When I was in my early 20s Tinder/Hinge were absolutely popping off. I met with a girl for dinner. We talked about if it went well we would go back to my place and hook up. It did and we ended up in my bed. She started touching me and said “oooooo so big”. I immediately started laughing which made her laugh. I’m fine, but I do not have a big dick, she and I both knew that. We laughed about it more and she said she was just trying to be nice. Ended up being one of the more funny sexual encounters I had.
When I was in uni a friend with benefits lured me back to her flat with promises of food when I was drunk and hungry, then dragged me straight to the bedroom despite me protesting I still was hungry. She had some furry handcuffs on the headboard so I handcuffed her to the bed, walked to the kitchen, made a sandwich, and then came back and sat on a chair right next to her while I ate it. The sandwich was mediocre, but the taste of victory was divine. She said I was “bad at BDSM”, but I’m pretty sure I got the bondage and sadism bits down fine.
Thanks for the legit belly laugh
when the top is a fucking brat
One evening my girl and I were enjoying an evening alone, I’m doing my thing, feeling great, when she starts laughing for no reason. Well apparently there was a little dried piece of booger that was stuck to one of my nose hairs that I was unaware of, and as I was breathing it was darting in and out of my nose, and once she saw it she couldn’t ignore it. I’m like, what? And all she’s doing is laughing and pointing at my face. And because she’s laughing I start laughing too, which I guess made the booger behave even more erratically, and now she’s laughing harder and without warning she aggressively grabs my nose and shouts GOTCHA leaving me to wonder how an evening of lovemaking became a game of Got Your Nose.
Finally she manages to explain, in between high-pitched wheezes of laughter, about the booger and she gets up to go wash her hands, and now we’re both laughing too hard to continue. Mood’s gone. Booger stole the show. Think we just put the tv on and fell asleep after that.
And that’s my sex booger story.
God thats a silly night
Found myself in the middle of an orgy one night at a party. I was a little too enthusiastic at getting up to straddle someone and fell off the bed on the opposite side with a thump and a lot of laughs.
You abandon all humility when you’re naked and have fallen all akimbo in a room full of people haha.
Lmaoooo that’s fantastic.
A pair of friends hooked up in front of me so I went to the kitchen, made popcorn, and proceeded to eat it while watching and occasionally tossing a piece at them.
Did they catch it in their mouth?
Late teens: My gf came over, watching a movie in the downstairs den, started having spoon sex under the blanket on the couch. My mother (rather intuitively) decided we needed supervision and came down to watch the movie with us; while I was still balls deep!
I pulled out slower than a glacier and we spent the rest of the movie slowly and stealthily putting our pants back on under the blanket. Somehow we got away with it! (If we got caught there would have been hell haha)
She knew.
lmao you clearly did not grow up in a religious household.
edit: Also very weird of you insinuating that my mother knowingly sat next to me having sex for over half an hour.
like give your head a shake bro
SHE KNEW
Denial is indeed a very powerful force.
Only one way to find put. What’s she gonna do now? Ask her, and report back, for science.
I had a similar thing happen. When I was a teenager I went with my girlfriend at the time and her family to her grandparent’s house for dinner. They were still cooking so we went to a spare room to lay down and watch a movie. We had to keep the door open but we were horny as fuck and started going at it under the covers. Eventually her dad walked in and told us dinner was ready while I was ball deep. Thought I was going to die that day.
I have plenty of times mid kink scene where the scene breaks, we realize how ridiculous we’ve been and just start laughing. It’s especially amusing when you’re at a party and people are watching your scene
Then you try to reset but any time you try to say the line, someone laughs and gets everyone else going. Even if 9/10 people manage to hold it together, that 10th person giggling sets everyone else off. And then one of the guys might lose his boner and you need to do some more foreplay to get everyone going again to reset. Can turn what should have been just a quick 2h session into a multi-day experience.
Not that I’m complaining or anything.
Yeah it really depends on who it’s with. Some people can salvage the scene, others can’t. With my Domme she’s usually pretty good at it by just hitting me more lol, though sometimes it does just collapse into cuddles.
I dated a co-worker and we would act very professionally in front of others… until the elevator doors closed where she would jump me for the 10 to 30 seconds we had in there.
One day the doors close, she jumps and wraps her arms around my neck, and we hear the sound of the doors start to open again because someone pushed the elevator call button before it properly left. I THREW her aside out of panic and she went flying into the opposite wall and recovered like she tripped just in time for the doors to open. We kept our shit together just long enough for the person to get off on the next floor and we both broke down laughing.
It became the thing she would joke about the most when she was trying to embarrass me a little; the time I launched her across an elevator.
Got a few but
One time at a furcon room party it was nearing the end of the night and the guy who booked the room who just wanted to sleep and I were watching this hetero couple go at it and we’re making David attenborough documentary type commentary, sprinkled with the occasional expression that sleep was required.
Of course this may have been on day 2/3 on acid so that wasn’t the only story I have.
I also met my partner that night because she admired my battle jacket patches.
One of her stories is during anal sex she defecated on a $10,000 fursuit
“One of her stories is during anal sex she defecated on a $10,000 fursuit”
Oof. However, I’d argue that if someone owns an expensive fursuit that is coming anywhere near to the act of anal sex, that’s just playing stupid games, which comes with the risk of winning a prize
Yeah, but otherwise why even have the fursuit?
Last new years my now husband got drunk and really horny. I was in bed reading a book. The came into the bedroom to cuddle. Then we made out and they just said “i want to fuck you. I want to breed you so baaaad. Please. I love you so much i want to fuck you so bad!”. I prepared myself. He even tied me up and all and bit me in the neck as he tried to put it in but constantly missed it entering. Problem: im tied up and he couldnt figure out anymore how to untie me. Soooo i just slept with a gag, blindfolded and tied up for the night and them ontop of me on my chest. It was cute for sure. He got really worried at the moment and appologiced so much the next day but now we laught about it
Edit and clarification:
They werent able to open the knot not because they were drunk. They couldnt open the knot because it was some complicated one and they forgot how to open it. They were fully conciouse and clear thinking how else could they have tied me up all carefully and made a knot so complicated we resorted to just cut the thick rope with a knife the next morning
I’m sure y’all realize it, but drugs/alcohol go against the safe sane and consensual mantra. Be safe.
They werent drunk drunk. Plus we planned to fuck that night anyways
I’d say if you cannot open knots or cut the ropes safely, they were drunk drunk. And way too drunk to play with ropes.
They couldnt open the knot not because they were drunk. They couldnt open the knot because they made a complicated one they forgot how to solve open.
I want to make sure to mention, I’m not trying to be a dick. But an “emergency exit” is really important for such cases. It turned out fine, but if you’d had an emergency in the night, you’d have been in a real precarious situation.
That is why we dont do chains but only ropes. That you can always cut
Many years ago my then girlfriend, later ex wife and me had a stroll through a small forest when we got horny. Thea experience of having outdoor sex just dropped and I was not in the mood anymore after a fucking horsefly had stung me right into the ballsack.
Sure hope she was your wife between being your girlfriend and ex-wife
yes, i have several
edit: I’ll live with the hate and you will all have to live without my painful, cringe-worthy sex mistakes
edit: weeeelllll. just one. since you all insisted with your plethora of downvotes.
The first time I ever got laid…the first time someone very obviously wanted me to stick my dick into them…and by obvious I mean that she basically asked. That’s the level of engagement that I need. So, anyway, we head to her parents bed. I’m all nervous and shit since I really don’t really know what to do with my throbbing cock. I’d seen movies but I never had to perform in real life. So she was all like “come here and stick it in me you little bitch(this was 300 years ago so i might be paraphrasing” I’m just kidding. I can’t write a story that’s more than a few sentences.
Long story short: I bought a condom that was too small and it shot off my dick into her vergina and she never found it. I feel bad to this day
Booooo
Everybody boo this man!
