Growing up and even now, I have a problem of going into extremes. In my early teens, I was so obsessed with religion that it started to become a problematic part for those around me. Now, I am kinda “anti-theist” (in secret though, I wanna be safe). I used to be very homophobic. When I discovered that I fall in love with a guy, I have became so scared. Now, I am comfortable with my bisexuality though but will be in rage if the word “gay” is used as a joke. I also rush to take a label for me that I am this, this and this, and get myself limited to that specific identity. Although I am now on my way to develop the acceptance of the fact that I can be wrong, I still feel that I have not gotten rid of my extremism. How to be a person who does not rush to take labels?
Legitimately congrats on being self aware enough to realize this is a problem you have, plenty of people never do. If you haven’t considered and have access to therapy that could help.
I would also say just learning more about different perspectives and ways of being helps kill extremism. You can not believe something but also try to understand the minds and experiences of those who do. Even if your conclusion is still ‘they are wrong’, you can at least understand what about their life and experience leads them to their beliefs, and extend to them the understanding that they are also people doing what makes sense to them according to their experiences.
Unfortunately, I take the bad interactions more seriously and that will further solidify the negative image in me.
This might be of interest, though it talks about some fairly severe psychological issues that hopefully don’t apply to you:
I would recommend learning about skepticism, but not the kind you will find in the USA to be honest, the USA skepticism community has some bad actors mixed in and it is hard to get the good without the bad.
Skeptics with a K is a podcast from the Merseyside Skeptics Society and they do great work. If you start there and listen through a little they will recommend other podcasts and websites and you can go from there.
The reason I suggest them as a starting point is their attitude. They are compassionate people who see the harms of woo and religion but really so embody kindness and connection over anger and hate. They also embrace the kind of skepticism where you maintain a focus on the tools but don’t get locked into extreme positions, exactly what you are talking about. They practice not running to the extremes, but not by saying things like “both sides are the same”. They have convictions, but they are slow to build and carefully constructed. If you copied their mental processes you would be in a fairly good starting position.
It bears repeating that religious zealots and anti-theists are two sides of the same coin. To the point where anti-theists who were religious zealots is common, like you describe. Both offer certainty, superiority, and are obsessed with out-groups and enemies. You may want to reflect if, and perhaps why those things appeal to you.
I also think that antitheists further validates the religious zealousness by presenting the extreme interpretations of a religion as its true interpretation, e.g., “true Islam is practiced by terrorists”, “Jesus was anti-Semitic”, and etc.
