Like usually every minute I’d quickly look around to make sure there aren’t weirdos following me.
For context: I’m a young-adult male, but I don’t exactly have training in martial arts or anything, so I’m every time I see anyone that looks “tough” I don’t feel safe.
When I was a kid, my parents told me the usual “stranger danger” talk. Also in movies and tv, there are usualy a lot of plot involving peoppe getting followed, and the victim never looks back. In crime stories, and in the news, people usually become a victim if a bad person follows them home.
So when I went to school as a kid/teen, I’d always be scanning my surroundings like very often, especially when nearing home, I’d be like looking around every 20 seconds to see if there’s weirdos following.
Even as a young adult, I kinda still have this instinct. I mean, we hear about crime everywhere. I don’t exactly live in a “slum”, but I live in a big city, and more people generally means more crime, and statistically, crime is sort of an issue where I live, I mean, it’a a city, you know how it is. This is in the US btw.
I don’t carry a gun, don’t wanna have intrusive thoughts about killing myself so I don’t want that, so I carry pepper spray just in case.
I mean, I’m probably not gonna change my behavior, I think its good to be cautious, this question is just me trying to see if there’s anyone else out there think thinks like me.
I don’t look around like I’m being followed, but I keep my head on a swivel for anything. Wild animal, car out of control, etc. seen enough videos of people getting fucked up by random things.
I’m a 6’2" guy and people only mess with me if they’re intoxicated. I’m always completely aware of my surroundings unless I’m in a crowded place that should be safe (like malls and airports).
All my sketchy encounters were on public transit, so I no longer take it in my city (transit in Denver is THE FUCKING WORST). I’ve been threatened and followed multiple times by drugged out weirdos, but let me tell you about the two worst incidents: 1) I was jumped and attacked by a random guy at an empty train station, there was nobody around to help or even witness and I ran for my life as he chased me; 2) guy at a bus stop recognized me from my workplace and he followed me on the bus to my girlfriend’s place and then on another bus back to my home and he started hanging around outside my workplace hoping to run into me. So yeah most of the time I’m hyper-aware of everything happening around me in public and you’re right to be as well.
I don’t worry about it cause I figure I’ll sense it if someone is close behind me
As a woman, constantly
As a woman, you should.
You shouldn’t have to, either.
Nah save your energy. You’ll almost certainly know your rapist and it’ll be in private.
Statistically, yes. 90% known means that 1 in 10 rapes are by strangers.
I would not play Russian Roulette even if the revolver had 10 cylinders.
Nah. Freaking out over low risk events is called anxiety.
Very very few people are just raped on the street.
Its not anxiety to be situationally aware as a woman.
1 in 5 women have been victims of attempted or completed rape. 10% are by strangers, so 1 in 50 women in the US have been raped by strangers. There are 167.84 million females in the US. That means 3.34 million women in the US have been raped by strangers.
Your definition of “very very few” is much different than mine.
So well well under 1% and of those occurrences you still haven’t accounted for walking home on a street. 👌👍
As a big, scary-looking dude, I hate going out in public because I know I freak solitary women out. I feel like I should wear a shirt that says “I apologize for being here,” or something. I’m sorry the world is this way. Y’all deserve peace and security.
Is there anything people like me can do to assure those around us that we are not the ones to fear? Like, is there a tattoo I can get or a hat I can wear or something? I wish rapers and miscreants had a distinctive look that us regular folk could avoid.
Of course, I currently look like Harry Henderson with a septum piercing, so I guess probably a shave could help, but I really like my beard. It’s my security blankie :-[
The “alt” style helps a lot, actually (ime). I trust metal head-looking dudes over frat boy-looking dudes 1000% but that’s anecdotal
Honestly nail polish too. Cis men are usually too afraid to wear any, so when they do it’s often a good sign. Bonus points if it isn’t black
Hell yeah, nice. That makes me feel a little better.
Just ignore us. Consistent eye contact, staring, or obviously paying a lot of unwarranted attention to us is way more threatening than just being big or burly.
So you mean I have to act like a normal human being? Fuck. I’m too curious and autistic for that. Are you sure there’s not a hat I can wear?
There’s a hat for the opposite of this. This isn’t fair.
(Mostly joking)
I usually make a point to take off my hood if I have one on, and generally lift my head and maybe give them a nod/smile, or otherwise indicate that “I’ve seen you, and I’m letting you see my face clearly”. If we’re alone in a dark, empty place at night, I’ll also make a point to cross the street away from them.
I’ve talked to some women about how they prefer men to act, and they generally said they think what I do is decent. Of course, that’s reliant on the whole “make eye-contact, nod, smile, and wave”-thing being done in a disarming and “I’m friendly and I see you, and I’m going to mind my own business”-way, and not a creepy way.
I do it subconsciously, 100% of the time. I’m always aware of potential threats.
If you’re so aware then how did I get inside of your weighted blanket?
Also, this is what I hate most about open work spaces. It’s hard to stay focused while also feeling very vulnerable.
…or are you?
I don’t keep checking to see if I’m being followed, but assessing people nearby seems to be practical awareness.
Its probably some baked in survival skills.
Depends? Shady part of the city, late night, slightly drunk and alone? Absolutely. Going for lunch in a nic small town? Absolutely not. The street sign I run into would probably tell me it’s sorry.
So, yeah, depends on the situation. I’ve had most negative interactions either in crowds or at places like train stations, so that is where I am most paranoid
train stations
Oh yea that’s terrifying. I usually stand as far away from the edge as possible. In NYC, people would push you into an oncoming subway-train. Idk wtf is wrong with people.
Oh wow. I was referring to aggressive beggars or pickpockets. That seems like a whole different category of problems.
Spacial awareness is good to have no matter who you are or what your situation is. What’s not good is being constantly worried or paranoid.
I look for lots of things. Who’s in the area, what’s in the area and what are different ways to get out if I need to. But I’m not specifically on the lookout for weirdos, as in, I’m constantly worried they’ll be there or anything. If I notice someone sus I keep tabs on them until I don’t think it’s a threat.
One night I was out walking my dog, who was still under a year old (he was already a big dog though), and a guy is walking in the opposite direction. I see him coming but he’s got a hoodie on and pulled up over his head, ducked in a way that I can’t see his face. My radar didn’t go off, but I made sure to watch him out of the corner of my eye as we passed each other. Then, he turns and heads straight for me.
So, I turned towards him and put my hands up. I couldn’t outrun him with my dog, and I figured once I started making a commotion my dog might help out.
It turned out to be my (now-ex) fiance playing a trick on me, seeing what I would do. Once he saw me square up he threw back his hood and gave me a lecture on how I should have ran.Fucking asshole behavior, but I guess now I know what I’d do in that situation.
Anyway, no one’s ever done that to me since, but I still keep my wits about me. I also don’t think I’m constantly going to be followed by creepers either.
I used to feel the same until I got myself some proper wrap around sunglasses. Perfect for ocular pat downs. Now I can asses a subjects threat level without him being able to feel my retinal assessment.
Nope. Grew up in a pretty rough town and you kinda know a lot of the undesirables. I’ve been alive for over 40 years and only once confronted in the street.
I’ll take walks home in the early hours of the morning (02:00) through very dark secluded areas.
Now if there was a pattern of people being attacked here, then I’d be taking a different route but I tend not to worry about things like this as it’s incredibly rare and the stress of worrying probably does more damage to your health than a would be attacker.
Edit: Have an example from a few days ago. Me and a couple of friends went for a smoke and a walk through a Forrest in pitch black with a flash light and I was more concerned with the bugs getting in my sliders than being murdered 😂.
being murdered
Not really just about that tho. People are weird. Lead poisoning in my area is common. Lead poisoning cause agrressive behaviors. Even to this day, there are still lead paint still in some houses. Only take one person to randonly punch you in the face and your day is ruined. (Hasn’t happened yet, hopefully never will)
People can be weird but spending time worrying about something so unlikely is a waste imo.
You’re not cautious, you’re paranoid and fearful to the point it’s a bit concerning for your mental health (although the suicidal ideation tells me the whole situation is more than just a bit concerning). You know this ain’t normal, you know that’s not how people are meant to live their lives, you know this cannot continue for long before you either snap at/hurt someone who didn’t mean any harm or your mind breaks.
I know living in the USA cannot help your mental stability but it’s not a favela, it really ain’t that dangerous. Maybe moving to a smaller city or a town would work? Sometimes it’s easier to change our circumstances than to change ourselves, and sometimes the former allows the letter as well.
Anyone not aware of their surroundings is stupid imo.
Look around? No, but I am listening.
Same. I’ll check out things around me like any normal person, but I rely on my hearing to tell my eyes to look for something specific.
I think too, some people have a very wild imagination. There’s no second thoughts getting in a car, despite the chances of being seriously harmed in one making the chances of being attacked in public comparatively inconsequential. You are just extremely unlikely to ever meet one of the very few people that would initiate unprovoked public attack. But parents, crime shows, and movies tell us otherwise—it doesn’t hurt to be cautious, anyway.
I don’t necessarily look around like I’m being followed. But it took me a very long time to be comfortable listening to music or having headphones on while walking, or in public at all.
The idea of not being able to hear my surroundings and be ready to react to something is still really weird to me. It takes all of my mental effort to put it to the back of my brain while walking my dog.
It’s not even necessarily worrying about someone with malicious intent. It could be not being able to sense another walker coming up behind me. Or two kids playing catch and a ball going astray towards my face. Just the idea of not having situational awareness at all times freaks me out.
I’ve been punched in the face by passers-by without any provocation in my life before, which has led to me constantly being vigilant.
Bruh wtf
Not a good time. Definitely one of those loss of innocence moments. I used to stride fearlessly through the city in the middle of the night, and I have not quite gotten that back yet. It’s better, but not the same.
