Authorities in the Russian Republic of Chechnya have announced a ban on music that they consider too fast or slow.
Music too fast? Straight to jail.
Music too slow? Believe it or not, straight to jail.
Just a little bit too perfect? Burned for witchcraft
and after the burning, whatever is left, straight to jail.
Sounds like a healthy form of governance. People can’t be trusted to manage tempo on their own. They should do this for heart rates as well.
Checks out. If your heart rate is too slow or too fast you’re probably doing a sin.
VladBit health health trackers now mandatory. Better keep yours charged up or gulag for you.
Straight to jail! Right away!
Thanks to jail we have the most moderate musical tempo in the world!
darude sandstrom ✖️
careless whisper ✖️
never gonna give you up ✔️
YMCA by Village People? We’ll give it a pass ✔️
80 to 116 BPM. I actually chuckled audibly that the BPM was specified, I assumed it would be extremely vague.
They couldn’t even make it higher than the DAW defaults at 120bpm. So you have new musicians that have never recorded accidentally producing music at 120 and breaking the law. This is the dumbest shit I’ve seen since last week. I don’t typically put anything together that is below 120. Looks like I’m on my way to being a Chechen fugitive.
I’m sure that this will be blatantly enforced against “wrong” types of music that just so happen to be popular among groups the Chechen government, just like Disco Demolition Night was a thinly-veiled race riot.
Shocking.
No house, no techno?!
Suddenly a larger market for those sped up/slowed down ByteDance remixes, depending.
Phonk producers with normal, slowed and speedy versions of their songs were already prepared for this.
What if you are practicing? Can you start slow on the hard bits or do you have to get it right straight away?
118 is plenty slow
Simple fix: change the time signature. Boom.
exactly. quarter note at 200bpm is eighth note at 100bpm.
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I could never live any place that banned Jungle.
Ehh just cut it in half. Not like they’ll notice.
Are they just late for 1st of April?
April 1st was too fast for them so they opted to use April 8th.
April 9th would have meant straight to jail!
The Russian national anthem is 76 beats per minute lol….
Which is banned
So did they do this to ban the Russian anthem intentionally??
Hmmmm
Your logic isn’t very patriotic. Please allow yourself to be escorted to the nearest window.
Ok but what about double time? This rule is so ridiculous if it was a joke I would think it’s too unrealistic
They’re inching closer to the plot of Footloose.
There are so many movies that I’ve said, “that’s stupid, it would never happen”. I don’t say that anymore.
Wait… Did The Onion buy out CNN?
My exact thoughts as well. Im like:
“Huhh wtf, this cant be true. Ahh it must be the Onion. Wait wat… This is not the onion…”
Read up a bit on the Chechnyans and their relationship with Russia.
Apparently, their leaders were responsible for atrocities on par with typical Russians.
I don’t really have sympathy for them. They support people who assassinate journalists as a “birthday gift” to Putin.
Yeah they were rounding up their own citizens for years
I don’t know what you’ve read, but clearly not deep enough. As a “typical Russian” I find such comparison quite offensive.
113 bpm baby we’re solid!
I knew what this would be without question. Felt it in my bones. The old ways are still strong.
I clicked it… on purpose. Never Gonna Give You Up is such a banger
😊🖕
Good old XcQ link
This is memeable, yes; but usually when news like this starts coming out a nation shit’s definitely gone sideways for it.
Eastern Europe is going though it right now. One of my old Polish colleagues fled to the UK becuase the Church is slowly taking over and becoming totalitarian. Even if you have a miscarriage you’d be investigated to see if “it was done on purpose” or not.
(From what I remember, this was just at the tail end of covid)
Thankfully theocratical idjits are more tempered now by opposition but eh. Still shityy. Also, Poland is rather central europe, please do not group it with orks.
Seriously, music is as much free speech as any spoken or written word and can be incredibly powerful. Banning it shows an absurd amount of fear and hatred for any sense of individuality.
It just feels like a conservative one party government trying to fill in time before the next election with busy work.
Nothing pleases social conservatives more than cracking down on that weird music their kids listen to.
Writes a song at 115 BPM. Makes it use double time. Occasionally changes tempo to 161 BPM half-time. Adds three layers of polyrhythms to it. Spices things up with metric modulation between 4/4, 13/8 and 17/7. Hides a sample of the “trolololo song” somewhere in there.
Trollface.jpg
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Imma go blow some Chechnyan minds with my happy hardcore outfit that plays songs at 100bpm, but only plays 64th notes.
Are you a genius or a madman?
I guess next thing Kadyrov will make his horse a consul.
