Hey as long as we’ve got experts here, could a purely non binary person be considered gay or heterosexual in any configuration or are they always bisexual? Even if only as a limitation of the language?
To elaborate on that I am nonbinary and bisexual myself and without missing a beat it’s like every non-binary person I meet is also bisexual. And that’s all good and all feels very natural, and nobody should feel pressured to be anything else
But like, if I was trying to not be bisexual, what would that look that? Would I just start listing specific preferences and the orientation just wouldn’t have a particular name?
Doesn’t need to be proper! I use queer as well, it’s widely used in my in-person community. I tend to avoid using “queer” online sometimes just because it seems like it can still be a heavy word in other places, but it also seems like I’m seeing it used more often anyway
I’ve considered that, and I agree in theory, but is that something that occurs on the level of sexual attraction?
In practice I feel like it’s a romantic quality, i.e. “since we are both non-binary, I feel we understand each other and I feel especially safe with you, and in fact this type of relationship is the only one I would want”,
I suppose in this manner you could easily be a gay demisexual enbie, but I wonder of the larger cohort of people who experience a more immediate sexual attraction
Again, not that it’s important to have this all ironed out neatly. I just feel like it hasn’t been ironed out neatly, you know?
That sounds closer to a non orientation based preference. Similar to people I know who only or preferentially date other trans people despite also being attracted to cis people aligned with their orientation. For many of them it’s about not being comfortable displaying the level of vulnerability inherent to romance to someone who can’t fully understand that aspect of them or who has that specific privilege over them.
The way I’d personally frame it is probably saying that you’re enby4enby, just taking from the T4T terminology
Hey thank you so much for responding! I really like this concept in the language of non-orientation based preferences colliding with traditional descriptions.
This is my first time ever seeing E4E considered, and you’re kind of blowing my mind! I think it works really well
In practice I feel like it’s a romantic quality, i.e. “since we are both non-binary, I feel we understand each other and I feel especially safe with you, and in fact this type of relationship is the only one I would want”,
That does sound a lot like demisexual to me.
If you call yourself homosexual I worry that some people might misinterpret it and try and figure out a binary gender for you, which is unhelpful.
You could just say you’re attracted to other enbies if someone asks? One word labels aren’t always the most important thing.
I’ve seen several attempts at giving it a name over the years but none caught on. Especially since many nonbinary folk who aren’t bi tend to lean toward one gender presentation over the other and will just use the orientation labels associated with that
Hey as long as we’ve got experts here, could a purely non binary person be considered gay or heterosexual in any configuration or are they always bisexual? Even if only as a limitation of the language?
To elaborate on that I am nonbinary and bisexual myself and without missing a beat it’s like every non-binary person I meet is also bisexual. And that’s all good and all feels very natural, and nobody should feel pressured to be anything else
But like, if I was trying to not be bisexual, what would that look that? Would I just start listing specific preferences and the orientation just wouldn’t have a particular name?
I have no idea if it is proper, but I’ve always just used queer.
Doesn’t need to be proper! I use queer as well, it’s widely used in my in-person community. I tend to avoid using “queer” online sometimes just because it seems like it can still be a heavy word in other places, but it also seems like I’m seeing it used more often anyway
Maybe gay if you’re only into enbies?
I’ve considered that, and I agree in theory, but is that something that occurs on the level of sexual attraction?
In practice I feel like it’s a romantic quality, i.e. “since we are both non-binary, I feel we understand each other and I feel especially safe with you, and in fact this type of relationship is the only one I would want”,
I suppose in this manner you could easily be a gay demisexual enbie, but I wonder of the larger cohort of people who experience a more immediate sexual attraction
Again, not that it’s important to have this all ironed out neatly. I just feel like it hasn’t been ironed out neatly, you know?
That sounds closer to a non orientation based preference. Similar to people I know who only or preferentially date other trans people despite also being attracted to cis people aligned with their orientation. For many of them it’s about not being comfortable displaying the level of vulnerability inherent to romance to someone who can’t fully understand that aspect of them or who has that specific privilege over them.
The way I’d personally frame it is probably saying that you’re enby4enby, just taking from the T4T terminology
Hey thank you so much for responding! I really like this concept in the language of non-orientation based preferences colliding with traditional descriptions.
This is my first time ever seeing E4E considered, and you’re kind of blowing my mind! I think it works really well
Glad to be of help!
That does sound a lot like demisexual to me.
If you call yourself homosexual I worry that some people might misinterpret it and try and figure out a binary gender for you, which is unhelpful.
You could just say you’re attracted to other enbies if someone asks? One word labels aren’t always the most important thing.
I’ve seen several attempts at giving it a name over the years but none caught on. Especially since many nonbinary folk who aren’t bi tend to lean toward one gender presentation over the other and will just use the orientation labels associated with that