My age says I’m an adult but sometimes I think other people know more about being an adult than me.
Well I mean, we’re all just mostly LARPing this whole adult thing, right?
I’m in my 50s and actually still LARPing, and playing TTRPGs, and MMORPGs. No need to grow up for anyone else’s sake as long as you’re not harming others.
When I was little, I thought I would grow out of playing video games, as in I have a very specific memory of sitting in my 1st grade math class and just making that observation to myself. I was a 90s kid surrounded by baby boomer adults who largely were not gamers, so I just assumed one day I’d grow out of it.
On the positive side, I learned that you don’t have to give up your imagination when you grow up. I came up with elaborate make-believe worlds as kids are wont to do, and merely started adding lore and continuity and documentation when I got older. You don’t need to be writing a sci-fi novel or DMing a homebrew D&D campaign to do it, either. I worldbuild for the mere joy of pretending, or to dignify it with Tolkien’s words sub-creation.
I’ve been GMing “Tales from the Loop” lately and having an absolute blast with it! Everyone in the group is 40s-50s, but totally gets into it. Never stop “playing,” whatever that means to you.
Lightning bolt, lightning bolt!
I’m out of mana!
No. I’m not.
but i like and enjoy my life. i don’t regard it as a burden to escape from.
Neither am I, I just think I shouldn’t be allowed to but a house or rent a car or use a chainsaw or raise a child unsupervised. That’s something grown-ups do, not me (40yo).
that sounds like a massive lack of self-confidence.
none of those things are difficult. most people do them on auto pilot. you are thinking way too much.
you also falsely assume there is a ‘correct’ way to do these things and you will do it ‘wrong’. there isn’t.
i used to teach. biggest thing most people have to get over is their pre conception of a ‘right’ way to do things. there is only really what works for you, it only doesn’t work if you aren’t able to attain your goals.
like i meet people who think the only ‘correct’ way to have a child to make sure that child gets into Harvard… otherwise their child will be a failure at life. those people are idiots. the kid will be perfectly fine going to a state school, and maybe even not going to college at all…
Yeah but there’s also a massive subset of people making horrible children because they shouldn’t be parents in the first place. Its unfortunate but it happens.
according to who, you?
the thing about other people’s actions is you don’t get to police them. plenty of people probably think your actions are horrible, stupid, and wrong.
According to me, for one. You seem to not understand your own privilege, or you’d be aware of the countless unwanted, unloved children born to parents who do not give a fuck that the world then exploits relentlessly until they manage to remove themselves from the abuse cycle or are dead. The foster system is full of them, and so are the prisons. Ever heard of the school to prison pipeline? It’s a thing, and while many of those parents are simply disadvantaged but otherwise loving, many others are worse. Far worse, apparently, than you can acknowledge.
So according to me, a person with skin in this particular game, if a parent is unable or unwilling to see potential offspring as vulnerable little humans in need of protection, nurture, and provision until such time as they can manage on their own, they should not be parenting. And honestly, if a parent or would-be parent sees children as means to an end, things to use or worse, to sell, then “judging” them is quite frankly the least bad thing that should happen to them.
I’m glad you enjoy your life. But your kind of life is not the only life being lived. You are privileged beyond your own awareness.
You said it better than me.
Apparently Tubular has not seen the massive amount of horrible parents and by result, children.
Not judging anyone, people can do what they want. But a lot of people do not step back to take in the gravity of the situation when discussing bringing new humans into this world.
so what do you propose, sterilizing people who dont pass your litmus test?
frankly, i’ve had people scream at me my parents should have never had be because my parents were not rich and could not buy me nice things and pay for my college and graduate degrees for me. i had to pay for them myself. where i live people think that is child abuse and horrible and wrong. should we require that only people with massive wealth be able to have kids then?
wow yeah, what a loser i am. i should have been lucky enough to have parents that beat the shit out of me who were also poor. i’d be such a better person!
my point is your argument is stupid and draconian, and ultimately unenforcable. it’s merely a product of your own self-righteousness and need to control how others live their lives. if i had kids i’d force them to get jobs, just like i did. in your world that would be abusive parenting, probably. and i’d judge the shit out of them if they refused to work or were losers who didn’t contribute positively to society.
Our parents were faking knowing what they were doing, just like we are.
Yup, everyone in the world is just winging it. Everyone.
I’m in my 40s and I still don’t get it. I keep asking myself when my life as an independent adult who has my own place to live and access to decent transportation will begin.
why don’t you have those things?
i’ve had those things since i was 18.
- I have a disability that prevents me from driving and makes it difficult to find employment without strong inside connections or outside of a few very specific niches.
- I live in a very large, pedestrian-hostile city.
- While my grandfather, who lacked a college education, could afford to buy a house and feed a stay-at-home wife and 8 children, I, who have no dependents and have two college degrees, cannot afford an apartment in a location that fits my needs.
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sure. any city that would be friendly do you would be ultra expensive. i have a two bed condo that would get me mansion in some other cities. but i would never give up the walkability and public transit.
not sure what your grandfather has to do with it, but OK. COL will only continue to skyrocket the next couple of decades.
not sure what your grandfather has to do with it, but OK. COL will only continue to skyrocket the next couple of decades.
The cost of living is exactly why I brought up my grandfather.
We (millennials and younger) were sold a bill of goods by our baby boomer parents.
“Go to college,” they said, “and you’ll get a good job that will put a roof over your head and food on the table.” We looked at them, with their bachelor’s degrees and owned houses and car-filled garages and hope for the future, and we believed them because everything we experienced during the halcyon days of the 90s reinforced that idea. But just as we were getting ready to graduate, the great recession hit, pulling the rug out from under us.
Do I blame them? No. They said that because it worked for them and they honestly thought it would work for us. But that doesn’t make me feel any less bitter.
ladies and gentlemen… “The problem”
I feel like I came at this from another direction. In my twenties I cut my foot pretty bad on a rusty screw so I went to the hospital and got stitches. The doctor didn’t prescribe me an antibiotic and I foolishly thought “oh they’re a doctor, I must not need one!” I of course got a pretty bad infection within a few days that required me to be on IV antibiotics for several days. I’m lucky I didn’t need any debridement or worse. I learned through that experience that nobody knows what the fuck is going on and you cannot count on “adults” because we generally know fuck-all.
people make mistakes. doctors are imperfect.
Yeah, that was the point of my story…
Adults are just large children. Accept this and move on. You will never understand anything, really. Those that seem to are just pretending.
There’s a reason terms like “man child” exist. And sayings like “boys never grow up”. 😂
When I was a kid, my family made fun of my uncle pretty often with the expression “the only difference between men and boys is the price of their toys”. I’m in my 40s now and holy shit were they right…
I feel like adding a positive experience to contrast the more negative comments (including my own). The summer I graduated high school was perhaps one of the best times in my life. I really, truly felt that I had my whole life ahead of me.
I spent all of June training with my first guide dog. The clearest memory I have of realizing I was finally an adult was when we were flying home after training. I was sitting at the gate, my new dog lying quietly under my chair, my feet resting slightly forward into the walkway to accommodate her, my head filled with future plans and possibilities. I thought about how I would provide a loving home for this carefully bred, meticulously vetted, and rigorously trained canine that this organization had entrusted me with. I imagined our first semester of college together. I hadn’t gotten into my first choice school or major but that was OK; I had a backup plan and was looking forward to it. A kid ran past me, pulling me out of my thoughts, then I heard his mother say “Watch out for that man’s foot.” That’s it. I was a “man” not a “boy” or a “kid” or a “child”. The world saw me as an adult. The future may not have turned out how I thought, but in that moment, I was exactly who I wanted to be, doing exactly what I wanted to do, exactly where I was supposed to be, and man it felt good.
feeling you are responsible for something other than yourself is a huge motivator that a lot of young people lack these days, and probably a huge disconnect why so many people are unhappy and anxious.
but then again when you propose people get involved in a deeper way with something outside themselves, like volunteering, they tell you to f off they don’t have the time. and yet they whine about how all they do is sit at home.
you can’t have the rewards without the responsibilities. I’ve always wanted children because i know that would be a lot of work/responsibility, but it would also make my life more than about my own personal goals and achievements. sadly i have never found a partner who felt the same way, mostly just people who thought children would detract from their own personal hedonistic fulfillment. which made we realize we were not compatible, because my life is and never was about personal hedonistic fulfillment.
When I turned 18 and my grandmother was in her 80s, she told me, “I still feel exactly like I did when I was your age.”
I asked if that meant she was frustrated by how slowly she moved (she used a rollator by that point), and she confirmed it did.
You’ll never really feel like an adult, but your body will keep on aging anyway. And you’ll never really get used to that, either.
You’re fine, some days I barely feel human let alone adult. I imagine the overwhelming majority are faking it till they make it. It’s one of those clichés that’s cliché for a reason.
I’ve always felt like a kid and told myself I wouldn’t grow up.
Still the same. I think having a somewhat traumatized childhood also makes you want to live as a child freely again.
Also not having kids helps. I can do anything I want and make my own schedule.
I never understood boring old people. Ill be doing projects and having adventures until im 80.
most people don’t want or need projects and adventures. they want to relax and do nothing in their spare time.
And this is why i argue we cant have UBI, or most people wont do jack shit and the utilities will get shut down 😅
I have times where I want to be lazy. But it doesn’t last long and then im on to the next thing. And I consider myself low energy compared to the shit I see my friends getting done!
i think people’s need for social competition means UBI would be a wash really. as in it wouldn’t really change much.
Potentially
This is a good and a bad thing.
There is no dividing line between when you’re young/middle aged/old. It doesn’t exist. I remember being 10. I remember being 20. I remember being 30. I remember being 40. I am still the same sentient entity I was at all those ages.
There is no reason to assign any “age group” to yourself. Be the age you feel inside.
I’m 42, and I feel like I’m cosplaying and LARPing as an adult. I’m able to convince everyone but myself.
Mortage, kids, and a pretty nice career is my equivalent of a fursuit - something to hide behind in an effort to find acceptance from likeminded.
that sounds miserable.
I’m almost 50 and had to look up DAE 🤷 It turns out that it is an abbreviation for 48 meanings!
I figured it stands for Does Anyone Else but what has clearly changed as I grew older is, how tired I am of abbreviations
I totally agree with the abbreviations.
Many of the traits of childhood are wonderful and you should cling to them. Sense of wonder and curiosity, goofiness, don’t take yourself too seriousky, adventure, physicality, etc.
I think I get what you’re saying, that sometimes one wonders if relative to some of your peers of you’re “achieving” enough. That’s a trickier question because some introspection from this is good.
- Are you truly content?
- Is your future somewhat secured? (forward-thinking with finances, career, health). Or are you doing the more reckless Yolo teenage thing? (this aspect of being a child, especially if one has kids, I’d say isn’t good lol).
What if you’re just staggering through because life won’t stop shitting on your family? Every time we get above water something else catastrophic happens. Couldn’t even get our kitchen and bathrooms fixed from water damage with the paltry insurance payment we got and then the basement ceiling and imsulation got soaked from external water. No way can we report that to insuramce because they will drop us and we’ll be fucked into a higher rate. Don’t use State Farm. Cunts.
Oh yeah, and the floors we paid to have redone 3 years ago? Already buckling and peeling. Warranty replacement has been in process for over a month now but at least there’s a glimmer of hope we’ll get something from it.
I’ve started making claim email chains with the state ombudsman cc’d in the first email. Saves so much time.
Will that help with not getting dropped should we file a nee claim?
I know I’m mature. I know I’m put into positions of responsibility. I still feel like a teenager.
You don’t have an insight into other people’s minds so you attribute their behavior and decisions to some knowledge you don’t have but they do.
This is a fake feeling caused by lack of information. Everyone is improvising life.Some reading as introduction to the cause of the phenomenon:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attribution_biasyep. it’s like when people think my IT/coding skills are ‘magic’.
they aren’t… they are a product of learning and failing and learning… effort.
i also notice people think like some 12 year old who is really good at something is magically gifted… 99.9% of the time it’s because they are already been doing it for a decade. all my professionally level musician friends started learning music at like 2 or 3. most kids don’t learn until like 12, so those ‘gifted’ kids have a decade of experience already.
just like when i took calc 3 at 30 and my class had a bunch of 15 year olds in it. those 15 year olds in it they weren’t geniuses. they just had more experience and knowledge than me and parents who pushed them. many of them probably would go on to graduate college in 2-3 years instead of the traditional 4.
