Do you ever catch yourself reacting to things the exact way your parents did, even when you don’t want to?

I’ve noticed impatience and snapping at small stuff in myself lately, and it lines up with patterns I grew up around. Knowing where it came from hasn’t been enough to actually stop it in the moment.

How did you actually change an inherited reaction pattern, not just understand it, but genuinely respond differently next time?

  • MajorMajormajormajor@lemmy.ca
    17·
    10 hours ago

    It takes practice, and conscious effort in the moment. You won’t stop how you feel right away (impatience), but you can stop your reaction.

    Now: event>emotional response> verbal response

    Then: event>emotional response> verbal response > self reflection

    Then: event>emotional response> (stop to think) less acidic verbal response

    Etc till you’re not snapping. One step at a time, but the fact you’re are trying to alter the pattern is huge. Good luck, this won’t be easy but you can do it.

    • blackbrook@mander.xyz
      1·
      2 hours ago

      I largely agree with this, but I would emphasize that you are trying to learn about the reaction. What triggers it. What you feel. In some cases you might not ever be able to change this reaction entirely, but you may be able to learn to keep your self out of situations where you have this reaction, or notice when you are heading towards it and try to defuse it.

      The biggest negative effect of such a thing is usually on others and on relationships. A key element around this is to communicate. To help the person that you snap at understand the reaction also, and of course to apologise for it.