deleted by creator

I didn’t have many big conversations with my parents, but we did have many little interactions throughout every day.

Now with my own kids, I find that I have just as many big conversations, but there aren’t as many small interactions. Everybody just has their devices and aside from sitting together at dinner, we don’t cross paths with each other as often.

Rarely as a kid, but I pushed for adult discussions when I got older because otherwise I would never talk to them and it was clear they wanted to talk to me.

They only wanted to talk about inconsequential things, which is boring so no thanks.

So whenever I talked to my mom or dad after like 25 or something, I resolved to only talk about things I was actually interested in, and to cut short inconsequential conversations and steer back to interesting topics, things I normally didn’t talk to my parents about (drugs, relationships, philosophy), and eventually one topic or another got their attention (my mom told me about smoking pot in high school), and I continue trying to be as honest as I could with them because I don’t want a relationship with someone comprised entirely of small talk, but I don’t want to ignore my parents either.

I definitely think there’s a correlation between how you’re brought up and your relationship with your parents now, my parents implicitly taught me not to bring up consequential life topics to them as a child, and I had to recognize and actively fight against that terrible lesson as an adult in order to have any sort of mature, human relationship with either of them.

Not close at all these days, mostly occasional emails, but as a kid I would often think and say that my parents are some of my best friends, we always had good times together and I’d often just step away from the computer to just go hang out with them and riff on some TV while eating dinner or whatever or see what they were up to generally and talk. Nothing but good memories there.

deleted by creator

As a kid, I spoke with my mom all the time. That frequency dropped drastically the older I got, though. She’s got a personality disorder and I tried with her, I swear I tried so fucking hard, but I finally gave up. Now she doesn’t talk to me at all, which is far less a hardship than she imagines it is.

I had a great relationship with my dad, when he was around. He was my respite from my mother, but his relationship with her left its scars on him, too. They almost split up for a while, and I’ve never seen him happier. But now, for some unfathomable reason, they’re back together, he’s back to drinking, and he’s sided with my mom and is also not speaking with me. Unlike with her, I’m actually sad to not have him around, but trying to reason with alcoholic logic isn’t helpful (or a good time) for anyone.

So yeah, I think there’s far more to being close with your parents than simply the frequency of conversations, though maybe that plays a role.

Hm. This is a great question.

I have always been a chatty guy, despite it sometimes causing me grief of one kind or another. While I don’t specifically have memories of conversations with my folks (when I was young), I no doubt had them.

That said, I’ve also always been a widely misunderstood person (at least to my mind); I never seemed to conform to people’s expectations (even today to a degree). I have developed severe trust issues because of this, especially among my family bloodline; as such, I have cut off all communication with everyone on my side of the family* — even if they never actually hurt me (sorry Egg!!).

* By this, I mean I do not talk to anyone older than me in my family (I am the youngest); I do however go to great lengths to talk to my children every day; even if it’s about nothing in particular. I also do not shy away from sharing stories of my childhood, or how they’ve affected me, as I firmly believe that they deserve the truth, and also should learn from my (and my family’s) mistakes. Suffice it to say, I do believe that my children are doing much better in life than I ever did when I was their age, so maybe it’s working.🤞

I think personality compatibility has more to do with that relationship. I have very little emotional empathy, but plenty of cognitive empathy. I do not have narcissism like my parents and I am capable of independent thought and questioning dogma. All of this is totally incompatible with my family.

I don’t talk to my folks because everything is negative feedback and sadism.

I was not close with my mom, I was close with my dad but he died when I was 16. My relationship with her was ok when I was grown, she liked my kids and was a pretty good grandma for someone busy with a job. But we were not close.

My kids talk to me more as high schoolers and young adults, they ask for advice, discuss things, we are a lot closer, though the ones who moved away don’t call much (like I texted one of them to ask if I’d pissed her off, it was so long, but she is just too much like me and so neither of us called, lol) but - the kids are all close with each other and I think that matters more in the long run.