• smol_beans@lemmy.world
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    3 months ago

    The original Bri Larson tweet makes me think of a recent post on lemmy that showed younger men are less and less likely to ask women out in person. Some people in the comments said “hey it’s ok to approach women in public just be ok with them saying no” but when I read what women say about being approached in public (like bri larsons tweet here) I get the feeling that I should never approach women in public because I’ll make them feel scared.

    I’m not talking about the top tweet where a guy is memorizing your address, that is creepy, I understand that, but the guy in the bri Larson tweet wasn’t being creepy, just shooting his shot right? Or am I way off here?

    • Mustakrakish@lemmy.world
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      3 months ago

      A large part of it is setting. If you’re at a place people gather to be social, like a party or a bar or other social event, people are more open to talking or getting to know each other. If you’re just trying to move through your day in public and are probably thinking about all the bullshit you need to deal withnin our daily hellscape of lives, and some random person interupts to interject and make you deal with even more bullshit, that fuckin sucks. Location, location, location.

    • Bytemeister@lemmy.world
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      3 months ago

      “Cold-calling” women for dates in public is kinda sketchy in general.

      Put the effort in to getting to know them first. If you are at a point in your life where asking random strangers for a date is your best game, you need to work on yourself.

      This isn’t bashing you for not being handsome/pretty, or fit, or rich. You need to go out and do things that you enjoy, try new things, and find partners who enjoy the same things, then see if they are open to dating.

      Also, mutual friends are the best for getting you a date with someone. It worked for me, and it can work for you!

      • theblips@lemm.ee
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        3 months ago

        Yeah, that’s the point I always make. If you don’t have social groups that expose you to new people in a safe, non-sexual environment, you have to work that out first before dreaming of having a relationship. Just go play some boardgames, join a language school, take music classes, join a rec league for your favorite sport. Hell, if absolutely necessary, why not join a Discord server about stuff you’re interested in? I’ve met kind and available girls playing Valorant, even.
        Even if these guys somehow manage to get a few dates going with someone they “picked up”, won’t they just run out of things to talk about if there is nothing but work and social media going on in the guy’s life?

      • jj4211@lemmy.world
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        3 months ago

        I mean, a date can be a pretty safe and tame event. It’s how you might get to know someone.

        You shouldn’t expect anything romantic out of such a date, and certainly makes sense to meet at the venue and the venue be very open and visible. But to say you can’t even offer a chance to get to know each other without getting to know each other is a bit over the top.

        Better chances in interest themed events and activities to have a promising match of course, but there has to be some opportunity to get acquainted.

        • TheDoozer@lemmy.world
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          3 months ago

          There is a huge difference between “you’re pretty and that’s the only thing I know about you, want to go on a date?” And “Hey, we share a few similar interests and you are pleasant to talk to, and attractive, would you like to go on a date?”

          You should have a baseline beyond simply looking at them. A date is where you get to know them beyond that baseline. If it’s a stranger, it isn’t unreasonable to say you should have at least a few minutes of conversation before asking them out.

    • Drew@sopuli.xyz
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      3 months ago

      I think you should try talking a bit before asking for someone’s number, at least.

      Don’t actually be creepy, but you can never control how people feel about something. Something that’s completely fine to someone one day might be the tipping point on some other day.

      If you hit on someone just based on looks they might not take it nicely because they might be getting a lot of that!

    • yamper@lemmy.world
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      3 months ago

      if youre approached by a tsa agent at their work its harder to say no. its fine to shoot your shot but be aware of the time, place, social dynamic, etc.

    • Doctor_Satan@lemm.ee
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      3 months ago

      Good rule of thumb: Never ask someone out while you’re clocked in. Especially if your job involves holding a position of power over them, or being in charge of their safety. It gives the impression that if they say “no”, things could go bad for them. Things obviously won’t go bad for them, but they could, because of the implication.

    • TranscendentalEmpire@lemm.ee
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      3 months ago

      Imagine if a stranger the size of Shaq asked you to use your cell phone. He could just be a person needing to call someone, or he could be an asshole trying to steal your phone. Whatever the case saying no could potentially put you in a bad situation if they decide to get upset, and saying yes could also potentially put you in a vulnerable situation where you have no power.

      I think most guys forget the power imbalance that just being physically larger creates between the sexes. Im not the size of Shaq, but i am a big dude who is larger than most dudes on a similar scale compared to how most men are bigger than most women. I have to be mindful to be as non threatening and gregarious as possible to not be intimidating, because men are just as easily unsettled by size, it’s just the scaling that is different.

      Plus, no one owes you the time in their day. Approaching a complete stranger to propose some sort of relationship only tells a person that you only value them for their physical appearance, or you are the type of person who approaches anyone who they think they have a chance with.

    • iheartneopets@lemm.ee
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      3 months ago

      Read this whole thing and tries to shift the focus to himself and how it makes him feel. Amazing. Bear please.

      • smol_beans@lemmy.world
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        3 months ago

        Fuck me for asking for advice. What kind of fucking monster would ask for advice.