but can’t find the right language and say it in the way you need or want to hear it. Or you could have issues trying to share your perspective. Again: what a trained therapist can help you with.

    And that is fair. I think we need to understand and respect the limitations of the people we love and respect our own boundaries about such topics. There’s only so far you can stretch a person or the relationship with them. It’s healthy to recognize this.

    It’s also important to realize that no one other person on earth is going to be your entire witness of your life. Especially when they are already witnessing their own life. Equally: You are your full witness. This is your journey. You’re just sharing part of your ride with other people.

    • belit_deg@lemmy.world
      1·
      3 days ago

      Very interesting read on tatemae and honne, thanks for the link. Always love it when I discover that some culture has a word for a familiar concept/thing

    • Voidian@lemmy.dbzer0.com
      1·
      2 days ago

      It’s not ADHD. It’s literally everyone. There is no such thing as a true self. That’s just what Disney movies and belief in souls brainwashed us to think.

    • jj4211@lemmy.world
      2·
      2 days ago

      I’m wondering to what extent some self diagnosed neurodivergent people experience normal, but generally unacknowledged mental experiences and think they must be weird, otherwise it would be talked about more.

      As others point out in the thread, this is generally written up as a universal experience of people.

  • solarvector@lemmy.dbzer0.com
    71·
    4 days ago

    The person you don’t show others is no more your “true self” than the one you do. It’s still you, existing in that moment, responding to your environment, whether it’s your deepest emotions or your best mask.

    • nelly_man@lemmy.worldEnglish
      1·
      3 days ago

      Yeah, I like to think of out more as a spotlight than a mask. You’re choosing which aspects of yourself to draw attention to rather than hiding yourself behind a persona.

      That is, unless we’re talking about the masking that neurodivergent people talk about wherein they put conscious effort into hiding their essential nature in order to fit in.

    • Voidian@lemmy.dbzer0.com
      2·
      2 days ago

      This. Exactly this. But because Christian Capitalism needs us to be individuals, being “nothing” must be characterized as a negative.

      The only fucking reason people experience the emptiness under all the masks as a negative is because they’ve been conditioned to think there’s supposed to be something there.

      Yet the emptiness is the experience of literally everyone who bothers to look. And it is a relief. You’re not anyone, you’re not “supposed” to be one way or another. There’s just an exchange with everything in existence and you can just respond as called in any given situation.

  • Sarah@lemmy.world
    4·
    4 days ago

    I think everyone has about 3 “versions” of themselves.

    One version for work. One for family. One for friends and partners.

    The work version is the least honest because so much is unacceptable to say at work and people self-censor a lot. Say the wrong things and you will get meetings, write ups and maybe fired. Everybody gives their boss to much information at least one time and learns why you don’t do that.

    The friends and partners version is normally the most honest version and can be completely genuine for some. Good friends can be trusted to keep secrets and don’t judge.

    Family is normally in the middle but this depends. If the family was incredibly old fashioned, conservative or religious then maybe a person would need to self-censor even more than they do at work?

  • biscuitswalrus@aussie.zone
    3·
    4 days ago

    People have different facets. The way I interact with my partner for ten years is different to my close friends I’ve had for 20, different to my co-workers, different to my family. But my family and friends and co-workers see how I act with my partner.

    I mimic people to some extent treating them similarly how they treat me. There are limits though, I’m bounded on that scale by my personal values which mature as I do. So I’m still never going to act outside the bounds of my morality and values, but I’ll still treat my partner with unconditional love, and my friends with the best times and silly jokes.

    These I don’t consider masks, but not everyone sees me the same. They’re just facets.