This is becoming more common in my town. I just either feel like an ass saying I dont have cash, or lying, but I also can’t be giving out 20’s to everyone who asks.
I feel bad for most of them but at the same time I get anxiety walking down the sidewalk and seeing someone up ahead that I know is going to ask me for money. Its not like you can say “oh no, I donate to services that help the needy” because that person isn’t necessarily being helped by that. And ignoring completely feels so mean, plus I tried that one time and the person was screaming at me as i walked away that I ignored them.
I also dont want my city to round them up and send them to prison camps, something they are planning and that I know a lot of people would vote for just to “get rid of them” but im not supporting that at all.
Its tough.
I wonder if the people saying they give money every time live in major cities (and walk often).
If I gave a quarter to everyone who asked me for change, I’d be out over $200 per year. Double that if they’re still going to ask me on my way back (which is likely).
Some of them would also be rolling their eyes at a quarter. Some panhandlers can even become aggressive if they don’t like what they get.
I’m not going to say that these people are going to waste the money on drugs, though some will (and I don’t care what they do with the money, really). But I’d rather…
- Donate that money to food banks and other causes
- Not carry around unnecessary change
- Not risk pulling out my wallet in the city (in case I forget to keep the change handy)
- And NOT turn city sidewalks into tolled walkways for people who can’t afford a car
As for what I do? I do the hand thing and apologize. I make eye contact (or at least look their way). If they ask again, I tell them I don’t have anything. There’s no reason to feel shame for not giving. Like someone else said, it’s a numbers game.
If there are regulars and people who are genuinely down on their luck, then (if you have the time and willingness), you could talk to them, and maybe offer to buy them food or something.
Of course, there’s always the chance that they’ll bring the food back and ask for a refund. But hey, they would’ve used your $20 the same way.
Yeah. Unfortunately it feels like the homeless situation further encourages mass car culture because youre a lot safer in there than walking at night especially if youre small or a woman.
Plus there’s the problem of literally giving them a quarter. I used to empty my pockets out for the first person I saw on my way out of work. But too often they would just throw change on the ground and get mad.
I get that they hoped for more but it is something and is what I hsd
Especially in Canada. A quarter can’t get you much of anything. You’d need 5 of them to get yourself the cheapest coffee. Probably more than one for a single piece of fruit, even.
When I was driving through an area frequently that had a large amount of homeless I’d pack a few extra sandwiches, granola bars and bottles of water to give out. I also kept gallon bags and a large bag of dog food for those who had dogs. I never once had someone turn down food and ask for money instead.
Guess it depends on your city. In my city I have literally seen a homeless person throw food back at the person who gave it to them and scream “I ASKED FOR A DOLLAR, BITCH!”
You sure this isn’t a scene in scary movie?
LMAO it literally is
Word for word lol
Probably is, but it also happened in my city. My city’s gone to meth in a real bad way.
Fair enough
I’ve seen people get angry when instead of giving money they offered to buy food.
Called the bluff about needing the money to eat, I guess.
If possible, do not give food unless it is sealed. I prefer to give out canned food with a pull tab or sealed items like protein bars and granola bars. Many unhoused people throw away open items like sandwiches given to them by random people for their own safety, and I can’t blame them
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“I’m, uh, gluten intolerant. And I don’t eat processed foods.”
Literally not even once. But keep strawmanning the homeless to make yourself feel better
Uh…I was just playing off of your last sentence, where you brought up the idea that someone could turn down food. I was imagining a scenario where someone would do that.
You can get down off your high horse if you’d like.
I had a homeless guy come up and give me a whole story about how he almost died of low blood sugar that morning. I’m a caregiver for a diabetic person, so I gave him a whole sealed package of emergency glucose tabs.
He looked it over and gave it back, said the only thing that helped his blood sugar was a certain flavor of Rockstar energy drink. He gave me a list and asked me to go buy things. It was in a Safeway parking lot, so tried to get what he asked.
They didn’t have his flavor of rockstars and they didn’t have organic raspberries, so I got conventional and a different flavor. He gave them back to me. I asked if he could give them away himself, he said it would be too much hassle.
He still asks me for stuff when I go to that Safeway, it’s his hang out. The first time after that I said “no, you were kind of a dick last time.” Now I just ignore him. I feel bad.
But, I have a hard rule for myself that if I’m going into a restaurant and someone asks me to get them some food, I get it for them. It’s often hard for them to even tell me what they want beyond “Just anything!”
Take it easy, Jesus! 😁
I say “sorry not today” or something similar but also offer food if I have it. I’ve usually got a Clif bar or something. Also nice to have emergency blankets for winter hand outs.
Edit: just remember they are people too. Regardless of their current situation. Some might have mental health issues, others maybe substance abuse problems, some might just be down on their luck and unable to find work. Treat them with the respect you would want if you were in their shoes.
I ask them to come inside the store and I’ll buy them some food.
If they decline, oh well. If they agree, I happily pay for some food for them.
Some of these encounters have broke my heart, others have just reiterated what most people assume when it comes to these things.
Been there done that. You never, ever know what’s the story behind a beggar. If I have and feel like it and I’m not in a rush I give. This is a fucked up world.
There was a time in my adult life that I was stealing water from a construction site so I could care for my ill partner after losing work and family members. I did claw out and found new work and a whole new life, but I was down that far and worse and you wouldn’t know it by looking at me now. I’m sure I was more than dirty at the time from having to walk everywhere. I uber’d a lot, but you can’t do that every day.
I came very close to asking strangers for help. I guess I did to some degree, I did ask for help on online forums specifically for that purpose, got very little response… but why does that seem “better” to so many people? Is it the eye-contact with someone you could become? Is it fear that you don’t feel the sympathy you think you should if you look at them?
Is it harder to smile at a poor or homeless person than someone getting out of their nice car? Why or why not?
These are all better questions that readers should ask themselves than try to answer here for the reactions of strangers. We really don’t ponder enough and it’s breaking everything at the seams.
Thanks for sharing. I guess some things in life you only start to acknowledge when you experience them yourself. Getting out of sync with society seems to be one of them.
If I have cash, I’ll give it. I don’t give a shit whether they’re being honest or not. My generosity is not tempered by the dishonesty of others.
My standard is to say something like “I don’t have any cash to share, good luck to you though.” I work in homeless services and know a ton of folks who survive on panhandling. In my area, people have no problem finding food, there are a ton of social service orgs and churches that provide food daily.
The following is not a judgment and is a generalization that is far from universal. This is just a description of what I commonly observe. The unfortunate reality is that much of the money people get from panhandling goes to purchasing cigarettes, alcohol, meth, K2, crack, and/or fentanyl. For this reason I avoid giving people money directly.
You don’t need to explain yourself to anyone, and if you feel bad for not giving someone money because you feel the inequality, consider donating your time or money to organizations in your area that are doing the work to help people gain employment or housing, meet their basic needs, or treat their physical or mental health needs.
i actually give to those who do not ask
like a lady in the subway, visibly mentally challenged with all her belongings, drawing and
strikingwords in her notepad. she made me sad, so i gave her a bill when leaving the train. her face became lightened when she saw it, she said thank you and I leftsometimes I leave at where they sleep like under pillow next to head
This is a great idea. Some of us are wary of being ripped off by a scammer and there are some of those. But those few scammers will likely be the most aggressive. Someone just existing in need will NOT be a scammer. This seems like a great way to be sure you’re actually helping someone who needs it
I made it a personal rule that if I have a $5, it goes to whoever asks. I don’t seek people out, but if it’s asked, and I have that five dollar bill with me, it’s theirs.
I don’t usually have cash so I say “sorry I don’t have any” and move on. I also volunteer my time with various local orgs so I don’t feel bad
Same here. I’ve occasionally followed up with “I’ll buy you a lunch” but never had a taker.
I almost never see panhandlers anymore. At least some of it is the way my routine changed with COVID but I wonder if it’s a trend. If so many people no longer carry cash that it’s not even worth it anymore
It’s not tough.
Look them in the eyes like a human being and say “sorry dude, not today”.
Alternatively just carry small amounts of cash to give to them.
Another alternative is asking them if they would like some food instead.
No matter what you do, keep in mind you are very likely a small step away from homelessness yourself.
We tried giving one guy food in Chicago. He kind of wrinkled his nose and said something like “i prefer joe’s” or something. Can’t remember the exact place. Safe to say that our generosity got stifled on that journey after that.
Am not from states.
When I was younger a person who I admired said:
“I always carry some extra money in my wallet for when someone needy asks. It’s not my place to decide if this person needs help or not. Maybe they will use the money for drugs, maybe they need the money for clothes for their children. When I die and get to the pearly gates, I don’t want to find out that I had the opportunity to help someone who needed help and I didn’t help them because I assumed they would spend the money on drugs. Maybe they will spend the money on drugs, but that’s not for me to know right now.”
I thought that was some of the most noble shit my early 20’s ass had ever heard.
Fast-forward a few years to me and my new wife honeymooning in…San Francisco. My noble naive ass brought a wallet full of cash with me so I could help people in need. Nothing terrible happened, but I soon ran out of cash and we decided to start handing out food. NOBODY WANTED THE FOOD. They just wanted the money. I would offer food, and they would just say “do you have any money?”
Anyway, nowadays I just say “sorry bro, I don’t carry cash”.
Less noble person: Always carry some extra drugs for when someone in need asks…
To be somewhat optimistic, in my experience going out to help homeless people, everyone gives food but there’s a lot of other stuff people need. Toothpaste, hand sanitizer, blankets, clothes, etc. are a lot harder to get. There’s also people who live in storage units and need money to cover that. And yeah, theres a lpt of people who just want to buy drugs, but tbh so would I if I had to deal with what they do.
If I were to become homeless, I wouldn’t be worried about finding food, I know where to go to get that, I’d be worried about everything else. Not wanting food doesn’t mean they don’t need help
This isn’t the best approach necessarily, but it’s a feel-good thing: If they’re intercepting me as I go to a store, I refuse to give money, but offer to buy them something to eat inside (or whatever else they need). I hold to those promises and they’re generally grateful.
I also sometimes give money if someone isn’t actively accosting about it. It’s down to what I can afford, too.
This is what I did when I used to work downtown and encounter them frequently. They usually tell you why they want money… usually food, but sometimes a bus ticket or gas. I always say I don’t have or won’t give you cash but let’s go and I’ll buy you what you need. More than half of them would give up and walk away when they realized you wouldn’t just give them cash. Never ended buying any gas or a bus ticket, but I did buy quite a few meals and even groceries a couple times. Most were incredibly appreciative.
If I can spare it, I share it. I used to be homeless myself and would never have gotten out of that without help. It seems to me I have an obligation to pass that on.
20s? Someone recently told me “my dad taught me to always carry some change with me, other people need it more than me” and now I’m doing it too. There really isn’t any other way to act if you pride yourself on your humanity, anything else is rationalizing selfishness. And I often hear the “they’re just gonna use it for booze/drugs!!!” line as if it meant anything. Sure, they might, but even if you’re a strict teetotaler (and if you’re in any Western country odds are you’re not, lol), what else would they do? Have you ever slept on a cold floor while hungry? People kill themselves/complain about life and they have beds, meals, narcotics and internet connections, nvm all sorts of legal drugs to help them cope with everything (something like 15 percent of women in the US are on antidepressants, according to the CDC…). Life is hard sometimes, perhaps they also need to disconnect a bit, idk.
Give when you can, don’t rationalize it when you can’t. We’re all collectively responsible for the playground God made for us and everything/one in it, but you’re also just one man/woman. Maybe they’ll turn their lives around, maybe your grain of sand will help them reach that point.
