If you swallow appleseed(s)
Smoke some cigarettes. The smoke will suffocate the bacteria
—Mac
“Respect your elders”
Nah they’re the ones who destroyed the economy giving free rein to corporations, set the planet on fire, and let cops run loose murdering and stealing as they please, fuck them
Not saying you’re necessarily wrong but “Fuck em” seems to be the new mantra of our society on all levels. Doesn’t bode well for the future.
That is because society on all levels deserves it. We need to stop with the expectation that people in certain jobs or positions deserve respect just because of their job or position. They only deserve respect if they earn it.
If they don’t earn respect, fuck em.
all levels
Healthcare is a level.
Housing the homeless is on a level society operates.
Crime prevention too.
You thought this through at all, or was this just a doodle on your trapper-keeper in homeroom?
Oooh. You were SO close to landing that sick burn, but we had to take points off for not making any God damn sense.
This made me laugh out loud on the office toilet.
Those aren’t people so I don’t understand whatever you are getting at.
It actually DOES bode well for the future.
The Boomers lived by “Fuck the future, I got mine now.”
We’re trying to change it to “Fuck the past, we ain’t got shit.”
Removed by mod
Fixed, thank you!
I feel like this is going to have [excellent] synergy with my boundary posts :)
“Walk it off”
— coach
No, my torn ligaments need to rest and heal, asshole, not to endure further trauma. Get me some ice!
Take a salt tablet.
Puttin’ it on ice, bitches
“If you were just more positive you’d not be complaining about being depressed all the time”.
And/or
“Have you tried just being happy for once?”
Aka fake it til you make it
Putting in my unasked for opinion that we should popularize ‘flail it til you nail it’
I don’t know, this one has pretty much carried me through the last 40 years. There’s definitely worse advice.
“Undercover Cops have to tell you if they’re a cop,” or other variations I remember hearing all throughout high school.
Somehow though, organized crime hasn’t figured out this one simple trick to ferreting out undercover cops in their midst, just ask them.
Also: “Don’t trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn’t die.”
that second one seems way outta left field to me, what kinda contexts is that used in?
Vaginas
A one word answer that covers so many questions.
Like, “I don’t get it.”
Hahaha burn
Not if you wrap it before you tap it
It was from an episode of South Park:
Its the Criminal Bro Code
Hard work always pays off.
smart work always pays off
;) ftfy
Being born wealthy always pays off.
I knew there was something I forgot to do
YOLO
It’s like a mantra for bad decision making. But it should really be used the opposite way. Like… I better put my seat belt on because YOLO.
“Calm down.”
One thing that’s sure to make things worse is to tell an angry person to “calm down”…
And the silly stepsister of this saying: Calm your tits!
Very useful when you want the opposite reaction.
- 4/7/8 breathing is better advice :)
- also Physiological sigh
It’s that like “in, hold, out”?
You gotter, ~~crocodile!
ottermuskrat
SIR?!
If something bad happens, just try to forget it. You’ll feel better!
If I pick up something that is too heavy my uterus will fall out.
Related query: Is there such thing as vaginal prolapse?
Also: are you Dwight Schrute lol?
Yes, there is such a thing as a vaginal prolapse but… That thing is really hooked in there! And no I am not Dwight.
Im scared to look 😫Wow, 1/3 of women will experience. Ladies, why do your genitals hate you so much?
It’s text.
This happened too a stray kitten I found years ago. She had gotten pregnant and this happened. We had to put her down.
if you ask a police officer for a piece of candy then legally they have to give you one
Fax
deleted by creator
It’s so simple. Why didn’t I think of that before!
/S
do what you love and you will never
work a daylove anything in your lifeThe moment you depend on it to not live on the streets, then you don’t love it anymore.
“Snitches get stitches.”
How do you expect conflict resolution to work?
With stitches…
Or end up in ditches.
In ur Abercrombie &Fitchez
“Count your blessings.”
Useless fucking platitude that’s synonymous with “You aren’t the person who is absolutely the worst off, so being upset with your lot is inappropriate.”
See also “At least you have your health.”
Don’t try to bullshit me, I’m a bullshit artist.
If I ever told my dad, “are you shitting me?”, he’d reply with, “I’d never shit you, you’re my favorite turd.”
Lol love that one. My uncle was the one that used the Bullshit line on me
My company switched up retirement plans and they held a seminar to explain them. The person running the seminar said that we should be putting 15% of our salaries into retirement.
Nice idea, but if I put 15% of my salary into retirement, then I wouldn’t be able to pay my bills. I’m not living extravagantly or anything (buying something for $20 for my enjoyment seems like a splurge to me). Still, whenever I seem to be getting on a better financial footing, life throws me a curve ball. Need new hearing aids ($3,600). New a new dryer ($750). Might need a new car soon.
So either I need to be paid a lot more, I will be working until I’m 90, or I put away the money and go deep into debt but can retire. (Just kidding. I’m nearing 50. I likely won’t have enough to retire. Maybe when I’m 80.)
Better start working our way to a cushy desk job so we have somewhere comfortable to die.
